Tag: hate

Racism-The Great Form of Evil

Like a great deal of my fellow Americans, my heart simply aches over the recent events that have taken place in Charlottesville VA. It’s a national disgrace and I’m struggling to see a United front in and for “We The People”. Leadership has also delivered a stance a day or two late leaving me wondering if the good for us all is truly a non-biased priority.

My personal experience and view points regarding the topic of racism runs painfully deep. I was once grossly affected by the matter especially as a youth.

Like yesterday I can clearly recall walking to elementary school with my cousins and needing to run through several blocks to safety or risk getting jagged edged rocks slammed in the back of my head. I eventually mastered dodging the blows but only after being wounded on multiple occasions. This was a daily sprint and no way around the confrontation generated simply because of the color of my skin.

In middle school, a boy spat in my face and called me an ugly nigger. I tried to chase him down in flip flops but never caught up to him. I was left feeling like dirt on the ground as his warm thick saliva oozed over my eye and down my cheek. To this day, I believe spitting on another human beings is one of the worst forms of insult imaginable.

Not long after that another approached me and asked me to perform a disgraceful sexual act on him. I remember feeling so frightened for it took him repeating it several times before I understood what he was asking. He was seriously vulgar and I was just about 9 years old.

Several more instances happened thereafter which I won’t disclose but I remember developing the learned behavior of prejudice by the time I was in high school. All of my insults came from caucasian males and I grew a racist distaste over the very site of them. I put them all in the same category and couldn’t fathom any good at all. As an extended result, I didn’t socialize, befriend or seek to get to know anyone that didn’t look like me. I made the assumption that any race outside of my own automatically hates me and I them.

By the time I was approaching 20, a life changing event occurred that melted away a very deep form of racist hate that had been growing in my heart for years. I had rededicated my life to Christ after hitting some tough places and moved to a neighborhood where most residents did not match my skin complexion. I was overwhelmed by how I was embraced but still had guards up looking for hidden agendas. The acceptance just couldn’t be true as I considered my previous encounters. 

Not long after that I befriended a beautiful Korean girl who had a Jewish boyfriend with the biggest heart I’d ever met. Truly the sweetest in my life up to that point. I genuinely grew to love them both and was blessed for these friendships. 

I made a point thereafter to not classify everyone simply because of the ignorance of a few. God healed my heart of the deepest form of hate and I purposely sought out opportunities to get to know all kinds of people who were also willing to get to know me.

Today my heart is completely open and longs for diversity in my relationships. I no longer find contentment in surrounding myself with only African Americans. In fact I prefer to worship with a congregation with a healthy mix of all kinds of people. My current church fulfills that beyond description and I have sisterly/brotherly like bonds that far exceed color lines. Our bond is spiritual by the DNA we share through the sacrifice of our common father, Jesus Christ.

It’s a beautiful experience and I would have it no other way. Adding God’s revelation to my adolescent ignorance as I matured showed me the true definition of love. Had I remained stuck on my initial experiences I would have missed out on rapport with some wonderful people. That would have been my loss for certain if I had chosen to remain oblivious.

I pray for our country and won’t give up hope that we can put our racial differences aside, bond together as humans and demonstrate respect instead of hate. Globally, those with a racists agenda are truly the minority and can remain as such if the majority commit to condemn their behavior as completely unacceptable! 

This may not come to pass in my life time but at least I’m living proof that with God’s love, even a powerful stance of racial animosity can be healed and conquered in Him. I’m living proof, He’s able.

Being Mad At God

Mad at God

While checking the activity of one of my social media accounts, I saw an interesting post that stopped me in my tracks.  It solicited responses to a very simple but thought provoking question. It read, “If you had the opportunity to talk to one person who is no longer on this earth, who would that be and what would you say to them?”  This poll obviously caught the attention of many for there were countless replies to the common thread.  The evident was noted as people wrote out their desires to see, touch and feel loved ones who had pass away.  Mothers, fathers, spouses, friends, children and others were a mutual theme.  Yet as I considered the remarks of numerous strangers to this question, I also noted another trendy response.  Many wished they had the change to talk face-to-face with the Heavenly Father and ask him countless “Why” questions.  Why so much poverty?; Why the premature death?; Why did this thing not work out when I tried my best?; Why did you allow the enemy to win in this situation?; WHERE ARE YOU? These common pleas confirmed in my spirit that there are a lot of people Mad at God.

As a believer, I can relate to these sentiments and have no problem admitting so.  Many of us will not.  Giving off the ongoing façade that they remain in the glory, ever believing, faithful and trusting at all times is perceived as the right thing to do as a mature Christian.  Personally I think this mindset is a completely deceiving testament to those who struggle to understand how God operates in our lives.  If we are not REAL about our experiences, (while we are going through them, and not just after the deliverance), we silently give off a false perception about this walk. Who is that really helping?

I am a realist and a very practical thinker.  As a believer, I see strengths and flaws in these personality traits, but they are who I am none-the-less (And God knows this already for I am his child).  As I pen these words, I myself am going through my own state of mixed emotions with God.   There are sets of circumstances going on in my life that I am just not happy with and I wonder where he is and what he is doing in the midst of it all.  Not proud to admit but in my times of frustration, I stop communicating with him for I don’t know what to say.  This is especially true during those times when I think I have heard from him so clearly, walked out in what I thought I heard and then it does not work out.  What now? I certainly don’t want to hear a bunch of Christian Cliché’s, for they are not resourceful. I don’t want to be around a bunch of fake believers who are not honest about “The going through” process either. Who needs that!  My relationship with God is very personal and has similar ups and downs to when I am having a challenge with my spouse, a friend a co-worker or other significant relationships.  The only difference is no matter how indifferent I become, I always end up back on my knees apologizing, asking for forgiveness and falling right back into his arms. The truth is, no matter how mad I get, the act of coming back to him shows I still trust him with my life; for there is nothing else I choose to do.

For those today who are disappointed or angry with God, let me encourage you to not stay there long.  Sort out your feelings, have your spiritual temper tantrum then remember that he is the God that has your best interest at hand (Even when it doesn’t seem like it!)  Although we are made in his image, He does not think like us, he does not move like us, and he certainly does not react like us. Thank Goodness! Could you imagine if he did?  I don’t even want to think about it!!

Some may disagree with me, but I believe that its human nature to be mad and disappointed with God at times.  We are with everything else, so why be phony about this factual position?  We are fooling no one especially not HIM! He knows each and every one of us no matter how perfect we try to present ourselves to others.

My best words of advice on this controversial topic is to tell God how you feel.  In your anger, in your tears in your frustration….Be REAL with him!  He already knows anyway but you will feel so much better when you can get it out in the open with HIM first!  After you have “vented” immediately go into the act of asking for forgiveness, thank him, worship him and tell him that in spite of it all, you still trust him.  REALLY, what else are you going to do that makes sense, is profitable and will restore your sense of peace?

There is a song that I listen to when I am feeling this way.  It’s called “Fragile”. Listen to the words and I am sure you will be able to relate to each and every lyric.  God still has our backs no matter how mad we get or how improbable life seems to become.

Tasha Page-Lockhart – Fragile-   https://youtu.be/UGzjeLFCqCI