About a month ago, I was challenged to examine myself and why it seems I struggle to retain authentic friendships. The words were spewed upon me critically and harshly with the intent to damage my soul. But, to no avail; I know who I am and whose I am……
Truth is, at 46 years old, I don’t view friendships in the way I use to 10, 20, nor 30 years ago. I accredit this to the process called evolution and a spiritual mind renewal.
Unapologetically, I happen to be a critical thinker, filled with creativity in thoughts and ideas. I prefer to be alone to operate in that space a great deal of the time. It’s a part of my make up. Periodic isolation helps me to be better for others. This makes me who I am comfortably and naturally; introverted.
This loner side of me is the dominant side of my personality but does not define who I am in totality. I certainly don’t loath the presence of people in an intimate and binding way. Like any human being, I need others to survive in healthy yet productive friendships.
As I have matured, I no longer keep people in my personal space based off of longevity and simply just to say I have a friend. If there is no stimulating friction between me and another, I tend to get bored and move on. I’d simply rather not because it feels like wasted time, SOMETIMES. May sound a bit arrogant but this happens to be MY RealBoldTruth!
Again, those words may seem harsh and that’s truly not the intent. You see, I thrive in the environment of like minded people. When I need friendships they must have certain attributes. Those I can learn from, grow with mentally, physically and spiritually. I don’t tolerate anything less very well and notice that I can get turned off when growth, partnering, temptation to slip into old habits or mindless entertainment is in excess.
If a person entered my life two decades ago and still talks the same, still walks the same, still hangs out in the same places, and has not evolved, I begin to distance myself. I admit that at times I don’t start the process in the best of ways. This, I do need to work on so that others can understand my perspective and I don’t leave people wondering and hanging.
Today my circle of friends looks nothing like those I had 10 years ago. I am blessed with some women in my life that I consider true sisters, an attribute I’ve never had and don’t take for granted. I have more friends today than at any other time in my life! We hang out and communicate in unique and non traditional ways but it works for us and compliments our demanding lifestyles.
My friends are sharp, spirit filled and spirit led. One or two are true confidants. They challenge me NOT to stay where I am and to never get comfortable as if I’ve arrived. They call me on my stuff when I don’t want to hear it! They won’t let me drown in my own flaws or self pity and are certainly NOT in competition with me for they too know their value and God-Given worth. They are mentors, motivators, prayer partners, business owners, educators, unique visionaries and so much more. I operate in the same capacity for them in return.
So to my critics that inspired this blog, you are right only in part. I don’t retain friendships with people that keep me stuck, standing still, functioning in old unproductive habits and other attributes that stifle my confidence and growth. I’m too old to just be trying to fit in. I won’t compromise simply to say I have friends for that combination won’t be a lasting match for anyone involved. Evolution is inevitable, seasons change, and so must I.