Category: Relationships

Inspiration, Relationships

Friends and Evolution

About a month ago, I was challenged to examine myself and why it seems I struggle to retain authentic friendships. The words were spewed upon me critically and harshly with the intent to damage my soul. But, to no avail; I know who I am and whose I am……

Truth is, at 46 years old, I don’t view friendships in the way I use to 10, 20, nor 30 years ago. I accredit this to the process called evolution and a spiritual mind renewal.

Unapologetically, I happen to be a critical thinker, filled with creativity in thoughts and ideas. I prefer to be alone to operate in that space a great deal of the time. It’s a part of my make up. Periodic isolation helps me to be better for others. This makes me who I am comfortably and naturally; introverted.

This loner side of me is the dominant side of my personality but does not define who I am in totality. I certainly don’t loath the presence of people in an intimate and binding way. Like any human being, I need others to survive in healthy yet productive friendships.

As I have matured, I no longer keep people in my personal space based off of longevity and simply just to say I have a friend. If there is no stimulating friction between me and another, I tend to get bored and move on. I’d simply rather not because it feels like wasted time, SOMETIMES. May sound a bit arrogant but this happens to be MY RealBoldTruth!

Again, those words may seem harsh and that’s truly not the intent. You see, I thrive in the environment of like minded people. When I need friendships they must have certain attributes. Those I can learn from, grow with mentally, physically and spiritually. I don’t tolerate anything less very well and notice that I can get turned off when growth, partnering, temptation to slip into old habits or mindless entertainment is in excess.

If a person entered my life two decades ago and still talks the same, still walks the same, still hangs out in the same places, and has not evolved, I begin to distance myself. I admit that at times I don’t start the process in the best of ways. This, I do need to work on so that others can understand my perspective and I don’t leave people wondering and hanging.

Today my circle of friends looks nothing like those I had 10 years ago. I am blessed with some women in my life that I consider true sisters, an attribute I’ve never had and don’t take for granted. I have more friends today than at any other time in my life! We hang out and communicate in unique and non traditional ways but it works for us and compliments our demanding lifestyles.

My friends are sharp, spirit filled and spirit led. One or two are true confidants. They challenge me NOT to stay where I am and to never get comfortable as if I’ve arrived. They call me on my stuff when I don’t want to hear it! They won’t let me drown in my own flaws or self pity and are certainly NOT in competition with me for they too know their value and God-Given worth. They are mentors, motivators, prayer partners, business owners, educators, unique visionaries and so much more. I operate in the same capacity for them in return.

So to my critics that inspired this blog, you are right only in part. I don’t retain friendships with people that keep me stuck, standing still, functioning in old unproductive habits and other attributes that stifle my confidence and growth. I’m too old to just be trying to fit in. I won’t compromise simply to say I have friends for that combination won’t be a lasting match for anyone involved. Evolution is inevitable, seasons change, and so must I.

Inspiration, motivational, Relationships, Testimony, Wisdom

Racism-The Great Form of Evil

Like a great deal of my fellow Americans, my heart simply aches over the recent events that have taken place in Charlottesville VA. It’s a national disgrace and I’m struggling to see a United front in and for “We The People”. Leadership has also delivered a stance a day or two late leaving me wondering if the good for us all is truly a non-biased priority.

My personal experience and view points regarding the topic of racism runs painfully deep. I was once grossly affected by the matter especially as a youth.

Like yesterday I can clearly recall walking to elementary school with my cousins and needing to run through several blocks to safety or risk getting jagged edged rocks slammed in the back of my head. I eventually mastered dodging the blows but only after being wounded on multiple occasions. This was a daily sprint and no way around the confrontation generated simply because of the color of my skin.

In middle school, a boy spat in my face and called me an ugly nigger. I tried to chase him down in flip flops but never caught up to him. I was left feeling like dirt on the ground as his warm thick saliva oozed over my eye and down my cheek. To this day, I believe spitting on another human beings is one of the worst forms of insult imaginable.

Not long after that another approached me and asked me to perform a disgraceful sexual act on him. I remember feeling so frightened for it took him repeating it several times before I understood what he was asking. He was seriously vulgar and I was just about 9 years old.

Several more instances happened thereafter which I won’t disclose but I remember developing the learned behavior of prejudice by the time I was in high school. All of my insults came from caucasian males and I grew a racist distaste over the very site of them. I put them all in the same category and couldn’t fathom any good at all. As an extended result, I didn’t socialize, befriend or seek to get to know anyone that didn’t look like me. I made the assumption that any race outside of my own automatically hates me and I them.

By the time I was approaching 20, a life changing event occurred that melted away a very deep form of racist hate that had been growing in my heart for years. I had rededicated my life to Christ after hitting some tough places and moved to a neighborhood where most residents did not match my skin complexion. I was overwhelmed by how I was embraced but still had guards up looking for hidden agendas. The acceptance just couldn’t be true as I considered my previous encounters. 

Not long after that I befriended a beautiful Korean girl who had a Jewish boyfriend with the biggest heart I’d ever met. Truly the sweetest in my life up to that point. I genuinely grew to love them both and was blessed for these friendships. 

I made a point thereafter to not classify everyone simply because of the ignorance of a few. God healed my heart of the deepest form of hate and I purposely sought out opportunities to get to know all kinds of people who were also willing to get to know me.

Today my heart is completely open and longs for diversity in my relationships. I no longer find contentment in surrounding myself with only African Americans. In fact I prefer to worship with a congregation with a healthy mix of all kinds of people. My current church fulfills that beyond description and I have sisterly/brotherly like bonds that far exceed color lines. Our bond is spiritual by the DNA we share through the sacrifice of our common father, Jesus Christ.

It’s a beautiful experience and I would have it no other way. Adding God’s revelation to my adolescent ignorance as I matured showed me the true definition of love. Had I remained stuck on my initial experiences I would have missed out on rapport with some wonderful people. That would have been my loss for certain if I had chosen to remain oblivious.

I pray for our country and won’t give up hope that we can put our racial differences aside, bond together as humans and demonstrate respect instead of hate. Globally, those with a racists agenda are truly the minority and can remain as such if the majority commit to condemn their behavior as completely unacceptable! 

This may not come to pass in my life time but at least I’m living proof that with God’s love, even a powerful stance of racial animosity can be healed and conquered in Him. I’m living proof, He’s able.

Broken, Relationships

Sins of a Female Saint – Part 1 

The attraction was overwhelmingly intense. Like the power of 10 industrial size magnets I was being drawn in and could not stop it. In fact, after a time I didn’t want to stop it. I pursued and hunted after a single meeting and conversation that ignited something deep in me that apparently had died. Suddenly I felt alive and I wanted; no I needed more.

His smile, his features, his laugh, his smell were so completely intoxicating! His sense of humor was very similar to mine. We had so much in common and talked for hours…if and when we could. I had not been attracted to anyone this strongly and at this level in well over a decade and had forgotten what the experience felt like. My cheeks burned from blushing every-time I heard his voice. He would leave messages for me overnight on my work voice machine. I looked forward to them the instant they began. I found myself anxious to get up in the morning. Couldn’t wait to see if he was thinking of me overnight like I thought of him. He never disappointed. I listened to his messages frequently throughout the day.
I couldn’t sleep at night. Visions of him would not stop. I fantasizes during times that I knew I shouldn’t; when I should be working , studying, while in church and even while lying in bed next to my husband of nearly 10 years…

My marriage was severely broken. I was just 23 when I wedded, a babe in Christ and was told by the church mothers that we must stop living in sin. A little less than a year after meeting, we exchanged vows. It was not long afterwards that I began to discover that I didn’t take enough time to get to know him, to know myself and what God expected of me vs. the religious practices of man. Still I held on unsure, growing increasingly unhappy because I didn’t want to disappoint. I made God a promise and I was going to keep it by any means necessary. I prayed hard, long, and often. I got counseling too; still I faltered. 

The attraction came along at the most vulnerable time. Love, respect, intimacy, connection, and the will to keep trying in my marriage was dying for me. I was outgrowing my mate mentally and spiritually and the reality of it all was very painful. I was not keeping the facade together outwardly because a few that were close could clearly see the stark imbalance between us two. This new love interest reminded me often that I could still have those things I longed for again. 

For months, he became the only bright spot in my life for all hell began to break loose in my world. I was losing it all simultaneously. My health, my relationships, my home, my finances, my sanity, my way….. I ran to him for shelter, friendship then ultimately mental and physical comfort…..
This is my deepest, darkest and most painful confession. I once was a Christian Female Adulteress.

Even as I re-read the words above, nearly 10 years after these series of events,  it still doesn’t sound like me. My character, my beliefs, my position; I compromised them all with a single decision and I payed a deep price for it all. That price was the inability to move forward for an extended period of time. I believed that everything adverse that was happening to me was the result of what I did. Certainly I deserved it because I dishonor my vows. I drowned In thinking I didn’t deserve and I couldn’t forgive myself. I didn’t even know I needed to until just 2 years ago. 

Five years ago I conceived my first and only biological child. This happened out of wedlock and during a time when I walked away from God. I was extremely unhealthy spiritually and carried around a tremendous amount of pain, anger and guilt. I finally came to my senses for the sake of my child. Oh Lord I need thee!

I went for counseling with my son’s father upon his request. I only expected family therapy to learn how to co-parent with him. It’s all I wanted and nothing more. We were crazy about each other but with both of us being divorcees we never fully gave our relationship a chance. At the time,we had been apart as a couple for nearly a year. The Pastors who were assigned to help us clearly saw we were madly in love and they needed to seperate us to get to the bottom of our individual issues. 

So much came out in those sessions and I learned I needed to forgive myself for how I left my first marriage. When I finally released, it was such a heavy burden ejected from my soul. How I wish I would have done that earlier and saved myself 8 years of unnecessary mental anguish! Those family counseling sessions ultimately turned into pre-marital counseling. We married October 10, 2014. 

For me, this is the most intimate and embarrassing thing I have ever revealed. I know that I need to share for there are other women who suffer silently. Although men are more likely than women to commit adultery making this topic for them an accepted norm, women fail to be honest about the matter due to the harsh criticism we more than likely will subject ourselves to.

I personally am over how people may respond. I’ve beat myself up worse than any human ever could and sentenced myself to an 8 year term of absolute mental torture. Nothing hurts worse than that. Today I am completely set free and reconciled the most important relationship in my life; my bond with my Lord, my Savior, my Redeemer, Christ Jesus.

By-the-way, If you are wondering what ever happened to the man I fell for .. Well, he is the one I married. This is my RealBoldTruth! 

motherhood, Parenting, Relationships

Order in the Family


One evening last week I was sitting down watching an episode of America’s Got Talent (2016).

A young man by the name of Campbell Walker Fields captured my soul for a moment and had my undivided attention. He is African American, 14 years old and shared a painful testimony about how he was given away by his birth mother and adopted by a Caucasian gay couple who are both males. 

This young man poured out his heart about how he longed to find and meet his mother. Although extremely appreciative of the love and sacrifice from his adopted fathers, he still longed to unite with the source he originated from. The two men who raised Campbell looked on and encouraged their son’s journey. I was completely moved to compassion by their sincerity and support to help their son find closure and ultimately peace. Tears filled their eyes as they clung to one another as Campbell belted out lyrics to a song he composed assuring his mother that he longs to see and has always loved her. 

It was clear that Campbell has never been without love, provision and security. His dads clearly care for him like their own. He wanted for nothing less than the woman who helped bring his life forth but chose not to raise him. His life was still incomplete.

I found myself asking if this young man had all he needed, why would he still long for the woman who gave him away? God answered my question with this statement:

“I have never changed my mind on my original design for the family simply because humanity has.”

The response shook my spirit like nothing has in a very long time!

It was always the purposed intent of our Lord for a concrete family structure: The man who follows God, the woman who follows the man and when they reproduce and bear children, these new lives are molded by the original two. This design, if followed by his Word and instructions for life, is absolutely flawless! Brokenness is inevitable when man changes this design intentionally or unintentionally.

The spirit of our living God is completely grieved when:

Men abandon their families and forfeit their leadership positions as Head-of-household.

Mothers turn away from their children denying them proper nurturing mentally or physically. 

Women are forced to play the role of both parents when the man decides to leave.

Men and Women become lovers of themselves and interrupt the process of natural reproduction.

And so much more….

All of this can leave children left alone, confused, misguided, lacking, and questioning their origin long into their adult years. This vicious cycle can continue into the next generation poisoning our future.

Millions of lives are shattered today because of human divination from the architectural structure of the family defined by the Lord.

No matter how much any other way is justified, His way is the spiritual fabric of our make up, and has been since the beginning of time. This is undeniable under the most intense debate!

The slightest alteration in the perfect family design is the very reason why at 43 years of age, I still feel the obvious void of not being effectively parented. It’s a wound that seems to never heal. It’s the reason why Campbell who wants for nothing still longs to have the mother he was denied of. It’s the reason why other grown and clearly successful figures like Kelly Clarkson  would pen a song about the father who abandoned her entitled “Piece by Piece”. She made something of herself despite his absence but will still breakdown when reflecting on her childhood and how he left her.

No changes of law, fight for freedom, or stances for equality will ever change the original unadulterated hand of God. society can try and has advanced in efforts, but lives will continue to be shattered at the very foundation the more we place resistance on His Will for our lives.

Forgiveness, Inspiration, reflection, Relationships

The Grasp of A Million Pieces

She said she was raped and I am the product of the act. She was young, naive and longing for someone to love her. I just wasn’t expected.

She rationalized in her mind to somehow make right out of the wrong by seeing the pregnancy through and somehow create a family. So she stayed with my father and her offender….

A mother she never wanted to be, at least not now and not this way. She had dreams of her own which were now delayed, deferred and ultimately denied. For this child required so much and sometimes it was hard to give of herself naturally and free from resentment.
He made promises to her that never came to fruition. She ultimately found the courage to leave with the baby born between them; against the visions for her life. Only to meet yet another man with similar behaviors, patterns and intentions….

This is the truth of my Mother…

Mine is…
When calculating the ages of both my parents, my conception was indeed an act of statutory assault if nothing more. He was nearly 10 years her senior when she delivered me at the tender age of 17. She was just a kid that had a kid…

This news was delivered to me after the death of my father at age 69 last year. Cancer stole his last breath. The blow of how I came to be left my already fractured life without reason, completely shattered with revelation into a million pieces….
It all made sense to me now. Our life long struggle to function as a healthy mother and daughter duo and my father’s inability to be just that. Was the sight of me in their eyes a constant reminder of what probably should have never happened in the first place? Mere Speculation on my part but probably not far from reality…

I can not obtain clarity on this question from my father but my mother is still here for she was battling cancer simultaneously…and I’m thankful she survived….

How was it for her to look in the face of a child she was not sure she wanted and yet choose to stay? Quite difficult I can only imagine. The extreme amount of pain left her crippled to effectively mother a girl whose odds of facing her same circumstances were great. Yet she did what only she could; to provide the bare necessities. Anything more was often times agonizing and close to impossible.


Oh and Back to me…my emotions have been grossly mixed. Grateful that I found this out long into my adulthood and not in my unstable adolescent years when I often times contemplated suicide. So hurt that I was defined this way leaving me unable to look myself in mirrors as I passed by; praising my creator for protecting me when I did not have the protection of my parents and angry at God all in the same breath….A weird distasteful emotional concoction equivalent to the mix of pickled red beets, sauerkraut, and albacore; the blend should never be!

Although a tremendous amount of pain, we are healing inspite of..

We hold on to one another less loosely. These days I don’t feel like it’s out of obligation. The grip has become less burdensome since we have discussed this openly and honestly. It got uglier before it got better but this too had to be.
We can’t change the past but have a future we can define however we so choose. As an individual and now mother myself I must accept her truth and deal with my own. I have some control over that at least. I still naturally need her love regardless of how I came to be and how much she chooses to give. She’s the only Mom I have; the DNA can’t be replaced. (Look at the picture of us below; I am her little mini-me.) And when I consider the totality of her story, she has strength that I do completely admire…

So we hold on. Free to love each other without expectations. We take what we can get and its truly enough! I tell the devil to kick rocks in this matter. I need to heal and move on! For this mother and daughter, after all we’ve been through; finally are.

Relationships

3 Reasons to Date Your Husband

Ladies, take your man out on a date!

Now before you go frowning up at the suggestion, PLEASE note that these recommendations are for Wives only. Not girlfriends, live in chicks, fiancés or any other status not yet bound by legal matrimony!

I would never recommend a woman doing what a man should rightfully be doing for you! He should understand your value, worth and consider working on making you his “Good Thing”! (Proverbs 18:22) The courting process should never be an option!

Ok, now that I got that out the way, back to the Wives….
Before you comment to my blog with that “What you talkin bout Willis” tone, let me explain…..

 

My husband and I have been together for nearly a decade.  I can count on one hand how many “Just Because” dates we went out on that were actually initiated by him over the course of that time.  Suddenly I’m majorly frustrated.  Dropping hints about who is coming to town in concert was not working.  Suggestions in “By the way” conversations about a play I would like to see would go over the top.  Sending text messages and e-mails during work hours of event mailing lists I subscribed to were hitting a brick wall as well.  I concluded that he just wasn’t getting it and probably never will!

 

Last year after communicating my displeasure to him in a not so nice way I must add, I learned that he had frustrations of his own in this same area that I simply never considered. He kept it to himself and my approach pulled it out of him.  The way it happened was not my intentions by far but I am glad it happened.  I was left needing to repent fast! (Wives our mouths can get us in trouble big time!) THAT’S REAL TALK!

After that “minor meltdown” I took matters into my own hands.  I just started dating him and we are having a complete blast!

Wives Consider this if you are facing these same frustrations with your husband:

 

 

1. Relieve you unrealistic expectations that he should be Casanova all the time.

 Men don’t think like us and can easily fall into routine and get tunnel vision. They may take care of Birthdays, Anniversaries, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, and Christmas but many stop there and feel their duties are fulfilled.  You may have to pick up the pieces in order to keep your relationship fun and fresh!

 

2. Get what you want, when you want, every time!

Don’t you hate it when someone does something for you that you really don’t like.  Having to grin and bear it so that you won’t hurt their feelings and down play their efforts can be painful.  If you take charge of the date nights you get to choose and get what you want!  Movies, concerts, plays, bowling, museums, couples night, stay in or go out.  Its all up to you!

3. The Sky’s the limits – you set the frequency and have control! Weekly, monthly, quarterly, etc.

I have been dating my husband now on a regular for the past 6 months.  I try to implement a mandatory date night at least monthly.  I tell him what we are doing, where we are going, who we will be with; date and time.  He entertains me by going along with the plans and finds himself pleasantly surprised by how much fun we have together! It really has been awesome!  By the way,  I think I secretly get a serious thrill out of the control aspect of this thing and telling him what to do!  It’s about the only time I can get him into the “Yes Dear” mode!  LOL! (Sorry Honey!) HAPPY WIFE/HAPPY LIFE!

 

These times are just about us!  It’s an investment in the health of our marriage and reminder that fun does not end at the alter.  We are creating memories and breaking up the mundane routine of life by making fun a requirement! It does a world of good to forget about problems, bills, the kids, work and any other pressures for a few hours and reconnect as a couple on a regular basis.

 

 

So wives, if I have not convinced you already, consider this; the Bible says that we are ONE with our husbands (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:8). Since that is the case, does it really matter who coordinates Date Night?  We should be treating each other the way we would want to be treated.  I think this is a no-brainer situation, at least it was for me.  What do you REALLY have to lose? Who knows, he may enjoy you dating him so much that he will himself learn the process. If he doesn’t, don’t get upset just enjoy what you have especially if you know you’re not trading him in anyway!

Now cross this topic off the “we need counseling” list and concentrate on the other 199 we need to work on in our marriages! Make this one less thing!


  

Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Relationships, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness

WHERE YOU THINK YOU GOING??

Jesus Take the Wheel

This experience is amazing! The feeling is incredible, it’s peaceful serenity beyond my imagination and a calming I have never known. I don’t want it to ever escape me. So I am holding on with a grasp so strong that I can almost feel the warm sensation of bleeding trickling down my soul. It’s cutting, but I welcome the agony for it really hurts so good.

 

Yet I’m way too vulnerable for complete comfort. I feel naked and exposed; emotionally and spiritually. I’m use to calling my own shots, making my own way and producing my own results. Surrendering my will is the hardest thing I have ever had to do! That’s REAL TALK! Yet at this precise moment in my life, I have no other choice. My health, my sanity, my destiny are all at risk if I keep trying to create my own path which has been leading me absolutely nowhere! That’s the agony and bleeding of it all.

 

 

hamsterwheel

I have talked a good talk and presented myself outwardly as if I’m truly believing. But I confess that I have been a counterfeit. Far from authentic in what I know to be true! My pride has gotten the very best of me and I’m left weak and out of options.

I’m talking about a REAL faith walk. REALLY trusting God with my now and my future. I’ve been delaying my own destiny with my stubbornness and trying to go in the opposite direction of his will for my life. I haven’t trusted that he REALLY is going to do what he said he will.

 

 

Faith Walk

Father God I’m sorry, for my ego has been my drive. I’ve been an Indian giver and playing tug of war with you for too long. I’m letting go and finally surrender my wheel to you….

 

 

Are you trying to make your own way out of fear, being comfortable in routine, lack of patience and not trusting God enough? Having more faith in our own strength than his promises is a sure method to a dead end.

 

 

 

im me i trust

Think about it as I have as you journey through 2016 and make some adjustments. Is it time for you to give up that stressful job that is clearly taking a toll on your health but you fear lacking provision? Is it time to stop procrastinating and start that business but you fear not having resources? Is it time to stop demanding your own way in your relationships because you just have to always be right? Is it time for you to go to the alter and solidify your union according to God’s plan for man and wife but you are fearful because your last ended with divorce? What ever it is that you are trying to keep control of, ask yourself an honest question; is it really working for you?

His best for your life is directly connected to you simply letting go and TRULY letting God….

 

Let Go

 

Forgiveness, Homosexuality, Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Relationships, self-help, Spiritual Awareness, Uncategorized

Coming IN – A GLBT Tribute

  

As a Believer this is the most difficult, complex and controversial article I have ever written. I’m actually a bit nervous as I own these words. What will they say? What will they think? What backlashing label will I receive? Should I even utter a word? Never-the-less, I am compelled for I know that these are some of the same sentiments those in the GLBT community face daily and more. So as brave as many of them have become, so shall I from a Christian perspective as I come to terms with what I have labeled as their process of “Coming In”. 

I confess that I have viewed those in the GLBT realm rather harshly as a heterosexual female and Believer in the Gospel of Christ Jesus. My judgement as an imperfect being against another has been the true reflection of hypocrisy. For this I am truly remorseful. I vow to work on this from here on out!

Over the past several months I had the opportunity to be up close and personal with two couples. One, a mixed married male couple who invited my husband and I to their home for a birthday celebration. I initially had reservations because of the unknown. My husband is a childhood friend of one of the men. He has known him for over 30 years but had not seen him in many. His friend has been avoiding school reunions and other gatherings and we can only suspect it’s because of his lifestyle. When they were young, he did not portray himself as a Gay man. The suspicion was there but no one dared to ask. By the end of the night I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of kindness, overwhelming hospitality, conversation and generosity extended to us. I had a fabulous time! There was nothing weird, gross, or disturbing behavior displayed. Most importantly, my husband walked away with closure as he took a moment with his friend to clear the air, asked him to own up to his choices and officially introduce us to his spouse. Even as a middle aged man living Gay for many years, it was evident that the request was both difficult and a tremendous relief all at the same time. To my surprise, I was genuinely happy for the couple and look forward to seeing them again.

The other couple are females. They are very young and facing their beginning years of embracing their sexuality publicly. I have an intimate and binding relationship with one of the them. I have known of her struggle to walk in her truth for years but we have never talked about it due to both distance, time and opportunity. I have also suspected avoidance on both our parts as a culprit as well. 

Recently I stole a moment with her. It was time to remove the elephant in the room that has been a hinderance in our relationship. It was time for him to go! At this point in our lives I wanted to create a sense of transparency in order to bring us closer if at all possible. I started the conversation by telling her how proud I am of her accomplishments as a young woman. She has been stellar in academics, has developed a committed work ethic, still dabbles in her creativity and has recently ventured out and secured her own living quarters. She is so personable, funny and loving. I followed by telling her if anything I had to say makes her uncomfortable to simply shut me down! At this point I felt I had a right to address the issue. Her transition is happening before my eyes so why not talk about it since she’s part of my life indefinitely. I only hoped she saw my approach the same way.

I told her that I am not only proud of her life achievements but also her bravery and strength of “Coming In” to her true and authentic self. Anything less has been bondage, suppression, and down right phony for her. She can’t live her life trying to fulfill everyone else’s expectations of who they think she should be. I believe the conversation was embraced and bought on a sense of relief. At least it did for me. I am not one of the most significant in her circle but I am a part never-the-less. I needed her to know that I love her no matter what.  

For Christians, I think we must alter our approach when it comes to the GLBT Community. After we share what the word says then provide warning against wrong doing there is nothing left but to give love and PRAY! They are not going anywhere and are making great strides in their fight for acknowledgement and equality. We do ourselves and our Savior an injustice by classifying their way of life as the greatest sin of all. Only he has a right to do that. 

Please know that I DO NOT condone the lifestyle. I believe it greatly interrupts God’s plan for his children. According to the word of God in which I believe, it is sin. He calls it an abomination. Noted in both the Old and New Testament, the act does not conform to HIS will for human life. (Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, Romans 1:26-27)

Furthermore, neither do I condemn the lifestyle because I have no right as a person who must deal with my own sins as I walk with God. Unforgiveness, revenge seeking, self loathing, looking down on others and not being compassionate enough towards those in need are just to name a few that I have battled with just this week! I have countless issues, THIS IS REAL TALK! I’m not and will never be perfect. I have my own work to do! So do those who continue to judge the GLBT community. None are blameless! The Word is absolutely clear about this as well! (Matthew 7:1-5)

To my brothers and sister in Christ, please consider addressing the GLBT community as you would anyone else. I am certainly NOT talking about the ridiculous concept of “Praying The Gay Away”! it’s not going to happen! Pray for their safety for they are being hunted, harassed and harmed. Pray for their well being for some consider taking their own lives because the struggle of accepting who they are is real! Pray for their health for many are sick. (Not just with HIV & AIDS – Lets remove the stigma that they all are some big walking disease because all of them are not!) Pray for their relationships with family and friends to heal and grow stronger. Pray for those who share our Faith in Christ that they don’t loose sight of who he is in their lives. Finally Pray for their salvation for many believe that God does not want them because of how they live. This is what we Must Do in love. (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

To the GLBT community, forgive me, the Church and those who judge you that are far from perfect. I am learning that many of you who don’t flaunt promiscuity or force your choices in the faces of others are some of the most beautiful, loving and giving people ever! You have morals, values and respect very similar to my own. Honestly, I am learning to embrace the GLs but still struggle with the BTs. I just simply don’t get it, but am more willing to take a more sensitive and neutral position again because of my own imperfections.

I no longer view the process of exposing sexuality as a “Coming Out”. It is rather a “Coming In”; to a truth that is so personal and not about anyone else but the person dealing with the matter. Yes others will ultimately have to decide what they will do once you expose, especially if you have been concealing from family and friends. But the first person to accept who you are as a GLBT person is YOU. Be authentic, be sovereign, be secure, be well in mind, body and spirit. Last but not least, “Come In” to knowing that God STILL loves and wants you! No matter what you think or what others tell you. Develop and “Come In” to a personal relationship with him. JUST AS YOU ARE! YOU’RE GOING TO NEED HIM. We all do! He loves all of his children no matter how messy we think we may be. No one is exempt from receiving his love and no one has done anything so terrible that they are not worthy of it. Unlike humans, His love is unconditional! Let go of the insignificant perception of others. People don’t matter when it comes to You and God! Breath; Be you, Be Free, and just “Come In”.

Comments to this blog are encouraged. Anything offensive, derogatory, and over-opinionated as deemed by the author will be deleted. 

Forgiveness, Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Relationships, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness

Forgive God

Several months ago I discovered an extremely disheartening fact about my life. Although I did nothing to contribute to the circumstances, the news left me incredibly disturbed. In digesting what had been shared about how I came to be, my emotions ran extremely wild. At first I was shocked and numb, then I was grateful that I had not heard this years earlier. For my fragile and unstable spirit in my adolescent years could have possibly led me to an untimely grave.
Then I shifted to understanding. I felt a heightened level of empathy for those involved and even hoped one day they will find peace in it all. The news also provided real clarity concerning some difficult questions I have bared about my life for countless years. It all makes sense to me now. Finally I know; But left extremely livid with God…

A blog post I wrote earlier this year was entitled “Being Mad at God” To this day I don’t believe enough people will admit to having these sentiments. I am indeed a believer in the Gospel of Christ but I am also a realist which may not alway be a valuable quality. I feel I am doing my relationship with my Savior an injustice if I don’t remain authentic with my feelings. THAT’S REAL TALK! How else can I move forward?

Two weeks ago I had the privilege of sharing my truth with someone who survived a similar fate in life. This woman is a wise pillar of incredible strength. A nurturing motherly figure she is with a sweet and genuine disposition. She is also extremely no-nonsense when it comes to spiritual warfare. A powerful intercessor in prayer and counsel. I was divinely set up to share my pain with her and I was ready.

“You must Forgive God.”, was part of her advice as she prayed for me. In all of my 42 years on this earth I had never heard of such a thing! I’m already Mad at him which I dare not share with a single soul now I have to forgive him? Who am I to have such audacity? It almost sounded like blasphemy; an insult to the High One who does no wrong, EVER! I was left overwhelming perplexed but intrigued at the same time.

I left my counselor feeling renewed but still confused. How do I begin a process that I can’t even relate feeling worthy of? He’s God and nothing he does or allows is error. ! (All things are working for our good. Romans 8:28) Still I needed to consider if there was any validity to the theory.

After a week of digesting my nearly 3 hour mentoring conversation I finally decided to explore the option. I was still feeling some kind of way towards God. I had to do something. I referenced the Internet and Googled the term “Forgive God”. As I suspected, I received very few hits in return. No one is admitting to my experience nor have they written on the topic. I initially felt awful and nearly chalked this matter up as me simply being immature in my Christian Walk. I just need to grow up once and for all. But then I ran across an article on a credible website. It was just what I needed to read!

My anger with God is due to my hurt feelings. In all honesty, I have felt let down, disappointed, betrayed and ill regarded by the one who created me. How can he allow these things to happen to me if he loves me and is in control of all things?

I must deal with these individual emotions and come to grips that God truly cares about my views. If I don’t, my future and others tied to it are in jeopardy. His perfect will is indeed manifesting in my life and all circumstances had to be, even those I have been grossly offended by.

I am learning that the act of “Forgiving God” is not equivalent to that of Flesh & Blood. Human lives WILL DO wrong requiring forgiveness. But since God NEVER wrongs, addressing forgiveness with him must be approached differently.

The adverse emotions that I feel towards him are what the enemy wants in order for me to stay stuck in self pity. The longer I reside in these emotions the longer I delay my destiny that the pain is a direct part of. Like my counselor, my pain is not about me alone. Others are waiting to be free by my testimony. Just as she did for me I must position myself for those in waiting.

Forgiveness is a process which I am still working through. More prayer scripture and faith in the matter is the only prescription I need to finally heal. I’ve tried, but truth is I simply can’t live without God. There is no other way….

(Cut and paste the below links to access the article and theme song. For those who have discretely dealt with this issue, you will be blessed!)

Article –  Will you forgive God?
http://www.charismamag.com/spirit/spiritual-growth/15336-will-you-forgive-god&ei=hMAdUMeAF8nTyAG_loH4Bg&usg=AFQjCNHVwalZDmXZh_CYjUYXa4KsIw76_g
Theme Song –  There is no way I can live without you.

 

Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Relationships, Spiritual Awareness

Love Conditions

Conditional Love

I have lived on this earth long enough and have survived enough trials to confidently declare that the human heart needs what it needs. As a result, and like a wounded child acting out in a tantrum, the heart won’t stop bleeding and crying out until it is fulfilled.   Depending on the situation connected to the yearning, this silent fret may unfortunately be a life- long muted experience for many.

Human beings need to be loved.  I don’t declare this as if it is news but just restating its fact.  But there are different degrees of love that are extended to us that cannot be duplicated by any other source.  The love a child gives its mother is not the same as the love given by her husband.  Just as the love provided by a true friend cannot be substituted by that extended by a parent.  This can be validated when considering a man successful in his trade, wealthy in his accounts, healthy in his status, and plentiful in friends, family and business relationships. He appears to have it all.  But in the midnight hour and when no one is watching he must deal with that hollow area in his heart that desires a companion. Nothing else in his life will satisfy this longing so his heart will bleed.  Or what about that woman who has the most loving husband, the house, the cars, the career and the reputation that most would envy.  Yet her wound is barren and she can’t conceive.  Her longing for a child has been denied so her heart aches and bleeds in the very same way.  There is no substitute that will completely end this painful flow from the heart but the thing it desires; WITH CONDITIONS .  Time can and will be spent attempting to substitute the void but nothing ever truly satisfies.

It has been nearly three weeks since my biological father left this earth.  I am experiencing varying degrees of grief that have surprised me. I resent that I miss what I never had that only he could provide.  There was never any substitute for me.   During my second day out on bereavement leading up to his funeral, I spent several hours alone and I cried out to the Lord probably like I have never.  I asked one question repeatedly, “Why didn’t my father love me?” God responded to me in my dream after crying myself to sleep, “Chanel, he did, just not by your definition.” With the inquisitive mind that I have I had to analyze this answer.  How was I expecting my father to love me?  All I wanted was for him to be Present, to Provide and to Protect. That wasn’t too much to ask or was it? It should have been a natural fraternal instinct but it wasn’t for my father and I didn’t get that.

I put conditions on his love towards me.  As a result I could not see what love he was either able or willing to provide.  I wanted love on my own terms and what he was offering simply wasn’t good enough then and honestly it would not be now if he were still alive.  I am human and that’s Real Talk! Love by his definition did not stop the bleeding of my heart or fill that void only he as a father could.  I felt I deserved more and stopped talking to him for periods at a time as a result.  I have heard my father utter that he loved me many times throughout my life. But since his actions did not line up with my expectations I took his words as lip service and lies.  God showed me on that day that my father was not ever capable of loving me the way that I wanted him to. That’s just not how he was made up. This has been the sole source of discord in our relationship and it took his death for me to finally get clarity. I am forever grateful for the resolve.

Because we are human we have hopes of those significant relationships in our lives. When we get them we have expectations.  We feel that certain people should automatically treat us a in a guaranteed way.   These hopes come with outlined conditions and if we don’t get what we want we will react.

For those empty hearts that may never be filled with what we think we need or want, God is there unconditionally.  He never proposes prerequisites like we do and loves us all the time in spite of our ways.   Hallalujah! That is really good news!  Can you imagine if God loved us in the same fashion as we do others?  The human race would be lost for sure!

Although it is part of the human spirit to long for people to treat and love us in certain ways we need to consider reason and if we are putting unrealistic expectations on what we know is imperfect.  Then give reverence to the all mighty God who is the ultimate definition of Love.  He is really the only one qualified to satisfy those voids we try desperately to fill in our hearts.

Is there someone in your life that you are at odds with because they are not loving you as you wish they would?

If so what is your definition of love and is it reasonable?

Can you still find a way to respect and honor that person regardless?

In your answering of these questions, ask God to help you see these people through his eyes and thank him for loving you just as you are; totally  free of limits ; totally free of conditions.