Tag: Pain

P.R.E.S.S. Into 2019

Another year is quickly fading away. In less than 48 hours, for those blessed to experience the transition, we will be embracing the New with the power and diligence to forsake the old.

For me personally, 2018 has been excessively bittersweet. A great deal of pain, disappointments and unexpected events occurred this year. Yet all accompanied by great opportunities for spiritual growth. I watched God be a healer, provider and reconciler. I often take a moment to reflect on what was in order to prepare for what shall be.

As I share my heart on this final post for the year, I hear in my spirit to make this phrase a purpose filled priority.

P.R.E.S.S.

As a foundational acronym:

Praise & Pray:

Inspite of the experience in hurt, uncertainty, grief, need, lack of direction, illness, rejection and delays.

Rest:

In the arms of your Heavenly Father spiritually and mentally. Allow Him to touch those tender areas that no man can. Don’t forsake your body of the ease it requires to sustain this next chapter of your life. You’re going to need it!

Exercise & Eat Healthy:

Take care of your temple by committing to a consistent regime that promotes prolong life and stamina. This is not optional in order to bring what God has ordained to be reveal to and through you!

Settle:

In your mind that the past is the past! It happened but doesn’t define your future hope by any means necessary! Use these experiences as growth tools knowing that God is STILL for you!

Walk into 2019 with gratitude no matter what your reality looks like naturally. God’s blessed you with more time, another day and another season. It ain’t over yet and the best is still yet to come!

The Error on Page 100

Shhhh, don’t tell anyone, but there’s an error in my book book Angels – The Discovery! I absolutely cringed when it was reveal to me! A body of work that I’ve put an incredible amount of time into is still flawed. I felt like a failure!

I quickly reminisced on the countless days and lengthy nights spent combing through the more than 58,000 word manuscript. I read it over and over again! How could I have missed this? So did my publisher, yet the error was continually overlooked. I initially thought I wasted weeks, months and even years working so tirelessly at this thing. Not to mention the financial investment sacrificed to bring this project to life. I so wanted my debut to the world as a published author to be spot and error free! But like many others before me, that didn’t happen.

That mental beating I put myself through lasted about 24 hours. I had to get over it! The book is here now and still needs to be introduced to the world! God certainly didn’t get me to this point for this is HIS project. I am sure He knew it would be slightly flawed.

But oh how much He can do with flaws! As I launched the book, most readers never detected the error or simply never mentioned it. They were so completely engrossed by the story line and overall content that the minor blemish didn’t take away from the ultimate message. Review after positive review were beginning to pour in further diminishing my over perfectionist thinking. It is good and is finished!

Often times we see the flaws in our lives, character, output and conduct and we magnify them far greater than they need to be. The emphasis should never be made on a slight imperfection but rather the overwhelming beauty of the overall person or matter.

Beneath what we feel is a mistake lies nothing more than intent to show the world what God is capable of achieving. He can do so much with human defects, weaknesses, shortcomings and beyond in order to get Glory that is rightfully His.

I can’t take any credit for the success of this book. Not because of the error on page 100 but the process endured to complete the same. It was all Him from beginning to end. I have faith that this story will impact countless lives, flaws and all!

What faults in your life do you amplify while discounting all that’s truly good and perfect? Stop doing that to yourself and praise your Savior for these imperfections. They serve as purposeful reminders that He can do so much even with these errors present. In fact, our flaws are often intentionally placed at the forefront, exposed for all to see. When success is achieved, we will remain humble and point upward to where our help comes from.

Soulful Sunday – Try Me! (Saith The Lord)

Some people muddle through life in great confusion. Most don’t even know it. Unfortunately, this produces inconsistencies, denial, ill choices, negative outcomes, mental instability and delayed blessings.

When we try living separate and apart from God convincing ourselves that we have control over our circumstances, we rob ourselves and those connected to us from a multitude of favor.

Since God does not affect our “Free Will” and allows us to choose our own way, He patiently awaits for us to go through enough in hopes that ultimately we will Surender to Him!

“Try Me!” Sayeth The Lord

When you can’t figure it out.

When you loose control over your lifestyle.

When you can’t find your way.

When you are down to your last.

When those who were once there suddenly are no longer.

When you are left all alone.

When sickness invades your body.

When poverty threatens your household.

When……(Well, you fill in the blank)

There is nothing in this world more consistent than what God can reveal, promise and deliver.

When you reach that point in your life where no answers can be provided, nothing makes sense and people fail you miserably, ask the Lord what you should do. Listen and His response will most likely be, “Are You Done? Now Try Me!”

Until Next Time, Happy Sunday!

May 2018 – Mental Health Awareness Month

As a overcomer of more than 30 years of depression, the topic of mental illness is especially close to my heart.

I have grown extremely passionate about sharing my story, struggles and strategies on how I’ve been set free from daily mental torment. Those years were very dark, oppressive and crippling times that I often thought I would never break free from.

Many also suffering in silence need to know they are not alone and should not be embarrassed to disclose the condition. Breaking free from the stigma is essential! There is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact acknowledgement is the first step towards healing.

Over 21 million adults in the US and more than 300 million around the world struggle with mental health disorders. Those number are a clear fact that each and every one of us knows a sufferer or may be one ourselves.

There truly is hope and a way to break free; for good! The process is not defined the same for us all. Some may need the support of therapeutic prescriptions. I have tried that as well but to no avail. For me, there was no management or healing in the form of a pill or structured secular counseling. Both seemed to help initially but not long term. More holistic, spiritual, and practical daily applications have been the key to my deliverance.

That process I unapologetically share with those who have tried traditional methods and have not experienced relief. That way is heavily accredited to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The rest was up to me in applying His word, His will, His way.

Over the past 3 years I have written and openly shared my conquest towards healing. During the Month of May 2018, I will be re-sharing those testimonies in visual format on The RealBoldTruth show as well as other inspirations as given to my spirit.

I do hope that you will consider, share, and follow as a way of considering something new or revisiting the powerful healing properties that lie in the Savior.

We will talk about:

Depression

Rejection

Mental torment

Suicide

It’s important to clearly Understand how faith & spiritual warfare play a major role in freedom.

I do hope you’ll join me and I look forward to your comments and feedback.

Blessings!

The Remnants of Rejection

They still linger wooing you back into the deepest pit of despair to have teetering intimacy that tortures and paralyzed your soul.

After revelation, acknowledgement, spirit searching and confessing deliverance, sometimes the emotion of rejection still lingers.

During times of great inconvenience

Feelings of inadequacy

Struggling to find common place in familiar spaces.

Emotional walls you use as shields to barricade your over sensitive mind and still fragile heart. All serve as an avoidance mechanism to prevent the excruciating pain of human dismissal.

You know that:

You matter!

You have something to say!

Great things to offer.

Were Put here for beneficial reasons.

Have a great deal to offer…

But yet the remnants of rejection haunts periodically from:

That boss who overlooks you constantly.

That spouse who once adored you is now taking your presence for granted.

That father who only donated to your existence but walked away from taking part in your development.

That mother who only carries the title but failed miserably to prepare you for life in action, deed and guidance.

That circle of people you’ve tried to fit in with but struggle to consistently feel a sense of acceptance.

That child that now discounts your sacrifices down to mere mediocre obligations.

That organization, network group or ministry that fails to recognize your value by not allowing fresh perspectives to advance the agenda.

It is all evident and really truly hurts.

You live on with deep suppression of it all. Some days not entertaining rejection works but other days it burst on the scene of your feelings like a tidal wave leaving you drowning in great emotional despair.

But God who has delivered often reminds you to stay focused and forge ahead not giving into to the temptations of the accusatory voice. For that is truly what rejection is. A self destructive tactic of the enemy to cease what must manifest in your life.

He (Satan), also knows your value and how powerful you would be if only you find the courage to shut him down completely and permanently!

The facts of how you came to be, who suffered a loss due to not accepting you as a blessing, or who felt it robbery to contribute to your maturity are all significant components directly tied to your life’s purpose.

Be not deceived that your current experience defines your end result. God, in Christ Jesus is more than willing to heal your heart from rejection and beyond. Trust the process by looking to Him and Him alone. Through the Savior, we are never thrown away, never discounted and never left alone.

Soulful Sunday – Wailing In My Wait

There are times when I am not extremely thrilled with God’s timing towards matters in my life. I feel like I’ve been waiting an exceptionally long time for supernatural words to manifest into the natural.

In fact, just this week I had been rather silent in my prayer life; annoyed more so at myself because of how redundant my prayers have been sounding. I was also trying to avoid complaining and speaking the wrong emotional words out into the atmosphere.

I made a choice to be mute until I could adjust my attitude but still walked in the spirit of discontentment.

Fast forward a few days later, I finally opened my mouth to talk with my Savior but I found myself wailing. I released how I was feeling with an ocean of tears, repented for not talking and entertaining the voice of the accuser then gave thanks in praise for hope I still have in His promises.

In life we sometimes will get discouraged as we call out to God for certain situations to change. This is especially true of those that we have been waiting to adjust for a lengthy period of time. Waiting can be exceptionally hard at times and a sense of desperation rises up which can cause our flesh to wail.

God knows and sees it all but truly has things already worked out for our good. We can confirm the same is true by considering if what we seek Him for lines up with His Word and how he delivered us from the last situation we wailed over.

Trying times and challenges we will have always but our God is truly faithful to see us through our circumstances. He’s never failing!

Wailing in our waiting times can be necessary in order to push through with a praise. So release your negative thoughts and energy today in your personal time with God. Then let Him know how grateful you are, how much you still Trust Him and how much you still love Him.

He shall wipe away all of our tears and still has plans for our lives that will certainly come to pass after our wail and our wait.

Until next Time,

Happy Sunday!

Soulful Sunday – Tempted By Sight!

These last days that we live in have proven to be filled with difficult challenges, great disparity and corrupt with incredible immoralities. It is more critical now than ever for the believing heart to remain tied to The Savior.

He is the ONLY thing that remains consistent, unchanged, refreshing and true. Hope, peace, restoration, healing, abundance and so much more are a guarantee in Our Heavenly Father.

But because we live in flesh and face a spiritual enemy that lives to destroy our connection with God, we are sometimes tempted by the things we see.

I consider myself a strong woman of great faith. Yet, a few weeks ago I was challenged in an area that I allowed to affect me and I became tempted by my sight.

My 6 year old son suffered some symptoms that appeared asthmatic in nature. Neither I nor my husband recognized what he was going through initially. It started with a cough, runny nose and sneezing. Surly this was just a common cold for the whether swiftly changed from warm sunny days to brisk chilly mornings filled with dew in the air. The change was sudden and a bit of a shock for everyone.

Several days went by and my son’s symptoms remained. His cough continued and he told me “Mommy, I can’t do the big breath.” Yet I still didn’t get it and kept providing him treatment for a cold.

After a week, he developed a fever and seemed to be using his entire diaphragm to take simple breaths. His heart was racing uncontrollably and clearly he appeared distressed. That’s when I knew something was terribly wrong. As my husband and I took him to the emergency room, we remained for 5 hours and they could not get his symptoms under control. They admitted him to ICU and there he remained for nearly 2 days.

The enemy messing with my baby was overwhelming! To see him on a breathing machine with IVs in his little arm and not being able to feed or hold him affected me in a way nothing ever could. We watched numbers on him monitors rise and fall. Over 24 hours of unstable readings and no clarity on his condition I allowed my emotions to be toyed with.

My son shedding a river of tears due to being weary, hungry and scared were down right torturous to my very soul. I lingered by feeling absolutely helpless and would take his place if only I could.

There were periods throughout this 72 hour ordeal when my eyes indeed fell off my Savior. I was tempted by what my son was enduring and what I was seeing.

Our Heavenly Father commands us to keep our eyes on Him in every situation that we face. Any other action temps us to be ensnared by the enemy’s tactics. We will certainly begin to worry, doubt, become offended, say the wrong things and react with fear. These emotions are contrary to The Word of God.

The longer we keep our eyes on our circumstances, the longer it takes to be delivered from them all. No one purposely wants to prolong pain so the quicker we adjust our perspectives spiritually, we allow our Savior to go to work on our behalf.

I eventually recognized that the attack on my son was to get me questioning God’s power in my life. I shut him down by putting out a call to some warriors that I knew would stand in the gap with consistent prayer.

Within hours my son began to recover. He was discharged and returned to his normal self within days.

Are you facing a situation today that you keep looking at with your natural eye? If so quickly adjust your understanding and trust God! He is not taking too long neither is He ignoring your cry. This mentality is yet another trick of the enemy to keep you in emotional bondage with what you face.

Fight him by aligning back in faith quickly! You may not be able to do this alone so do what you must to regain your peace, your trust, your prosperity, your sanity and your future. This thing WILL turn around for your good when you no longer allow the enemy to tempt you by sight!

Until Next Time, Happy Sunday!

Soulful Sunday – No Other Way!

I gave my life to Christ at the tender age of 14. At that stage I had experienced some minor challenges in life that felt rather monumental back then. Peer pressures, 1st heart break, fleeting friendships and academic problems. At that time, those issues seemed rather detrimental but then life REALLY began to hit!

As a teenager transitioning into a young adult, I wavered away from my faith quiet a bit. I began to stumble through life; desperately trying to discover who I am, what’s my purpose and where do I truly belong. During times of great frustration in many failed attempts at trying to figure it all out, I would deviate spiritually. Doing my own thing seemed more simple, less pressure, and indeed much easier. That never lasted long! Ultimately, I would return asking myself why do things that are not so pleasing to my Savior feel so darn good? At least initially they did; until I found myself in deep rooted trouble, despair, guilt and shame!

Today as a woman in my 40’s, I no longer suffer with roller coaster of emotions wondering where I belong. I’ve made up in my mind that I am a child of The Most High God and in Him I shall remain.

I’ll spend the rest of my days crucifying my flesh in order to magnify His Name. I’ll forsake the opinion of others and consider only what my Savior says of me. Most other opinions that did not line up with the Word of God have consistently failed me anyway. To this day, God has never!

I’ll speak of His goodness, praise His name and share my testimonies in RealBoldTruth unapologetically! He has been too good to me to live any other way! I’ll allow Him to develop my gifts then use them to win more to the body of Christ, for this is what’s required of me.

I’ve spent enough time on both sides of faith to effectively analyze which life is more beneficial for me. I’m fully persuaded these days to live no other way but in my Heavenly Father.

All else is darkness, confusion, trouble, pain, compromise, wayward thinking, Luke warm, non prosperous, curse inducing and Destiny forsaken.

I’ve lived enough years in all of the above and now consistently want all that God has for me. There truly is no other way!

That may mean I’ll spend the rest of my days fighting my sinful flesh and commanding it to line up with God’s will! It may be difficult but I no longer desire the easy way out! That’s cowardly and will lead to nothing else but what I’ve truly been delivered from. RealBoldTruth!

There’s no turning back for freedom I’ve experienced in Christ in my mind, in my body, in my spirit. That freedom is now evident in my family, in my ministry and everything that God allows me to touch! I can’t turn back now! There’s so much more and I’m finally excited about my life!

When you sit back and consider where you came from and where you are today, are you too convinced that you can’t live no other way but for God?

What stark differences do you see?

What’s your experience and how have those around you changed toward and around you as a result?

The benefits of living my life as a Believer in the Gospel of Jesus Christ has not and will not fail me. It’s the only constant that I’ve ever known. For that reason alone, there’s no other way!

Until next time, Happy Sunday!

Soulful Sunday: What’s REALLY Holding You Back?

As weeks create months and months turn into years, decades are formed and reality becomes evident. We are aging and are often faced with “THE” question directly or indirectly; Are we making the most out of the life we have left?

This thought feels irrelevant in our adolescent years when we feel invincible for it appears that there is plenty of time to think on these things later; much later…

Then one day we wake up, look in the mirror and 40, 50, 60,70 and beyond are upon us. Our stark reality is where did the time go and are we living a purposed filled life? You know, the one that God has called us to before we were ever in existence.

If you can say without hesitation that you spend your days doing the thing God put you on this earth for, I certainly commend you! However, if that’s NOT you and you are in those age categories I mentioned above, What’s Holding You Back?

The level of true purpose I am alluding to has nothing to do with that job you slave at every day to earn a living. You can confirm that this statement is true if you feel that something is missing and deep inside, you’re unfulfilled. I’m talking about your primary reason for being. You gift, your talent, that business idea, that ministry, that book, that masterpiece that only YOU can deliver and birth to the world. 

It’s that thing you have been seeing repetitively in visions or dreams. That idea that gives you chills when you ponder on it but quickly dismiss with a plethora of old and tired excuses..

That hurt

That shame

That lack of confidence 

That comparison to others

That envy of your Brother

That previous failure

That finger pointing and blaming

That lack of Faith in your Lord and Savior 

For many reading this, What’s REALLY holding you back from embracing your destiny is directly connected to a matter you have not officially dealt with in your past. If you don’t face it, you will end up like countless others; leaving this earth and taking what should have been shared with the world with you. Now that’s really selfish! RealBoldTruth!

I recently had to deal with an extremely painful area of my life that I have been suppressing for several decades. I really thought I had it under control especially as of lates. I’ve discovered who I am in Christ, learned how to look to Him and trust Him more, have been in constant fellowship to assure I don’t go back to old ways of thinking and I’ve been serving and giving faithfully in ministry. Yet this soul striping thing keeps coming up and I grew sick of it! I couldn’t put my finger on why I’m still struggling with something that should be so old but knew it was the source of what has been holding me back from all God truly has for me.

I was recently put in a setting and was given the option to become vulnerable and transparent about this thing and my flesh felt reservations. However my spirit prevailed by telling me it’s now or never!

I ultimately shared a very private battle with the most unlikely person and found out she had struggled with the very same thing! I was in complete shock for she seemed to have it all together. She gave me a name for “my thing” and it’s called “Rejection ” she shared with me some tools and specific word that I started using right away and a release I experienced almost instantly!

Initially I was so very uncomfortable being this exposed but it has been way past time to “Tell The Truth and Shame The Devil!” I want my freedom more than my security of holding on to this dead stinky thing that clearly robs me of so many possibilities!

I challenge you today to think on these things. What have you NOT faced, NOT confessed, NOT healed from, buried alive kicking and screaming that will NOT die? It’s the very thing that is stopping you from spending more energy cultivating you “Gift” than dwelling on what won’t change. 

God has so much more for you but you’ll never experience the totality of His blessings if you don’t give this thing up! Stop lying, to yourself, and listening to the voice of the enemy more than the voice of the Lord! 

Do it NOW, before YOU and IT simply become a memory.

Until Next Time, Happy Sunday!

Soulful Sunday – True Redemption 

It still hurts when I consider it. In fact, I’m still not over it. It’s been easier said than done. No matter how much word, encouragement or affirmation I receive, there is still a sting that remains.


To this day and on occasion, I am haunted and offended by the way I was ill regarded. It’s been over a year since the initial offense and yet I find myself still questioning my abilities, intellect and competence. My ego was left mangled, scarred and completely crushed. I did nothing to deserve that….

The matter has left me looking at a future that feels so uncertain for I thought I was on my way. I’ve secretly been on a mission to redeem myself, someway and somehow. Trying to get up the courage to try at that level again. The need for redemption burns deep within. I want to prove it to myself for I believe I deserve it but have reservations…..

Has life ever dealt you a set of circumstances that you never saw coming and didn’t deserve at the very least? I am sure this happens to everyone, but often the thought of how common these offenses are provides very little comfort. This is even more true when a great deal of time has passed and you haven’t recovered or experienced change. I want to be redeemed.

My greatest truth in this matter is that I am truly weary with trying to conjure up my own way. Those efforts are not going to work. I’m mature enough in the Gospel to understand this as fact. I also had to check myself if whether I want things or approval of man more than I want The Lord. 


I want and need HIM above all else. His process of redemption is truth. 

Eventually…
He shall set my feet on high places. (Psalms 18:33)

He will prepare a plate before my enemies. (Psalms 23:5)

He is my true deliverer.  (Psalms 18:2)

My stolen years will eventually be restored. (Joel 2:25)


This day I repent publicly to my Heavenly Father for the enemy does not have the last say over that thing or any other thing!
My Lord, My Daddy, my Abba Father, my refuge, my strength, my everything shall redeem me as I desire more of Him first!

My priorities are in check now. I have no other choice but to wait on The Lord!

Until Next Time, Happy Sunday!