Tag: freedom

Soulful Sunday

Soulful Sunday: What’s REALLY Holding You Back?

As weeks create months and months turn into years, decades are formed and reality becomes evident. We are aging and are often faced with “THE” question directly or indirectly; Are we making the most out of the life we have left?

This thought feels irrelevant in our adolescent years when we feel invincible for it appears that there is plenty of time to think on these things later; much later…

Then one day we wake up, look in the mirror and 40, 50, 60,70 and beyond are upon us. Our stark reality is where did the time go and are we living a purposed filled life? You know, the one that God has called us to before we were ever in existence.

If you can say without hesitation that you spend your days doing the thing God put you on this earth for, I certainly commend you! However, if that’s NOT you and you are in those age categories I mentioned above, What’s Holding You Back?

The level of true purpose I am alluding to has nothing to do with that job you slave at every day to earn a living. You can confirm that this statement is true if you feel that something is missing and deep inside, you’re unfulfilled. I’m talking about your primary reason for being. You gift, your talent, that business idea, that ministry, that book, that masterpiece that only YOU can deliver and birth to the world. 

It’s that thing you have been seeing repetitively in visions or dreams. That idea that gives you chills when you ponder on it but quickly dismiss with a plethora of old and tired excuses..

That hurt

That shame

That lack of confidence 

That comparison to others

That envy of your Brother

That previous failure

That finger pointing and blaming

That lack of Faith in your Lord and Savior 

For many reading this, What’s REALLY holding you back from embracing your destiny is directly connected to a matter you have not officially dealt with in your past. If you don’t face it, you will end up like countless others; leaving this earth and taking what should have been shared with the world with you. Now that’s really selfish! RealBoldTruth!

I recently had to deal with an extremely painful area of my life that I have been suppressing for several decades. I really thought I had it under control especially as of lates. I’ve discovered who I am in Christ, learned how to look to Him and trust Him more, have been in constant fellowship to assure I don’t go back to old ways of thinking and I’ve been serving and giving faithfully in ministry. Yet this soul striping thing keeps coming up and I grew sick of it! I couldn’t put my finger on why I’m still struggling with something that should be so old but knew it was the source of what has been holding me back from all God truly has for me.

I was recently put in a setting and was given the option to become vulnerable and transparent about this thing and my flesh felt reservations. However my spirit prevailed by telling me it’s now or never!

I ultimately shared a very private battle with the most unlikely person and found out she had struggled with the very same thing! I was in complete shock for she seemed to have it all together. She gave me a name for “my thing” and it’s called “Rejection ” she shared with me some tools and specific word that I started using right away and a release I experienced almost instantly!

Initially I was so very uncomfortable being this exposed but it has been way past time to “Tell The Truth and Shame The Devil!” I want my freedom more than my security of holding on to this dead stinky thing that clearly robs me of so many possibilities!

I challenge you today to think on these things. What have you NOT faced, NOT confessed, NOT healed from, buried alive kicking and screaming that will NOT die? It’s the very thing that is stopping you from spending more energy cultivating you “Gift” than dwelling on what won’t change. 

God has so much more for you but you’ll never experience the totality of His blessings if you don’t give this thing up! Stop lying, to yourself, and listening to the voice of the enemy more than the voice of the Lord! 

Do it NOW, before YOU and IT simply become a memory.

Until Next Time, Happy Sunday!

Soulful Sunday

Not Yet Delivered

I gave my life to Christ well over 20 years ago. I distinctly recall standing before a pastor, congregation and a small fleet of deacons at a modest baptist church. I willingly repeated the prayer of salvation and thought finally, I had it all together! The moment felt like a cleansing, a renewal, a refreshing as I asked the Lord to reside within my heart permanently. 

I also remember leaving that place of worship that day the happiest I had ever been! But within days I experienced an incredible, deep, emotional low that seemed to threaten my committed confession to God. I remember asking myself, if I am now saved, why do I still feel so heavy, so worthless, so unwanted, so undeserving, so un-Christ-like? This mental contradiction would actually linger on for nearly two decades thereafter.

Periodically, throughout my Christian experience, I would hear the expression “Deliverance”. Unfortunately, I didn’t know what the term truly meant. As I struggled long-term with overwhelming bouts of depression, low self regard and thoughts of destruction, I wasn’t able to make the connection and often questioned God’s love for me. I was actually saved but not yet delivered.

Not Yet:

Delivered from ill thoughts

Delivered from fleshly struggles

Delivered from seeking value in man

Delivered from wanting things more than God Himself…..

Fast forward to today, I am completely filled, set free and and over the tormenting mindset of my past that has tried to limit and silence me. After giving my life to God, I didn’t know that to reach the position of freedom, I had to go through a deliverance process. That route for me meant getting consistent Word that counter-reacted my automatic state of mind. I had to reprogram every single thought, shift destructive behavior patterns and clean out my circle! In doing this, I had to become incredibly vulnerable by taking a chance with complete strangers. I let them into into my dark and guarded spaces. My secrets, my mistakes, my pain, my shame….. I had to commit to showing up regularly to places where help and mentorship was available no matter how uncomfortable I felt. 

My flesh fought me long and hard in these areas but my spirit won for I wanted and needed to be free! I took the risk because life certainly had to get better than what I was experiencing. I wanted, needed and desired more of God. 

The God of More than enough. 

The God that has plans for me.

The God that would use me to assist in delivering others.

The God known as my Abba Father.

The God that really, truly loves me.


Are you a believer today still stuck in many ways, habits and thought processes that sent you to the alter giving your life to Christ in the first place? If so, the answer to move past this paralyzingly norm is to get DELIVERED! 

At minimum, you need The Word of God specific to your issues. You need mentorship from those who have been in your shoes to help pull you through. You need a committed prayer life to hear the voice of the living God. 

Deliverance is a serious process and won’t happen over night. You will have to be willing, patient, vulnerable and fight your flesh harder than you ever have before! It took me over two years to totally be free of over 30 years of all I’ve ever known in thought and deed. Every step was completely worth it! I’m so grateful and I’ll never go back! 

Until next time, Happy Sunday!

 

Soulful Sunday

Soulful Sunday – T.M.I. Freedom

As the Lord continues to elevate me in the things of Him, my intellect sometimes pauses in this journey and wonders if it is sometimes too much.

I am sure and without question that He has called me to be Bold, Direct and Fearless with my experiences. I must operate in the Real, flow in Boldness, and embrace it all in Truth! This indeed is the call on my life. Its defined for me by exposing matters that many may think falls in the T.M.I. Category – Too Much Information!

Should this be told, should that be reveal? Every ugly detail that once cringed and embarrassed my existence. What will they say and how will I be perceived? 

Yes, as I grow in the Lord, these questions still rise up from time to time. However my spirit has grown more dominant and takes precedence and center stage these days over all else! 

Truth of the matter is, I have experienced complete freedom with transparency in areas that have had me bound for several decades. Giving away the pain by being real in what I have lived through has perpetuated healing that I could never experience any other way. 

The theme for this writing platform comes out of Revelations 12:11. As I obey its instructions, layers of hurt, pain and shame peel away, dry up and fall off. What is left exposed is a more confident, determined and radical woman sold out and convinced that she can do anything with the move of God’s hand.

There’s nothing like being free! In your mind, from your past, from your failures and from your mistakes! God is more than able to turn any set of circumstances around for His benefit, if we let Him.

Anything that we have endured and survived was not meant to remain dormant in the depths of our souls, but to share with someone who needs to know how to make it over.

T.M.I. is necessary at appropriate times to benefit the lost and to show them the goodness, grace, mercy and salvation of our Lord! Without our stories, what other way can we and they be free?

Until Next Time, Happy Sunday!

Inspiration, Wisdom

Women of Wisdom – Pastor Mary Cooper

Happy Wednesday RealBoldTruth Readers!

 

Can you believe we are at the end of August and summer is coming to a close!!   Bitter Sweet it is but I am excited to be ending this Women of Wisdom theme month with a Video Blog with my Spiritual Mentor, Pastor Mary Cooper!

 

She is, without question, one of the wisest women I know relative to the Word of God. I consider myself extremely blessed to be able to sit at her feet and be groomed into my God given purpose through her Ministry.

 

She is the founder of Daughters of Esther (DOE) Ministry which has a primary focus to help women reach their fullest potential through the Word of the Lord. It is a powerful and life changing weekly meeting that is the cause for many being propelled and discovering their life’s purpose.
 

Pastor Mary exhorts RBT readers with a message entitled “Get Free to Step into Your Destiny!”

 

If you are in or can get to Delaware, I encourage you to stop by a DOE meeting.  You will never be the same!

 

DOE

 

Daughters of Esther Ministry

Victory Christian Fellowship

100 Wilton Blvd

New Castle DE 19720

Every Tuesday Evening 7:00 pm EST

http://www.daughtersofesther.org

FaceBook Page – Daughters of Esther Ministry
If you can’t make the meetings you can still connect by joining the DOE weekly prayer call every Thursday Evening at 7:30 pm EST

 

DOE Prayer Line

 

Blessing and be Free!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgiveness, Inspiration, STFWO

STFWO – Talk Show – Forgiveness

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Hi there The RLRT readers.  At the beginning of this month I had an incredible opportunity to be a guest speaker on my Church’s Monthly internet talk show program.  It’s called Straight Talk for Women Only.  I spoke about my testimony concerning my “Job-Like” experience that I wrote about in my  2/28/2016 Soulful Sunday Blog. (Soulful Sunday – 2/28/2016)

 

I will be writing more intimately on the experience in articles to come. Thought I would share the talk show link with you.  It’s a little under an hour long and I don’t really get warmed up until about 6-7 minutes in ! My first time doing something like this because I am typically very quiet and more introverted naturally, but God is apparently calling me out!!  If you have an opportunity to view let me know your thoughts.

 

Although this is a talk show for women, anyone can relate to this subject concerning Forgiveness.  If you are disappointed in yourself, can’t seem to get past an offense that someone subjected you to or can even admit that you are mad at God, this could be what you need to hear. Blessings always and I so appreciate your readership support.

Related Articles:  Forgive God    Being Mad At God

Victory Christian Fellowship – Straight Talk for Women Only is a monthly internet talk show that airs the 1st Thursday of every month.  For more information  and show archives, visit http://www.straighttalkforwomenonly.com.

 

 

#Jesus  #forgiveness  #madatgod

Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness

Hey Boss, I Quit!!

Less than a year ago I was offered what I thought was an opportunity of a life time! A job earning more money than I had ever imagined, the distance was 10 minutes away from my home, and I could even telecommute periodically. It was a promotional opportunity and when I applied I did not think I completely qualified. I took a step out on what I thought was faith. Six interviews with 13 people later I, yes I, was selected as the final candidate!

 

I couldn’t believe it and praised God for the increase! I was really nervous about starting and hoped that I had the ability as a professional to excel in my new role. I had experienced much success in countless others, this one just seemed to make sense as the next career stepping stone on my way to the top.

 

Approximately 7 months later I found myself resigning from the job I thought was going to put my career on the map and I was absolutely devastated! I endured a tremendous set of unusual trials beginning a little more than a month into the position.  Ultimately, I crumbled under the pressure. My health, both physical and mental were being grossly affected. I was disappointed beyond description in myself and thought the enemy had won! Certainly I had failed and now it was over before it truly got started….

 

 

After consulting God about the ordeal, He revealed why I was subjected to such overwhelming insults in my workplace. I learned that I have been incredibly stubborn in my pursuit for success, have been operating in my own self-defined purpose without His consent, and have been grossly neglecting the gifts He has placed in my life. What a tremendous eye opener, harsh reality and a lesson long over due that I had to learn!

 
You see, for years I have been chasing dollars and trading my life in to the highest bidder. This has been because I truly lacked faith in God that He is capable of supplying all my needs which far exceeds monetary provision in a paycheck. Since I have never experienced increase any other way besides earnings from a job, I literally convinced myself that the only way to experience the God of “More Than Enough” (2nd Corinthians 9:8)  was by heavy pursuit of the next big promotion in title, statute and theory. I couldn’t see it any other way but Faith doesn’t operate by what Chanel could SEE! REAL self TALK!

It was clear very early on in my new position that this was not God’s will for my life. But I ignored the signs which were many!!! Initially I chalked up the controversy I was facing as the enemy trying to steal my blessing. I began to pray for my co-workers, leadership and external partners thinking that was the key to turning the fast sinking ship around. My so called spiritual logic was so far from the truth and was my WILL and not the WILL of my Heavenly Father.

 

 

I began seeing my husband, children and friends as thorns in my life because they wanted me after work and I simply could not produce the best me for them because I was stressed and exhausted! That’s when my health became seriously affected.

 

 (Mommy/Daddy, Stop working and come play with me!)

 

After extended time away from my hostile work environment, God showed me that the thorns in my life were really the job! The roses were those significant relationships I was half giving myself too. Repentance was necessary! No job or amount of money is worth their sacrifice nor mine! Never Again!

 

I finally accepted that it wasn’t me, due to the high turn over not only in the role I was in but in the office overall. (They couldn’t keep staff and leadership failed to look in the mirror!) Acceptance did not come easy but it did at a cost!

 

 

Are you holding on to a job that is robbing you from God’s best?  Are you struggling in your level of faith to believe that if you let go of this thing that you think you need that you will suffer lack?

 

This is not for everyone and I am certainly not suggesting or promoting a campaign for people to walk out on their jobs!  All things in due season and with wisdom.  This is the first time I ever walked away from a job without a concrete back up plan.  But I knew without question that I was hearing from the Lord!

 

If your stress level is through the roof resulting in change in temperament, sleep, eating habits and you are struggling to be present for the true important matters in your life, I encourage you to seek God and analyze if you are trying to remain in control because you don’t trust that HE will deliver. (Proverbs 3:5)

 

For me, I have suffered zero lack and have actually experienced abundance beyond my imagination since I let go and truly started trusting God with my provision. My confirmation that this entire things was and is HIM! My faith today is through the roof that as long as I keep my confidence in words, deed and action that my Heavenly Father is taking care of me, I shall never want for nothing! (Philippians 4:19) 

  
#quityourjob  #ihatemyjob  #lovelife  #Godourprovider #Jesus #mypurpose

Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Relationships, Spiritual Awareness

Love Conditions

Conditional Love

I have lived on this earth long enough and have survived enough trials to confidently declare that the human heart needs what it needs. As a result, and like a wounded child acting out in a tantrum, the heart won’t stop bleeding and crying out until it is fulfilled.   Depending on the situation connected to the yearning, this silent fret may unfortunately be a life- long muted experience for many.

Human beings need to be loved.  I don’t declare this as if it is news but just restating its fact.  But there are different degrees of love that are extended to us that cannot be duplicated by any other source.  The love a child gives its mother is not the same as the love given by her husband.  Just as the love provided by a true friend cannot be substituted by that extended by a parent.  This can be validated when considering a man successful in his trade, wealthy in his accounts, healthy in his status, and plentiful in friends, family and business relationships. He appears to have it all.  But in the midnight hour and when no one is watching he must deal with that hollow area in his heart that desires a companion. Nothing else in his life will satisfy this longing so his heart will bleed.  Or what about that woman who has the most loving husband, the house, the cars, the career and the reputation that most would envy.  Yet her wound is barren and she can’t conceive.  Her longing for a child has been denied so her heart aches and bleeds in the very same way.  There is no substitute that will completely end this painful flow from the heart but the thing it desires; WITH CONDITIONS .  Time can and will be spent attempting to substitute the void but nothing ever truly satisfies.

It has been nearly three weeks since my biological father left this earth.  I am experiencing varying degrees of grief that have surprised me. I resent that I miss what I never had that only he could provide.  There was never any substitute for me.   During my second day out on bereavement leading up to his funeral, I spent several hours alone and I cried out to the Lord probably like I have never.  I asked one question repeatedly, “Why didn’t my father love me?” God responded to me in my dream after crying myself to sleep, “Chanel, he did, just not by your definition.” With the inquisitive mind that I have I had to analyze this answer.  How was I expecting my father to love me?  All I wanted was for him to be Present, to Provide and to Protect. That wasn’t too much to ask or was it? It should have been a natural fraternal instinct but it wasn’t for my father and I didn’t get that.

I put conditions on his love towards me.  As a result I could not see what love he was either able or willing to provide.  I wanted love on my own terms and what he was offering simply wasn’t good enough then and honestly it would not be now if he were still alive.  I am human and that’s Real Talk! Love by his definition did not stop the bleeding of my heart or fill that void only he as a father could.  I felt I deserved more and stopped talking to him for periods at a time as a result.  I have heard my father utter that he loved me many times throughout my life. But since his actions did not line up with my expectations I took his words as lip service and lies.  God showed me on that day that my father was not ever capable of loving me the way that I wanted him to. That’s just not how he was made up. This has been the sole source of discord in our relationship and it took his death for me to finally get clarity. I am forever grateful for the resolve.

Because we are human we have hopes of those significant relationships in our lives. When we get them we have expectations.  We feel that certain people should automatically treat us a in a guaranteed way.   These hopes come with outlined conditions and if we don’t get what we want we will react.

For those empty hearts that may never be filled with what we think we need or want, God is there unconditionally.  He never proposes prerequisites like we do and loves us all the time in spite of our ways.   Hallalujah! That is really good news!  Can you imagine if God loved us in the same fashion as we do others?  The human race would be lost for sure!

Although it is part of the human spirit to long for people to treat and love us in certain ways we need to consider reason and if we are putting unrealistic expectations on what we know is imperfect.  Then give reverence to the all mighty God who is the ultimate definition of Love.  He is really the only one qualified to satisfy those voids we try desperately to fill in our hearts.

Is there someone in your life that you are at odds with because they are not loving you as you wish they would?

If so what is your definition of love and is it reasonable?

Can you still find a way to respect and honor that person regardless?

In your answering of these questions, ask God to help you see these people through his eyes and thank him for loving you just as you are; totally  free of limits ; totally free of conditions.

Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness

The Somebody I am

The great I am

My last blog post spoke on the topic of “Letting Go” of painful relationships endured with relatives.  The example I gave concerned my estranged relationship with my biological father.  Ironically as I was penning the words and undenounced to me, he was dying a horrible and painful death by the destruction of cancer. It metastasized from his stomach, to his liver, to his lungs and ultimately to his brain. I was informed that the morphine stopped working and he experienced agonizing and unfathomable discomfort until his very last breath. He passed away this week. We had not spoken in nearly 4 years…….

I grieve today but not in the way that most would when losing a parent.  Unfortunately I did not know the man.  Alcohol and a chronic gambling addiction that I have seen as a part of his existence for more than 30 years were the primary culprits. We were never able to gain consistent momentum as a healthy father and daughter duo. We had our moments in between his attempts to quit the alcohol at least, but they never lasted long.  I don’t publicize this information in an effort to demoralize his character by far; they are just facts in the way he chose to live his life.

Furthermore as a believer in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I don’t have confidence that my soul will meet his again for I also understand that with great reluctance, he refused with his heart accepting the Lord as his Savior; even on his death bed. For this alone my core is extremely heavy.  For I have not only been robbed of being “Daddy’s Little Girl” in the natural because of his struggles, but spiritually I am also robbed of a possible divine reconciliation. I often wonder what lied behind his obvious deep rooted struggles that would make him be so steadfast against assuring that his soul rested in heaven.

When I consider the traits and generational curses on both sides of my family, they are great in number.  Alcoholism, gambling addictions, drug dependencies, mental illness, poverty, physical, sexual, and criminal offenses are just to name a few.  It is more than enough to question how anything good could come out of such transgressions. For through the years I have even found myself tempted, participating and suffering from a few of the above mentioned…. This is REAL TALK.

What I have found that is even greater is the fight to not allow these curses to overtake my life and continue to affect the generation that God has blessed me to start.  I am now a parent and my greatest apprehension is for any of these issues becoming a part of my Son’s future.  I purpose to give him the childhood and start that I was denied and keep him forever lifted up and covered in prayer.

But back to me, Who am I? This is a question that I have constantly asked myself over the years.  My truth is I am nobody, I am nothing, I am neglected, cast down, rejected, forsaken, unwanted, overlooked and misunderstood……All in the Natural. If any of these descriptions were matters my biological father accepted as his misguided reality without consulting the spirit, it’s no wonder his life ended the way that it did.  I have found that I cannot answer the question of “who I am” nor survive the cards that life has dealt me in the natural.  With gratefulness beyond description I have discovered In the SuperNatural that I am all of the opposite.  I am Loved, accepted, cherished, precious, protected, wanted, regarded, considered and completely comprehended. Had it not been for the sacrifice of Jesus Christ coupled by my belief in what he did is true, my end could certainly look like that of my earthly father.   The curse stops here!

I do thank my biological father for his contribution towards my existence. He is gone now and I remain content that I did all that I could to better our relationship.  I don’t have any regrets just some sorrow that he was never able to see that life could have been lived a completely different way with extraordinary results.

Never-the-less, my Spiritual truth is because of the sacrifices of The Great “I AM”, I survive and overcome the malice of my genetic makeup. I know though HIM and only through HIM that Somebody, I am………….

Inspiration, Relationships, Self Empowerment, Spiritual Awareness

When its time to Let Go

Letting-Go-Quotes-28

Have you ever remained in a toxic relationship because you felt you had to? You knew it was unhealthy.  All the signs were there.  In fact, nearly every time you were in the presence of  a certain person confirmation constantly warned you.  You knew it was unhealthy and more than likely would never improve.  However, the expectations of others coupled by your own guilt and people pleasing ways, you continue to endure.  The hurt, backstabbing, selfishness, conditional love, inconsistencies and lack of give and take; you accept it all, every time. Its all you have ever done and all you have ever known.   You are the only one in the relationship truly trying and all for the sake of what’s expected.  It’s a very heavy facade to bear long term.  Exposed you appear strong, handling it well, smile and laugh on cue because others are certainly watching and judging.  But behind closed doors you cry, ache, pray and long for change.  For waiting for change is easier than considering the inevitable…Letting go.

I think we all experience situations like this at some point in our lives.  Seasonal people come and go whether we release them or they walk away on their own.  Accepting the process is easier with some people than others.  Sometimes we recognize right away the unnecessary chaos a person is causing in our lives.  The “Good Byes and Good Riddance” comes effortlessly.  But what if this painful situation involves a loved one.  A person you are connected to by D.N.A. 1st line blood born relation.  What do you do then?

I have had to withstand this unfortunately a few times in my life. Not because I wanted to but because I had to.  One situation involved my biological father.  A man who walked out of my life as a toddler and remained excessively inconsistent for years.  Out of my desperation of wanting to be “Daddy’s Little Girl” I chased after him in an effort to win his approval, affection and adoration.  This failed pursuit lasted for nearly two decades.  If I did not chase he would not bother.  His words said that he loved me but his actions more than proved otherwise.  Letting go was not easy by far.  I was going to make him love and treat me the way I thought I deserved as his daughter.  That was my will and far from his.  After much hurt, countless tears, severe rejection and lack of support I finally let go.  It wasn’t until my heart lined up with my spirit that peace in the decision took over me. Today, its been nearly 4 years and I continue to experience a calm with this matter that has been priceless.  It is well with my soul for I am certain that I have done all I can. This type of serenity I only wish I had awarded myself in half the time versus 20 years.  But feeling obligated by the urging of others (But That’s Your Father!) and the little wounded girl within me still longing for his approval, I suffered longer than I ever had to.  I pray and wish nothing but the best for my Father, for he has missed out on the ultimate prize; the evolution of ME:-)

Unhealthy relationships can tear down the human spirit and cause one to lose focus on God’s infinite purpose for their life. Along the way depression, self loathing and a crushed esteem can be the ultimate result of staying in unprofitable relationships long term.  We get so stuck on a person’s title in our lives that we feel that we can do nothing but actively deal with it.  Just because someone is your Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Aunt, Uncle or Cousin gives them no right to wreck havoc in your life.  If these people are not working with you to improve the relationship in a give and take fashion a decision needs to be made to let them go.

The only obligation you have is towards yourself.  If you don’t take care of you certainly no one else will.  That’s a stark and painful reality when you consider family members for it is not politically correct to sever a relationship with certain people.  Right? Well I’m no politician by far and dare to go against the grain!

If a person continues to cause you pain, let them go!  if they are not working towards improving themselves or acknowledge their wrong doing in the relationship, let them go!  If they have continuously shown that they are envious, spiteful, un-supportive, critical  and simply don’t have your best interest at heart, LET THEM GO!  This may be scary but depending on the person, this may not be permanent.  Once they see how far away they have pushed you, they may come back around.  But in your letting go, have no expectations for this will only lead to more of a broken heart.

If you are reading this, can relate and are considering a situation like this in your life, ask yourself “What am I truly holding on to?” As painful as it may be, loosen up your grips, close your eyes, open your hands and let go.  Without guilt, without regret, without fear, heal and be free…..

“At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life” – Sandi Lynn

Inspiration, Relationships, Self Empowerment, Spiritual Awareness

Being Mad At God

Mad at God

While checking the activity of one of my social media accounts, I saw an interesting post that stopped me in my tracks.  It solicited responses to a very simple but thought provoking question. It read, “If you had the opportunity to talk to one person who is no longer on this earth, who would that be and what would you say to them?”  This poll obviously caught the attention of many for there were countless replies to the common thread.  The evident was noted as people wrote out their desires to see, touch and feel loved ones who had pass away.  Mothers, fathers, spouses, friends, children and others were a mutual theme.  Yet as I considered the remarks of numerous strangers to this question, I also noted another trendy response.  Many wished they had the change to talk face-to-face with the Heavenly Father and ask him countless “Why” questions.  Why so much poverty?; Why the premature death?; Why did this thing not work out when I tried my best?; Why did you allow the enemy to win in this situation?; WHERE ARE YOU? These common pleas confirmed in my spirit that there are a lot of people Mad at God.

As a believer, I can relate to these sentiments and have no problem admitting so.  Many of us will not.  Giving off the ongoing façade that they remain in the glory, ever believing, faithful and trusting at all times is perceived as the right thing to do as a mature Christian.  Personally I think this mindset is a completely deceiving testament to those who struggle to understand how God operates in our lives.  If we are not REAL about our experiences, (while we are going through them, and not just after the deliverance), we silently give off a false perception about this walk. Who is that really helping?

I am a realist and a very practical thinker.  As a believer, I see strengths and flaws in these personality traits, but they are who I am none-the-less (And God knows this already for I am his child).  As I pen these words, I myself am going through my own state of mixed emotions with God.   There are sets of circumstances going on in my life that I am just not happy with and I wonder where he is and what he is doing in the midst of it all.  Not proud to admit but in my times of frustration, I stop communicating with him for I don’t know what to say.  This is especially true during those times when I think I have heard from him so clearly, walked out in what I thought I heard and then it does not work out.  What now? I certainly don’t want to hear a bunch of Christian Cliché’s, for they are not resourceful. I don’t want to be around a bunch of fake believers who are not honest about “The going through” process either. Who needs that!  My relationship with God is very personal and has similar ups and downs to when I am having a challenge with my spouse, a friend a co-worker or other significant relationships.  The only difference is no matter how indifferent I become, I always end up back on my knees apologizing, asking for forgiveness and falling right back into his arms. The truth is, no matter how mad I get, the act of coming back to him shows I still trust him with my life; for there is nothing else I choose to do.

For those today who are disappointed or angry with God, let me encourage you to not stay there long.  Sort out your feelings, have your spiritual temper tantrum then remember that he is the God that has your best interest at hand (Even when it doesn’t seem like it!)  Although we are made in his image, He does not think like us, he does not move like us, and he certainly does not react like us. Thank Goodness! Could you imagine if he did?  I don’t even want to think about it!!

Some may disagree with me, but I believe that its human nature to be mad and disappointed with God at times.  We are with everything else, so why be phony about this factual position?  We are fooling no one especially not HIM! He knows each and every one of us no matter how perfect we try to present ourselves to others.

My best words of advice on this controversial topic is to tell God how you feel.  In your anger, in your tears in your frustration….Be REAL with him!  He already knows anyway but you will feel so much better when you can get it out in the open with HIM first!  After you have “vented” immediately go into the act of asking for forgiveness, thank him, worship him and tell him that in spite of it all, you still trust him.  REALLY, what else are you going to do that makes sense, is profitable and will restore your sense of peace?

There is a song that I listen to when I am feeling this way.  It’s called “Fragile”. Listen to the words and I am sure you will be able to relate to each and every lyric.  God still has our backs no matter how mad we get or how improbable life seems to become.

Tasha Page-Lockhart – Fragile-   https://youtu.be/UGzjeLFCqCI