Tag: Discouraged

The Remnants of Rejection

They still linger wooing you back into the deepest pit of despair to have teetering intimacy that tortures and paralyzed your soul.

After revelation, acknowledgement, spirit searching and confessing deliverance, sometimes the emotion of rejection still lingers.

During times of great inconvenience

Feelings of inadequacy

Struggling to find common place in familiar spaces.

Emotional walls you use as shields to barricade your over sensitive mind and still fragile heart. All serve as an avoidance mechanism to prevent the excruciating pain of human dismissal.

You know that:

You matter!

You have something to say!

Great things to offer.

Were Put here for beneficial reasons.

Have a great deal to offer…

But yet the remnants of rejection haunts periodically from:

That boss who overlooks you constantly.

That spouse who once adored you is now taking your presence for granted.

That father who only donated to your existence but walked away from taking part in your development.

That mother who only carries the title but failed miserably to prepare you for life in action, deed and guidance.

That circle of people you’ve tried to fit in with but struggle to consistently feel a sense of acceptance.

That child that now discounts your sacrifices down to mere mediocre obligations.

That organization, network group or ministry that fails to recognize your value by not allowing fresh perspectives to advance the agenda.

It is all evident and really truly hurts.

You live on with deep suppression of it all. Some days not entertaining rejection works but other days it burst on the scene of your feelings like a tidal wave leaving you drowning in great emotional despair.

But God who has delivered often reminds you to stay focused and forge ahead not giving into to the temptations of the accusatory voice. For that is truly what rejection is. A self destructive tactic of the enemy to cease what must manifest in your life.

He (Satan), also knows your value and how powerful you would be if only you find the courage to shut him down completely and permanently!

The facts of how you came to be, who suffered a loss due to not accepting you as a blessing, or who felt it robbery to contribute to your maturity are all significant components directly tied to your life’s purpose.

Be not deceived that your current experience defines your end result. God, in Christ Jesus is more than willing to heal your heart from rejection and beyond. Trust the process by looking to Him and Him alone. Through the Savior, we are never thrown away, never discounted and never left alone.

Soulful Sunday – The Underdog

I have resided in the small state of Delaware for the past 12 years however, I migrated to this tiny wonder from the City of Brotherly Love. A Philly girl I am through and through! Born, raised and still retain traits that the town still pulses through my veins!

Although not a true fan of football, this past week I certainly spilled over with hometown delight for the EAGLES as they soared to victory and finally won the super bowl! The feeling was undeniable as I cheered, shouted and nearly came close to tears amongst the company of family, friends and other loved ones. It was just over the top amazing! I felt extremely blessed to have lived to see such a history making moment with this team that people have consistently labeled “The UnderDog”!

“They”re not going to win”, many predicted.

“They’ve gotten to this point before and blew it”, others taunted…

“See, they let them come back in the 4th quarter. They’re going to lose again” were the overwhelming premature words of this team’s doubters.

But in the end, the EAGLES pulled together as a cohesive unit, strategized with precision, put their faith in God and ultimately prevailed!

During this journey on my way to becoming a successful author, I can relate to the sentiments and stigma of being an underdog.

All the odds appear against me. No one before me has accomplished anything so big. The competition is massive making me appear like a tadpole swimming in an ocean full of privileged sharks. Yet I have to remain in the fight, give my dreams a chance and believe in the gifts that have only come from my savior.

This means pushing through the negative murmuring in my head. Ignoring the many critical stares. Discounting the lack of supportive and authentic acknowledgements from those I thought would naturally be there.

The course can sometimes be excruciating, but just like the EAGLES, I prevail daily as I refocus my eye on the Lord. I know I’m in the 4th quarter of my journey and I too will bring home the prize.

Do you feel like an underdog today?

Know that the emotion comes with the territory for those called to do extraordinary things!

You can’t turn back or give up now for close you certainly are.

No matter how things appear, we have the greater one on our side and that’s all we’ll ever need! He doesn’t lie and can never fail! We will succeed!

So join me and pull your emotions together by gearing up! Huddle with your true supporters to reignite your enthusiasm! Get in formation at the line of scrimmage looking your opponents dead in the eye! Hike your ball and execute the play as planned! Shoot for your own personal touchdown and win this game! Your trophy, ring and parade certainly awaits. It’s time for the “Underdog” in you to triumph!

Until next Time,

Happy Sunday!

Soulful Sunday – Wailing In My Wait

There are times when I am not extremely thrilled with God’s timing towards matters in my life. I feel like I’ve been waiting an exceptionally long time for supernatural words to manifest into the natural.

In fact, just this week I had been rather silent in my prayer life; annoyed more so at myself because of how redundant my prayers have been sounding. I was also trying to avoid complaining and speaking the wrong emotional words out into the atmosphere.

I made a choice to be mute until I could adjust my attitude but still walked in the spirit of discontentment.

Fast forward a few days later, I finally opened my mouth to talk with my Savior but I found myself wailing. I released how I was feeling with an ocean of tears, repented for not talking and entertaining the voice of the accuser then gave thanks in praise for hope I still have in His promises.

In life we sometimes will get discouraged as we call out to God for certain situations to change. This is especially true of those that we have been waiting to adjust for a lengthy period of time. Waiting can be exceptionally hard at times and a sense of desperation rises up which can cause our flesh to wail.

God knows and sees it all but truly has things already worked out for our good. We can confirm the same is true by considering if what we seek Him for lines up with His Word and how he delivered us from the last situation we wailed over.

Trying times and challenges we will have always but our God is truly faithful to see us through our circumstances. He’s never failing!

Wailing in our waiting times can be necessary in order to push through with a praise. So release your negative thoughts and energy today in your personal time with God. Then let Him know how grateful you are, how much you still Trust Him and how much you still love Him.

He shall wipe away all of our tears and still has plans for our lives that will certainly come to pass after our wail and our wait.

Until next Time,

Happy Sunday!

Soulful Sunday – Condemnation & Conviction- The Difference

Since we all live in flesh, that fact alone guarantees that each one of us will make decisions and do things contrary to the word of God. It’s just human nature and practically unavoidable at times.

As we grow spiritually, we do get stronger at avoiding the traps of temptation, but we all will still fall short periodically. During this process, others will judge our lives, question our salvation, and criticize our character. Unfortunately, this too comes with the territory and takes a daily spiritual fight to advance in our Christ-like positions.

As we journey, it’s critical to assure we are not handling the mistakes we will sometimes make using the wrong tactics and state-of-mind.

Sometimes, believers can confuse operating in condemnation vs. conviction. There are stark differences between the two that we must keep in the front of our minds.

When we condemn ourselves after making a mistake, we have issued a personal charge to an extended period of mental punishment, blame and rebuke. Condemnation is a tactic from the enemy to make us feel bad indefinitely, walk In unforgiveness towards ourselves and try to make us feel like we are no longer worthy of all that God has for us.

Conviction is rather a gentle “Check” in our spirits from The Lord to aid us in not finding comfort in behavior that doesn’t reflect His Character. We should never beat ourselves up at this nudge but rather take note and work at making corrections in our conduct so that we can continue to grow in Him.

Are you downcast today because of something you did or said to another?

Are you torturing yourself mentally and not feeling deserving of God’s love?

Are you allowing the slurs of others who witnessed what you did wrong to stop your hand and heart from praising our Savior?

Let me encourage you today to know that you’re not the only one! I know what occurred felt unfixable but that’s a lie from Hell and a way to keep you from the comfort of God’s arms. His grace and His mercy are still for you! Stop mentally bashing yourself with condemnation but rather accept the conviction and move on with God! He’s still and always will be for you! That settles it!

Until Next Time,

Happy Sunday

Soulful Sunday – P.P.P.

This weekend, I had a wonderful opportunity to minister on a panel of three women at an annual empowerment conference. The theme of the event was entitled “Its Time To GIFT Yourself Away!”

As a believer, when that statement is pondered on alone, it’s nothing short of deeply powerful and thought provoking!

I was commissioned to facilitate the panel discussion that had an audience of nearly 150 attendees. It was also being audio recorded. I was simply honored to do this for a ministry that has completely changed my life. I give credit for my maturing experience spiritually to this platform fully equipped with a visionary and leader of great integrity!

As I prepared for the conference, I sought the Lord for instruction on what He would have me and the ladies share with the people. We had to elaborate on how each one of us have been able to step into and operate in “The Gifts” that God put in us.

I’ve been blessed over the past 3 years to identify my natural born gift as a writer. Then God filled my life with mentors who have pulled associated talents out of me that I didn’t know were there! Speaking, internet radio, television and becoming a columnist for a Christian Magazine. Within the next few months I will finally be able to add published author to these accolades. It’s all for the glory of God and nothing I saw coming my way just a few short years ago.

Personally, operating effectively in “The Gifts” was a process I call The PPP – Painful Purposeful Purging. Had I not challenged myself to stay the course through my PPP, I certainly would not be doing what I’m doing today!

I want to share what has been involved in PPP for me as I have experienced it. Prior to discovering my gifts, I was a woman full of low self regard, a sufferer of chronic depression for nearly 30 years, a person easily intimidated by others who I thought were stronger than me and didn’t value my life for I had no clue who I was or aspired to be.

When I became affiliated with The DOE Ministry, I instantly discovered that I was at a spiritual crossroad. The ministry demanded in love that all attendees rise and take their rightful position in the body of Christ.

As I looked around at the other women there, the enemy tried to make me feel that I didn’t belong, that I wasn’t good enough, that I would never be as effective in ministry as the others, and a whole host of other lies.

I would either return to my comfort zone of despaired isolation or stay the course and go through A Painful Purposeful Purging. This meant, in a nutshell facing ME! Looking myself in the mirror and deal with my damage! I had to visit some very difficult areas from my past that I had stuffed and suppressed. It hurt like nothing ever has but I could not fathom another 30 years of what I had already endured! There HAD to be more!

Like a boxer in a ring, I decided to roll up my spiritual sleeves, put on my gloves and fight for my life! My opponent, an invisible enemy was clearly trying to take me out! The battle was with no one else but myself!

Committed to being Uncomfortable

Being an introvert and not feeling comfortable around people due to deep trust issue, I had to fight my flesh that wanted to flee every circumstance and environment that would force me to grow up and address my weaknesses. I forced myself to show up consistently and stay to the end. This was so painful in the beginning for I would leave with tremendous headaches at times but felt pride that I conquered something that has had me in bondage for years. The more I showed up, the less uncomfortable I became.

Cleansing My Soul

As comfort came, I was now able to address finding out who I am in Christ.

I began to control my thoughts and renew my mind.

I had to forgive and stop blaming others for my circumstances.

I stopped looking back at my past failures and successes and began looking forward to a future with possibilities!

Most importantly, I started understanding the Spirit of Adoption to deal with my rooted issues of rejection.

My PPP has taken 4 years and is still being refined. I have scaled away layers upon layers of mental mess that has kept me crippled in the Spirt. What is now exposed are my “Gifts” that I can flow in more freely due to heavy weights being lifted. I won in Christ with a major T.K.O.!

For someone reading this, you MUST go through your own person PPP. It will NOT be easy and does not happen overnight. However if you fight hard and long enough, a life is waiting for you filled with abundance! There are also others who desperately need what God put in you!

While you still have time, life and chances, gear up for the purge and start to Gift Yourself Away.

Until next Time, Happy Sunday

Soulful Sunday: What’s REALLY Holding You Back?

As weeks create months and months turn into years, decades are formed and reality becomes evident. We are aging and are often faced with “THE” question directly or indirectly; Are we making the most out of the life we have left?

This thought feels irrelevant in our adolescent years when we feel invincible for it appears that there is plenty of time to think on these things later; much later…

Then one day we wake up, look in the mirror and 40, 50, 60,70 and beyond are upon us. Our stark reality is where did the time go and are we living a purposed filled life? You know, the one that God has called us to before we were ever in existence.

If you can say without hesitation that you spend your days doing the thing God put you on this earth for, I certainly commend you! However, if that’s NOT you and you are in those age categories I mentioned above, What’s Holding You Back?

The level of true purpose I am alluding to has nothing to do with that job you slave at every day to earn a living. You can confirm that this statement is true if you feel that something is missing and deep inside, you’re unfulfilled. I’m talking about your primary reason for being. You gift, your talent, that business idea, that ministry, that book, that masterpiece that only YOU can deliver and birth to the world. 

It’s that thing you have been seeing repetitively in visions or dreams. That idea that gives you chills when you ponder on it but quickly dismiss with a plethora of old and tired excuses..

That hurt

That shame

That lack of confidence 

That comparison to others

That envy of your Brother

That previous failure

That finger pointing and blaming

That lack of Faith in your Lord and Savior 

For many reading this, What’s REALLY holding you back from embracing your destiny is directly connected to a matter you have not officially dealt with in your past. If you don’t face it, you will end up like countless others; leaving this earth and taking what should have been shared with the world with you. Now that’s really selfish! RealBoldTruth!

I recently had to deal with an extremely painful area of my life that I have been suppressing for several decades. I really thought I had it under control especially as of lates. I’ve discovered who I am in Christ, learned how to look to Him and trust Him more, have been in constant fellowship to assure I don’t go back to old ways of thinking and I’ve been serving and giving faithfully in ministry. Yet this soul striping thing keeps coming up and I grew sick of it! I couldn’t put my finger on why I’m still struggling with something that should be so old but knew it was the source of what has been holding me back from all God truly has for me.

I was recently put in a setting and was given the option to become vulnerable and transparent about this thing and my flesh felt reservations. However my spirit prevailed by telling me it’s now or never!

I ultimately shared a very private battle with the most unlikely person and found out she had struggled with the very same thing! I was in complete shock for she seemed to have it all together. She gave me a name for “my thing” and it’s called “Rejection ” she shared with me some tools and specific word that I started using right away and a release I experienced almost instantly!

Initially I was so very uncomfortable being this exposed but it has been way past time to “Tell The Truth and Shame The Devil!” I want my freedom more than my security of holding on to this dead stinky thing that clearly robs me of so many possibilities!

I challenge you today to think on these things. What have you NOT faced, NOT confessed, NOT healed from, buried alive kicking and screaming that will NOT die? It’s the very thing that is stopping you from spending more energy cultivating you “Gift” than dwelling on what won’t change. 

God has so much more for you but you’ll never experience the totality of His blessings if you don’t give this thing up! Stop lying, to yourself, and listening to the voice of the enemy more than the voice of the Lord! 

Do it NOW, before YOU and IT simply become a memory.

Until Next Time, Happy Sunday!

Putting on Game Face!

Nearly 8 years ago I was working a part time job as a Health Claims Instructor. I had 18 students in my class and they were more of my life than I initially revealed.

I was going through straight hell and they were the ONLY bright spot in my life at that time. They gave me reason to keep going when I truly wanted to simply lay down and die. I was going through a difficult divorce, got terrible news from the doctor about a chronic medical illness, I lost my house, my finances were in complete shambles, nearly every friend I had at the time walked away and my church family did not provide the support I thought should have been automatic. Depression was deep and I had no reason to want to live less my girls!

As expected, during tough times throughout the program, some would show signs of growing weary by the challenge of working by day, going to school by night and all of life’s demands in between. To add insult to the already injured, The curriculum at this vocational career school was also far from stellar! We all began to discover this fact together mid way throughout our studies. They were beyond offended and I for them as well! Never-the-less, I vowed to stay committed until the end and give them all the knowledge I had obtained in the industry over the years for optimum success.

At times they didn’t understand and I couldn’t let them see that I was silently screaming their same sentiments as I found myself counseling them one-on-one. I couldn’t let them know I was dying inside and commissioned myself to stay strong for their benefit. I lost one or two through out that journey, but those that stayed the course I offered a consistent perspective.

Put on your “Game Face!” I would often encourage. Meaning life is indeed difficult and certainly won’t be easy as you attempt to make positive changes. Even when you are given a raw deal that can’t be changed or you can’t get out of, you must exercise “The Game Face” mentality.  

It’s not always appropriate to wear your emotions on your sleeves all the time or show those around you that you are going through. It’s necessary sometimes in life to endure publicly with the best of attitudes even if that means breaking down to release how you really feel privately just for a time. This builds character, strength, and resilience which are essential characteristic traits valuable in both the corporate world and beyond. 

For Christians, “Game Face” also means it’s time to fight! No I don’t like the circumstances and even question my abilities and the outcome, but no devil is going to knock me out this race!! I’m going to be victorious despite of what it looks like! I’ll position myself and act like a winner even before the victory naturally manifests! 

As it relates to my students, I sustained my personal “Game Face” my entire time with them. It wasn’t until their last official day of class that I opened up about why I stressed operating in the principle. My transparency shocked them for they never knew I was sacrificing how I really felt for their success. As we literally cried together and said our goodbyes on graduation day, I knew these women made an everlasting impact on my life that I will never forget. Even as I penn these words tears fill my eyes. As I was helping them, they were indeed sustaining me!

Me and a few of my precious graduates!

Have you ever had to put on “Game Face” as you endured a complicated life matter?

How did you make it through that period?

Did God show you the lesson that had to be learned during that time?

Maybe you are going through something now and need to put on “Game Face”. It may indeed be difficult but there is victory at the end of the challenge if you don’t give up.

Not On My Watch

 

The text message both shocked and disturbed me. Not only its content but the person it came from. As I sat at a stop signal after picking up my son from daycare, my phone lit up. I found myself staring at these words “. I would like to speak to you in person or on the phone. It’s about suicide….” For just a moment, I became mentally paralyzed by what I was reading. Initially I didn’t hear my child calling my name to turn on his favorite song nor did I know what color the stop light was now reading. The extended sound of multiple car horns began to ring out in symphony. I had obviously annoyed people behind me because the light was indeed green when I looked up. I returned to existence by throwing my cell phone into the passenger seat, hit the gas pedal forward and reached for the radio dial. I must remain calm….

For the remainder of my ride home I thought about the person whom I’d received the message from. I know her, but I don’t. She hasn’t let me in over the years; and I have tried. I’d taken an interest in wanting to get to know her better for she is a reflection of me 20 years ago. Young, beautiful, intelligent yet awkward, severely misplaced and constantly misunderstood….

As soon as I reached my house and got my son a snack I called this young woman. I reached her voice mail so I left a message. I received this calm and peace that she was physically fine but desperately needed my ear. It was God assuring me not to let my mind run off with the unthinkable simply because she didn’t answer my call. Is she thinking about taking her own life? Is she even capable of such an act? Had life really gotten that bad that she feels this is her only resort? These questions echoed in my mind for the next 2 hour as I got my son settled and handled other routine domestic duties.

By the end of the night my energy level was nearly depleted but I was not going to let the dawn arrive before talking to her. I found a quiet place to have my conversation without forewarning anyone of the situation. This was a precious, private and personal matter that warranted no other intervention but the moving power of the most high.

When I dialed her number she answered on the first couple of rings. After a few minutes of small talk I got right to the matter. What do you have to ask me about suicide? Over the next hour the space I was trying to get to with this young person was made available. She shared with me her deepest pain. Very heavy, very complex very rooted. In her mind permanent rest seemed like her only escape because life just is not getting any better.

I allowed her to spill every account without interruption. For it was evident that she needed it. What she didn’t know, so did I. When I had the chance to speak I shared with her my own painful past which connected the dots she has been having trouble understanding; we have so much in common and are a lot alike. The phone call ended by leading her to the only source that can help her with this battle in her mind; Jesus Christ, The Great I Am. God led me to turn the conversation into a prayer line and that I did. I plead his protection, power and healing all over her life. For she can’t see it now but she’s living her testimony that she must share with others who will soon be facing her same mind set. I urged her to find a reason everyday to keep on going. She is chosen regardless of how displaced she may feel.

After we hung up I texted her a phone number to seek Christian Counseling. Therapy is necessary for the matters she is facing are years in the making and she continues to add weight to those burdens as she experiences new ones. The pressure is becoming to heavy to keep concealed and handle alone.

I learned a couple of lessons after this encounter. One of them confirmed to me that the experienced must help the less than. Maintaining tunnel vision is selfish especially as believers. Our lives are meant to be lived to help others and not just focus on our own agendas. The Movie “War Room”, a Christian film on how to really fight life’s difficulties shows an awesome example of an older woman purposed to help a younger woman. In fact she prayed for the opportunity and for God to send her a specific person. God did just that! When her work was done the Sr. Challenged the Jr. to pay it forward and find someone younger than her to help in the same way. We need more of this for sure today.

The topic of suicide is taboo in our society. We don’t openly speak of it until someone has actually acted out. If you dare mention that you have had the thought you are labeled as weak or suffering from mental illness. I don’t feel that is 100% accurate. I feel it takes an extremely strong and brave person to admit they have been or in fact are there! Life is extremely difficult and when being pressed on every side, waking up and facing the pressures all over again can be more than a challenge. Even The character Job in the bible wished his life to be over when he lost everything that meant anything to him.

Can you admit that you have been where my young friend is? Well I have! If it had not been for the Gospel, I truly would not be here! This is REAL TALK!

If you or someone you know feels like Suicide is the answer, please understand that the difficulties you face are so much bigger than what you can fathom. Your life is about the Will of God and not your own. What you are facing now is your pain to your life’s purpose. You must live it and unfortunately can’t fast forward this part. But stick around to see the goodness of God show himself strong in your life. While you wait, pray, get counseling, find someone who can relate to help pull you through. You will survive this no matter how hard it seems!
As for my friend, I’m committed to being there for her and check in often. I have and I will. She must live and not die, at least not on my watch..

When its time to Let Go

Letting-Go-Quotes-28

Have you ever remained in a toxic relationship because you felt you had to? You knew it was unhealthy.  All the signs were there.  In fact, nearly every time you were in the presence of  a certain person confirmation constantly warned you.  You knew it was unhealthy and more than likely would never improve.  However, the expectations of others coupled by your own guilt and people pleasing ways, you continue to endure.  The hurt, backstabbing, selfishness, conditional love, inconsistencies and lack of give and take; you accept it all, every time. Its all you have ever done and all you have ever known.   You are the only one in the relationship truly trying and all for the sake of what’s expected.  It’s a very heavy facade to bear long term.  Exposed you appear strong, handling it well, smile and laugh on cue because others are certainly watching and judging.  But behind closed doors you cry, ache, pray and long for change.  For waiting for change is easier than considering the inevitable…Letting go.

I think we all experience situations like this at some point in our lives.  Seasonal people come and go whether we release them or they walk away on their own.  Accepting the process is easier with some people than others.  Sometimes we recognize right away the unnecessary chaos a person is causing in our lives.  The “Good Byes and Good Riddance” comes effortlessly.  But what if this painful situation involves a loved one.  A person you are connected to by D.N.A. 1st line blood born relation.  What do you do then?

I have had to withstand this unfortunately a few times in my life. Not because I wanted to but because I had to.  One situation involved my biological father.  A man who walked out of my life as a toddler and remained excessively inconsistent for years.  Out of my desperation of wanting to be “Daddy’s Little Girl” I chased after him in an effort to win his approval, affection and adoration.  This failed pursuit lasted for nearly two decades.  If I did not chase he would not bother.  His words said that he loved me but his actions more than proved otherwise.  Letting go was not easy by far.  I was going to make him love and treat me the way I thought I deserved as his daughter.  That was my will and far from his.  After much hurt, countless tears, severe rejection and lack of support I finally let go.  It wasn’t until my heart lined up with my spirit that peace in the decision took over me. Today, its been nearly 4 years and I continue to experience a calm with this matter that has been priceless.  It is well with my soul for I am certain that I have done all I can. This type of serenity I only wish I had awarded myself in half the time versus 20 years.  But feeling obligated by the urging of others (But That’s Your Father!) and the little wounded girl within me still longing for his approval, I suffered longer than I ever had to.  I pray and wish nothing but the best for my Father, for he has missed out on the ultimate prize; the evolution of ME:-)

Unhealthy relationships can tear down the human spirit and cause one to lose focus on God’s infinite purpose for their life. Along the way depression, self loathing and a crushed esteem can be the ultimate result of staying in unprofitable relationships long term.  We get so stuck on a person’s title in our lives that we feel that we can do nothing but actively deal with it.  Just because someone is your Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Aunt, Uncle or Cousin gives them no right to wreck havoc in your life.  If these people are not working with you to improve the relationship in a give and take fashion a decision needs to be made to let them go.

The only obligation you have is towards yourself.  If you don’t take care of you certainly no one else will.  That’s a stark and painful reality when you consider family members for it is not politically correct to sever a relationship with certain people.  Right? Well I’m no politician by far and dare to go against the grain!

If a person continues to cause you pain, let them go!  if they are not working towards improving themselves or acknowledge their wrong doing in the relationship, let them go!  If they have continuously shown that they are envious, spiteful, un-supportive, critical  and simply don’t have your best interest at heart, LET THEM GO!  This may be scary but depending on the person, this may not be permanent.  Once they see how far away they have pushed you, they may come back around.  But in your letting go, have no expectations for this will only lead to more of a broken heart.

If you are reading this, can relate and are considering a situation like this in your life, ask yourself “What am I truly holding on to?” As painful as it may be, loosen up your grips, close your eyes, open your hands and let go.  Without guilt, without regret, without fear, heal and be free…..

“At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life” – Sandi Lynn

Being Mad At God

Mad at God

While checking the activity of one of my social media accounts, I saw an interesting post that stopped me in my tracks.  It solicited responses to a very simple but thought provoking question. It read, “If you had the opportunity to talk to one person who is no longer on this earth, who would that be and what would you say to them?”  This poll obviously caught the attention of many for there were countless replies to the common thread.  The evident was noted as people wrote out their desires to see, touch and feel loved ones who had pass away.  Mothers, fathers, spouses, friends, children and others were a mutual theme.  Yet as I considered the remarks of numerous strangers to this question, I also noted another trendy response.  Many wished they had the change to talk face-to-face with the Heavenly Father and ask him countless “Why” questions.  Why so much poverty?; Why the premature death?; Why did this thing not work out when I tried my best?; Why did you allow the enemy to win in this situation?; WHERE ARE YOU? These common pleas confirmed in my spirit that there are a lot of people Mad at God.

As a believer, I can relate to these sentiments and have no problem admitting so.  Many of us will not.  Giving off the ongoing façade that they remain in the glory, ever believing, faithful and trusting at all times is perceived as the right thing to do as a mature Christian.  Personally I think this mindset is a completely deceiving testament to those who struggle to understand how God operates in our lives.  If we are not REAL about our experiences, (while we are going through them, and not just after the deliverance), we silently give off a false perception about this walk. Who is that really helping?

I am a realist and a very practical thinker.  As a believer, I see strengths and flaws in these personality traits, but they are who I am none-the-less (And God knows this already for I am his child).  As I pen these words, I myself am going through my own state of mixed emotions with God.   There are sets of circumstances going on in my life that I am just not happy with and I wonder where he is and what he is doing in the midst of it all.  Not proud to admit but in my times of frustration, I stop communicating with him for I don’t know what to say.  This is especially true during those times when I think I have heard from him so clearly, walked out in what I thought I heard and then it does not work out.  What now? I certainly don’t want to hear a bunch of Christian Cliché’s, for they are not resourceful. I don’t want to be around a bunch of fake believers who are not honest about “The going through” process either. Who needs that!  My relationship with God is very personal and has similar ups and downs to when I am having a challenge with my spouse, a friend a co-worker or other significant relationships.  The only difference is no matter how indifferent I become, I always end up back on my knees apologizing, asking for forgiveness and falling right back into his arms. The truth is, no matter how mad I get, the act of coming back to him shows I still trust him with my life; for there is nothing else I choose to do.

For those today who are disappointed or angry with God, let me encourage you to not stay there long.  Sort out your feelings, have your spiritual temper tantrum then remember that he is the God that has your best interest at hand (Even when it doesn’t seem like it!)  Although we are made in his image, He does not think like us, he does not move like us, and he certainly does not react like us. Thank Goodness! Could you imagine if he did?  I don’t even want to think about it!!

Some may disagree with me, but I believe that its human nature to be mad and disappointed with God at times.  We are with everything else, so why be phony about this factual position?  We are fooling no one especially not HIM! He knows each and every one of us no matter how perfect we try to present ourselves to others.

My best words of advice on this controversial topic is to tell God how you feel.  In your anger, in your tears in your frustration….Be REAL with him!  He already knows anyway but you will feel so much better when you can get it out in the open with HIM first!  After you have “vented” immediately go into the act of asking for forgiveness, thank him, worship him and tell him that in spite of it all, you still trust him.  REALLY, what else are you going to do that makes sense, is profitable and will restore your sense of peace?

There is a song that I listen to when I am feeling this way.  It’s called “Fragile”. Listen to the words and I am sure you will be able to relate to each and every lyric.  God still has our backs no matter how mad we get or how improbable life seems to become.

Tasha Page-Lockhart – Fragile-   https://youtu.be/UGzjeLFCqCI