Tag: church

Soulful Sunday

Soulful Sunday – No Other Way!

I gave my life to Christ at the tender age of 14. At that stage I had experienced some minor challenges in life that felt rather monumental back then. Peer pressures, 1st heart break, fleeting friendships and academic problems. At that time, those issues seemed rather detrimental but then life REALLY began to hit!

As a teenager transitioning into a young adult, I wavered away from my faith quiet a bit. I began to stumble through life; desperately trying to discover who I am, what’s my purpose and where do I truly belong. During times of great frustration in many failed attempts at trying to figure it all out, I would deviate spiritually. Doing my own thing seemed more simple, less pressure, and indeed much easier. That never lasted long! Ultimately, I would return asking myself why do things that are not so pleasing to my Savior feel so darn good? At least initially they did; until I found myself in deep rooted trouble, despair, guilt and shame!

Today as a woman in my 40’s, I no longer suffer with roller coaster of emotions wondering where I belong. I’ve made up in my mind that I am a child of The Most High God and in Him I shall remain.

I’ll spend the rest of my days crucifying my flesh in order to magnify His Name. I’ll forsake the opinion of others and consider only what my Savior says of me. Most other opinions that did not line up with the Word of God have consistently failed me anyway. To this day, God has never!

I’ll speak of His goodness, praise His name and share my testimonies in RealBoldTruth unapologetically! He has been too good to me to live any other way! I’ll allow Him to develop my gifts then use them to win more to the body of Christ, for this is what’s required of me.

I’ve spent enough time on both sides of faith to effectively analyze which life is more beneficial for me. I’m fully persuaded these days to live no other way but in my Heavenly Father.

All else is darkness, confusion, trouble, pain, compromise, wayward thinking, Luke warm, non prosperous, curse inducing and Destiny forsaken.

I’ve lived enough years in all of the above and now consistently want all that God has for me. There truly is no other way!

That may mean I’ll spend the rest of my days fighting my sinful flesh and commanding it to line up with God’s will! It may be difficult but I no longer desire the easy way out! That’s cowardly and will lead to nothing else but what I’ve truly been delivered from. RealBoldTruth!

There’s no turning back for freedom I’ve experienced in Christ in my mind, in my body, in my spirit. That freedom is now evident in my family, in my ministry and everything that God allows me to touch! I can’t turn back now! There’s so much more and I’m finally excited about my life!

When you sit back and consider where you came from and where you are today, are you too convinced that you can’t live no other way but for God?

What stark differences do you see?

What’s your experience and how have those around you changed toward and around you as a result?

The benefits of living my life as a Believer in the Gospel of Jesus Christ has not and will not fail me. It’s the only constant that I’ve ever known. For that reason alone, there’s no other way!

Until next time, Happy Sunday!

Soulful Sunday

Soulful Sunday – Used By Christ 

She was REALLY loud! Her voice deep, raspy and rambunctious! When I turned to get a better look at this seemingly unruly character, her appearance literally matched the description of her tone!

She was late with a nerve to be disruptive! These were all my initial thoughts and impression of the the stranger that walked into my weekly women’s prayer group. Those in attendance were mostly the regulars. I think we were all taken aback by the presence of this very unique visitor. 
As she signed in talking loudly the entire time, I felt the energy in the room shift in the same direction as my thoughts. What in the world? Who is she? Don’t she know better? Were again some of the extended thoughts obviously formulated by my flesh. 

One of the usual attendees left her seat to try and settle things down. As this unlikely guest took a seat in the back, she continued to make bosturious but Godly responses of Amen’s, Hallalujah’s and Praise God’s at every other statement our Pastor uttered.

It was obvious to me that going at this rate would interrupt the spiritual flow of the meeting. The nuisance may even prevent Pastor from being able to effectively minister. I was growing majorly uncomfortable and increasingly annoyed. Again in my flesh…..

Then, a still small voice said “She is my child, just as you are, comfort her and make her feel welcomed.” 
I knew it was The Lord because I felt resistance deep within. I sat there a few more moments and didn’t move. 

Then a flash back came to my mind. I attended a church over the summer and in the middle of the service a mentally disturbed man came in off the street. He began praising God and cheering on the pastor to preach. The pastor stopped and ordered two ushers to remove the man from the building. I was completely offended by the behavior of the believers! 

Didn’t Jesus minister to the sick, hang around with the unjust, raise the dead and heal the lame? Absolutely! He welcomed them all while religious observers stared, criticized and judged. I couldn’t get the look on the man’s face out of my mind for months thereafter. His look of pain and rejection was so sad and intense. No one tried to minister to him first before removing him. The effort was not even attempted. 

At that moment I wondered what Jesus would do with this woman in our midst if He were here in the flesh. The still small voice returned at that thought and said, “love on her”. I don’t like to be used (By means of being taken advantage of by humans), but if I must, let it be by the direction, unction and instruction of Christ Jesus!

Without further hesitation, I left my seat and walked to her. I threw my arms around her neck. I instantly smell an overwhelming aroma of alcohol mixed with cigarettes and perfume. I proceeded to whisper in her ear that we are so glad that she’s here and want her to stay. She began to weep and I asked if she wanted me to sit with her. She simply lowered her head and shrugged her shoulders. I knew at that moment that I must stay with her and I did. 

I kept my arm wrapped around her shoulder most of the time and gave her gentle squeezes or pats when she became too loud. She got the hints and apologized after each one. She cried the entire stay and often whispered “Yahweh, I love you!”

Although nauseously flooded by her mixed aroma, God kept me. I was even more overwhelmed with her heart. It was full of praise and genuine adoration for Christ. She may be struggling with alcoholism but it was clear to me that she loved, knew and depended on the same God as I. 
I missed the essence of the message that night as I prayed for this stranger. By the end of the night I was completely drained but felt honored to have fellowshipped with this sister and used by my Heavenly Father. 

Have you ever had an encounter similar to this one?

What did you do?

What did others around you do?
As believers, we must never reach a point where we forget what God has delivered us from. None of us have arrived! Without judgement, accusations, labels, or sneers, I couldn’t forget that I was once this woman in some shape, form or fashion. There are ministry opportunities all around us and God uses us to show His love to those in need. 

Represent and Let Him Use You!
Until next time, Happy Sunday!

Broken, Relationships

Sins of a Female Saint – Part 1 

The attraction was overwhelmingly intense. Like the power of 10 industrial size magnets I was being drawn in and could not stop it. In fact, after a time I didn’t want to stop it. I pursued and hunted after a single meeting and conversation that ignited something deep in me that apparently had died. Suddenly I felt alive and I wanted; no I needed more.

His smile, his features, his laugh, his smell were so completely intoxicating! His sense of humor was very similar to mine. We had so much in common and talked for hours…if and when we could. I had not been attracted to anyone this strongly and at this level in well over a decade and had forgotten what the experience felt like. My cheeks burned from blushing every-time I heard his voice. He would leave messages for me overnight on my work voice machine. I looked forward to them the instant they began. I found myself anxious to get up in the morning. Couldn’t wait to see if he was thinking of me overnight like I thought of him. He never disappointed. I listened to his messages frequently throughout the day.
I couldn’t sleep at night. Visions of him would not stop. I fantasizes during times that I knew I shouldn’t; when I should be working , studying, while in church and even while lying in bed next to my husband of nearly 10 years…

My marriage was severely broken. I was just 23 when I wedded, a babe in Christ and was told by the church mothers that we must stop living in sin. A little less than a year after meeting, we exchanged vows. It was not long afterwards that I began to discover that I didn’t take enough time to get to know him, to know myself and what God expected of me vs. the religious practices of man. Still I held on unsure, growing increasingly unhappy because I didn’t want to disappoint. I made God a promise and I was going to keep it by any means necessary. I prayed hard, long, and often. I got counseling too; still I faltered. 

The attraction came along at the most vulnerable time. Love, respect, intimacy, connection, and the will to keep trying in my marriage was dying for me. I was outgrowing my mate mentally and spiritually and the reality of it all was very painful. I was not keeping the facade together outwardly because a few that were close could clearly see the stark imbalance between us two. This new love interest reminded me often that I could still have those things I longed for again. 

For months, he became the only bright spot in my life for all hell began to break loose in my world. I was losing it all simultaneously. My health, my relationships, my home, my finances, my sanity, my way….. I ran to him for shelter, friendship then ultimately mental and physical comfort…..
This is my deepest, darkest and most painful confession. I once was a Christian Female Adulteress.

Even as I re-read the words above, nearly 10 years after these series of events,  it still doesn’t sound like me. My character, my beliefs, my position; I compromised them all with a single decision and I payed a deep price for it all. That price was the inability to move forward for an extended period of time. I believed that everything adverse that was happening to me was the result of what I did. Certainly I deserved it because I dishonor my vows. I drowned In thinking I didn’t deserve and I couldn’t forgive myself. I didn’t even know I needed to until just 2 years ago. 

Five years ago I conceived my first and only biological child. This happened out of wedlock and during a time when I walked away from God. I was extremely unhealthy spiritually and carried around a tremendous amount of pain, anger and guilt. I finally came to my senses for the sake of my child. Oh Lord I need thee!

I went for counseling with my son’s father upon his request. I only expected family therapy to learn how to co-parent with him. It’s all I wanted and nothing more. We were crazy about each other but with both of us being divorcees we never fully gave our relationship a chance. At the time,we had been apart as a couple for nearly a year. The Pastors who were assigned to help us clearly saw we were madly in love and they needed to seperate us to get to the bottom of our individual issues. 

So much came out in those sessions and I learned I needed to forgive myself for how I left my first marriage. When I finally released, it was such a heavy burden ejected from my soul. How I wish I would have done that earlier and saved myself 8 years of unnecessary mental anguish! Those family counseling sessions ultimately turned into pre-marital counseling. We married October 10, 2014. 

For me, this is the most intimate and embarrassing thing I have ever revealed. I know that I need to share for there are other women who suffer silently. Although men are more likely than women to commit adultery making this topic for them an accepted norm, women fail to be honest about the matter due to the harsh criticism we more than likely will subject ourselves to.

I personally am over how people may respond. I’ve beat myself up worse than any human ever could and sentenced myself to an 8 year term of absolute mental torture. Nothing hurts worse than that. Today I am completely set free and reconciled the most important relationship in my life; my bond with my Lord, my Savior, my Redeemer, Christ Jesus.

By-the-way, If you are wondering what ever happened to the man I fell for .. Well, he is the one I married. This is my RealBoldTruth! 

Soulful Sunday

Soulful Sunday – Going Deeper


I became encouraged to write this post after visiting a church that reminded me where I was as a babe in Christ many years ago. The Pastor was extremely charismatic! His vocals were through the roof, and his goal appeared to be hyping up the crowd during worship and periodically during his prepared message. People were all around me dancing, shouting and going off in their own undignified praise! 

I’m no longer moved by services like that. This time I was nothing more than entertained and reminded of what use to move me. Once upon a time when I was drinking only spiritual milk, that kind of service once filled me to capacity. Get me emotionally stirred up, let me shout it out, and go home saying “We Had Church Today!” 

Those days are long gone and my spiritual edifice needs meat along with my appetizers! Give me the unadulterated Word of God and I have been known to come way out of my shell and turn up in the house of the Lord!

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely enjoyed my visit. Praise and Worship sets the atmosphere to receive. But God began to show me over the years during my Christian experience how he’s been taking me deeper. As I continue to follow and yearn for more of Him, I’ve learned that this far exceeds a ramping up in song and dance. The Word takes me beneath the surface.

My Walk in the beginning started with a Baptist/Pentacostal experience. I learned how to get in touch with my emotions and become vulnerable to stirring experiences. I learned how to shout, dance, understand the move of the Holy Spirit and could care less who was watching. 

I then moved on to a Non-Denominational church environment. – Here I embraced the Worship experience. It’s more subtle and personal with the raising of my hands in reverence to my Savior, closing my eyes, crying out before God openly in the same unashamed way. I received the gift of speaking in tongues and embraced the unified corporate fellowship of Believers from all walks of life. 

Today I am learning spiritual warfare. Responding and fighting the many tough issues that life can throw my way by not focusing on flesh and blood. I am trusting God with my whole life much more by, purposing to keep my eye on Him and staying confidant that He is truly in control.

Putting it all together is an awesome spiritual concoction that has reaped so many progressive rewards. I can never get enough and am forever excited about the next level of deeper.

Have you reached a stalemate in your Walk with God? Are you bored, operating in your own understanding and have settled or plateaued in you Christian growth? If so, it may be time to seek ways to go deeper in God. 

He has so much more for us. To get what we are entitled to, we must sit at his feet and purposely spend time with Him. We may need to leave the Church we have been at for years if we are no longer growing. We may need to stop kidding ourselves and accepting human logic that church attendance is optional. We will certainly need to surrender our own will. 

What ever it may be, a shift, change or move is required in order to experience deeper.

Until next time, Happy Sunday!

Soulful Sunday

Soulful Sunday – The Assembly

I love Sundays! Probably my next favorite day of the week after Fridays for obvious reasons!!

Sundays are serene, a day I can dictate and choose to use as my heart so pleases! Good old Rest and Relaxation is my goal on this day; of course after I come home from Church!

For many, church attendance is optional, not truly a necessity and feels more like a chore. After giving our employer that 9-5 Monday-Friday and Saturdays are used for what we can’t do during the week, Sunday is the day that a great deal choose to sleep in and keep for themselves. Then there are those who have been hurt by the Church and have determined that attendance is just not for them. Watching an on-line or televised inspirational special is good enough. Not to mention convenient and all many are willing to give!

Personally, I completely understand all of these examples. I am a very busy lady! A mother, wife, full time employee, daughter, friend, writer and a multitude of other titles and hats I’ve been blessed to wear. It all gets done someway and some how. Furthermore, I understand church hurt far too well. It stings and offends the soul oftentimes beyond repair if wisdom is not sought in these sensitive cases.

But the RealBoldTruth in the matter is that our Lord and Savior, the precious Heavenly  Father clearly instructs that gathering with the saints of God is not an option. He wants us to regardless if the enemy has tricked us into thinking going is not such a big deal.  Well, it is!

Photo Credit – betheexample.com
Hebrews 10:25 instructs us as Believers to get together for Worship and Instruction. Some may argue this interpretation but sounds like Church to me! Especially when I read this passage in the Amplified Version.

Photo Credit – heartlight.org
By ignoring this direction and remaining secluded in our reverence to Christ
we deny ourselves and others many blessings. They include extended knowledge, fellowship, opportunities to give (not just finances) and times to receive.

I don’t know about you but there are times when I lie in bed on Sunday mornings and my physical logic just don’t feel like being bothered! It’s that same feeling I get when my brain says go to the gym but my body don’t want to cooperate! When my spirit gets the final say, I drag my flesh into doing what it doesn’t feel like doing.  By the time my workout ends, I feel like I can conquer the world! No matter if people around me think, “What in creation is she doing???”

I get this same sense of uphoria after I leave church. My spirit has been touched and edified. I was able to hug or encourage someone who came in discouraged. I find out about a new event that my family or children can benefit from. I meet new friends that add so much value to my life and I pray that I do the same in return. Unexpected blessings occur periodically that I certainly would not have been able to receive if I choose to stay home consistently. Networking connections present themselves and beyond. My soul is charged like a battery until I join the assembly again. There’s nothing like it!

I don’t have to stress the understatement that life can be excruciating at times. The society of others who share our common faith makes our challenges a lot easier to handle. I wish I could say that we don’t have to be guarded in a sense when it comes to us “Church Folk”, but the enemy is who he is amongst humans who will never be flawless! 

Develop a gift of discernment when it comes to picking a church and how close you get to those in it. My motto is chew the meat and spit out the bones! That’s the practice of hearing from your spirit man what is for you and what is not! Unfortunately, the devil will walk right up in the building! He will take a seat to continue to cause confusion amongst the saints and the world who watches our conduct.

Photo Credit – drawception.com
Although we have little to no control over this, there are still less devils in church than in the world! There is safety, protection and strength in the body of Christ overall and real benefits for attending. 

Regardless of what you decide to do with this gentle reminder, know that it’s a fact, as believers,  we need each other to survive.

Happy Sunday!