Tag: motherhood

Soulful Sunday – Tempted By Sight!

These last days that we live in have proven to be filled with difficult challenges, great disparity and corrupt with incredible immoralities. It is more critical now than ever for the believing heart to remain tied to The Savior.

He is the ONLY thing that remains consistent, unchanged, refreshing and true. Hope, peace, restoration, healing, abundance and so much more are a guarantee in Our Heavenly Father.

But because we live in flesh and face a spiritual enemy that lives to destroy our connection with God, we are sometimes tempted by the things we see.

I consider myself a strong woman of great faith. Yet, a few weeks ago I was challenged in an area that I allowed to affect me and I became tempted by my sight.

My 6 year old son suffered some symptoms that appeared asthmatic in nature. Neither I nor my husband recognized what he was going through initially. It started with a cough, runny nose and sneezing. Surly this was just a common cold for the whether swiftly changed from warm sunny days to brisk chilly mornings filled with dew in the air. The change was sudden and a bit of a shock for everyone.

Several days went by and my son’s symptoms remained. His cough continued and he told me “Mommy, I can’t do the big breath.” Yet I still didn’t get it and kept providing him treatment for a cold.

After a week, he developed a fever and seemed to be using his entire diaphragm to take simple breaths. His heart was racing uncontrollably and clearly he appeared distressed. That’s when I knew something was terribly wrong. As my husband and I took him to the emergency room, we remained for 5 hours and they could not get his symptoms under control. They admitted him to ICU and there he remained for nearly 2 days.

The enemy messing with my baby was overwhelming! To see him on a breathing machine with IVs in his little arm and not being able to feed or hold him affected me in a way nothing ever could. We watched numbers on him monitors rise and fall. Over 24 hours of unstable readings and no clarity on his condition I allowed my emotions to be toyed with.

My son shedding a river of tears due to being weary, hungry and scared were down right torturous to my very soul. I lingered by feeling absolutely helpless and would take his place if only I could.

There were periods throughout this 72 hour ordeal when my eyes indeed fell off my Savior. I was tempted by what my son was enduring and what I was seeing.

Our Heavenly Father commands us to keep our eyes on Him in every situation that we face. Any other action temps us to be ensnared by the enemy’s tactics. We will certainly begin to worry, doubt, become offended, say the wrong things and react with fear. These emotions are contrary to The Word of God.

The longer we keep our eyes on our circumstances, the longer it takes to be delivered from them all. No one purposely wants to prolong pain so the quicker we adjust our perspectives spiritually, we allow our Savior to go to work on our behalf.

I eventually recognized that the attack on my son was to get me questioning God’s power in my life. I shut him down by putting out a call to some warriors that I knew would stand in the gap with consistent prayer.

Within hours my son began to recover. He was discharged and returned to his normal self within days.

Are you facing a situation today that you keep looking at with your natural eye? If so quickly adjust your understanding and trust God! He is not taking too long neither is He ignoring your cry. This mentality is yet another trick of the enemy to keep you in emotional bondage with what you face.

Fight him by aligning back in faith quickly! You may not be able to do this alone so do what you must to regain your peace, your trust, your prosperity, your sanity and your future. This thing WILL turn around for your good when you no longer allow the enemy to tempt you by sight!

Until Next Time, Happy Sunday!

Somebody, HELP ME!!!!!!

Being an accountable woman of excellence is extremely difficult at times. The daily demands expected of those she is responsible for can sometimes take an adverse toll mentally, physically and spiritually. This is even more true as she begins to age.

I ended 2016 weary and drained in every way. I’m a full time employee, mother, wife, aspiring author and a servant in multiple ministries. Like many women, my schedule is completely full and I rarely take time to slow down to pay attention to my own needs. 

One evening after a frustrating day of work, I came home with a million things to do. My son needed homework completed, dinner needed to be prepared and so much more. I stopped to pick up groceries and when I walked in the kitchen it was filthy from dinner the night before. My husband was where I typically find him, lounging by the television with his feet up and remote control nearby. My son was now hounding me for a snack and I hadn’t even taken my coat off or set the groceries down!

As you can imagine, my internal instincts were near explosive for I had not been getting enough sleep. My son suffers from chronic eczema and often wakes in the middle of the night. Sometimes up to 2-3 times. My husband has also developed a snore over the past two years that I find extremely hard to sleep through. 

As I gave into my son’s demands for a treat, I began to clean the kitchen. Slamming dishes in the washer and aggressively wiping down counter surfaces. All the while having many thoughts of regret in all the titles that I have. I was feeling like a slave and it seemed that my family was completely blind that I was struggling with my stamina. Not to mention, I already battle daily to fight away the fatigue symptoms that naturally come along with Multiple Sclerosis. I hated everyone for not being concerned about my well being. I had no idea how much longer I could go on doing nearly 15 hours of work off of 4-5 hours of broken sleep every night for months! I felt like I was dying!

As my husband walked into the kitchen making light conversation, he felt the tension I was giving off. When he asked what was wrong, I flew off the handle! Yelling, screaming and ending my rant with these words, “HELP ME!!!!”

He was of course offended with my approach and brushed my tirade off as if it meant nothing and I was just being a typical nagging woman. My short fuse disturbed our son and I just wanted so badly to pack up and run away!

As I dragged my weary body out of bed the next morning, while my family was still sleeping, I went downstairs to pray. I don’t remember weeping that hard in a long time. I cried out to the Lord about all the demands on my life, my lack of strength, not having a solid or dependable support system, and my concerns for my declining health. God, Please HELP ME!! Just like with my husband, these words were the closing ask in my ranted prayer.

Not long thereafter, the spirit of wisdom took the place of my many ill feelings. God began to show me practical areas that I needed to make a priority in order to stay well. First was my diet. I felt run down due to not giving my temple the necessary nutrients that it requires. I changed that quick with juicing! Within a few weeks, my energy has been through the roof! 

I sought wholistic treatments for my son’s condition. I stumbled across the National Eczema Association that had a list of approved products that I had not tried and his doctors had not recommended. Within weeks of using a natural combination, his skin is near 100% healed! He’s been sleeping through the night for the first time in nearly a year!

My husband suggested that we exercise together. We’re taking a weekly spin class and it’s both challenging and really fun! The necessary movement is burning calories, reducing inflammation and relieving a great deal of stress. The time has also ministered to our marriage as we commit to putting nothing before this bonding time together.

He’s sharing a little bit more in household duties and we started off the New Year with a 31 day prayer, one for the other. God has shown Himself faithful in it all! (Still praying for the snoring deliverance though!)

When you feel like you are at a breaking point, stop to recognize the attack is coming from the adversary and ask your Heavenly Father for help. He is the only one who can provide the relief that we need in order to set our crooked, beaten and worn paths completely straight.

STFWO – Many Faces of Motherhood

Hi RealBoldTruth Readers!!

I pray you are all blessed,  highly favored, encouraged and speaking life upon reading this message! If not, it’s not too late to Change Your Mind!!

This month on Straight Talk for Woman Only, my Co-Hosts and I had a beautiful candid discussion on Motherhood. The title has an abundance of faces! We explored many of them, shared our personal experiences and how God has blessed us all through infertility and extended waiting periods to become mothers.

If you or if you know someone who desires to be a mother, this message is a must see. Many of us are already operating in the role and we just don’t know it!

Straight Talk for Women Only airs the first Thursday of every month at 6pm EST. sponsored by Victory Christian Fellowship in New Castle Delaware.

Visit http://www.stfwo.com for access to great show archives. They are sure to be a blessing to the body of Christ!

Motherhood: A Sacrificial Choice

motherhood


“Motherhood is an instinct, YES, But it is also a practice; It CAN be learned.” Alice Walker
I think Motherhood is the hardest job in the world now that I am one!  It is a selfless act that requires one to deny, derail, and temporarily delay your own wants, desires and sometimes even your needs for the well-being of another….

Many women embrace and stay dedicated to this awesome challenge when their maternal instincts kick in.  Life is now about that child who becomes a priority over self.  We are now commissioned and predestined to mold and shape the very existence of another human being.  To think about it in these terms, it is an overwhelming, often times scary and delicate process.  Most figure it out and make the necessary adjustments so that their children can thrive. Others don’t fair so well leaving countless lives forever shattered.

Motherhood can be a heavy burden that can drive a mother to do unfathomable things.  The demands are never-ending and some women simply don’t survive the process.  Consider Andrea Yates who simply woke up one morning after her husband went to work and decided to drown her 5 children in 2001.  Or more recent acts of a Philadelphia mother, Nyia Parler who abandoned her disabled 21-year-old quadriplegic son with cerebral palsy in a park with nothing more than a blanket and a bible.  Nothing but the grace of God that he was found and survived the elements of rain and 30 degree temperatures.  Lastly a 19-year-old mother, Johnesha Perry threw her 1-year-old baby boy over a bridge into shallow waters in Lehigh County PA just last week.  She ultimately jumped in after him.  These stories are harsh realities and proof that there is a very thin line between sanity and insanity as a Mother. I don’t judge the actions of these women by far.  My heart goes out to everyone involved.  I can only imagine the types of pressures these women were under when they decided to take such drastic measures.

Although I have never felt so desperate as to bring harm to my son, but I do admit that I have looked at him over the years and wondered if I am going to be able to survive the process.  These thoughts entered my mind when I felt the most alone the most unsupported and the most overcome. When the mind is unstable and the spirit is crushed the job of motherhood becomes extremely complicated. An ever-present help is needed. (Psalms 46:1)

Regardless of how difficult motherhood can be at times, it is still a privileged honor all in the same breath. The mother first has to make the choice to want to perfect the art, not be selfish, and seek ways to learn how to survive the process if she just doesn’t know how….. The word of God says that “Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord.” (Psalm 127:3) The one and only true way to survive the loads of motherhood is to stay rooted in God.

I did not always view motherhood as the gift that it is.  I was appointed to be the mother of three.  But due to my own fears, doubts, and self-centered ways, I took it upon myself to return two souls back to the Heavenly Father who gave them to me.  I rejected the gifts with excuses, earthy rationale and with much pity.  Certainly my burden to bear but I thank God for being forever forgiven….. (Thank you Jesus!)

The one I saw through to full term I am committed to beyond description.  My son is 4 years old as I pen these words and brings me unspeakable joy.  At the same time challenges every fiber of my being.  Spiritually I am convicted to be the best mother I can be to him and raise him to be a Godly man.  My physical challenges are great as I push through complications of Multiple Sclerosis with smiles, laughter, hugs and love.  For he does not understand nor does he need to know; at least not right now.  Mentally, as I continue to battle through insecurities, bouts of depression and the results of my own childhood, I constantly question if I am doing the right thing by him.  It is the greatest challenge of my life, but I am so up for it! What other purpose shall my life serve if not to take responsibility to be the best Mother I can be?  He deserves nothing less…. I am also blessed to have some wonderful step children who I love unconditionally as if I birthed them myself.

The role of being a mother never ends.  The definition just shifts as children grow older.  I sternly believe that the job of a mother only ends when her life is over.  It is a long-term sacrifice for those who have stepped up and stayed committed to the calling.

The pain of an absent mother also never ends.  It is a bond that the human spirit requires and if absent and abused will forever scar the soul.  No amount of praying or growing up will take the hurt away caused by a mother who simply decided not to be.  Consider some famous, strong and independent figures that appear well put together and are clearly successful but when asked about their relationships with their mothers, they will crumble and the wounded child within quickly emerges:

  • Kirk Franklin – Famous Gospel Singer
  • Patti Stanger – Host of Millionaire Matchmaker
  • Hugh Jackman – Actor
  • Courtney Love – Actress
  • Gary Coleman (Deceased)– Child Actor
  • Kenya Moore – Reality TV Star
  • Drew Barrymore – Actress

I have watched interviews of each of the above named figures concerning their relationships with their biological mothers.  The agony, is real, it is deep and permanent.  Feelings are mostly suppressed and managed in sometimes self-destructive ways, but it never dulls and never ever goes away…..

I salute every real mother who sacrifices, endures and embraces the hardest job in the world without quitting.  You are to be acknowledged for your greatest sacrifice while:

  • Working full-time and going to school.
  • Suffering from medical conditions (Mentally & Physically)
  • The father of your children walking out on you, becoming disloyal and mentally abusing you as your body went through the necessary changes to bring forth life.
  • Searching how to become a mother for your children when you were never mothered yourself.
  • Remembering that provision does not take the place of being present.

Or a combination of these things….

My mission as a mother is to assure that my son never looks me in the eye and say you weren’t there, you didn’t try, you didn’t teach or warn me, you didn’t provide, you didn’t give me a decent start, you didn’t love me, you failed me…
He could very well grow up and give me his back side but it won’t be the result of me not putting forth my very best effort in preparation for his life.  I will never stop sacrificing for him for it is my call, my duty, my forever blessing. 
Furthermore, concerning this assigned task over my life, I want my Heavenly father to tell me, “Well done, my good and faithful servant…” (Matthew 25:21)

Motherhood is a choice, not a title.  Just as we chose to put ourselves in position to conceive, we must choose to do the right thing by the lives we bought to this earth; regardless of how hard it is. That means constant long-term sacrifices through behavioral problems, disabilities, and other challenges children may bring to further complicate our lives.  If we fail in this area we don’t have the right to expect our children to willingly want to look out for our well-being when they themselves become adults.   (That’s REAL TALK!)
They didn’t’ ask to be here and again, they are our gifts from the Lord most High.
To all the women worthy of the title, Happy Mother’s Day; You deserve it and so much more……
“Motherhood is not about what you gave up to have a child, but what you gained by having one.” Author Unknown


The Grasp of A Million Pieces

She said she was raped and I am the product of the act. She was young, naive and longing for someone to love her. I just wasn’t expected.

She rationalized in her mind to somehow make right out of the wrong by seeing the pregnancy through and somehow create a family. So she stayed with my father and her offender….

A mother she never wanted to be, at least not now and not this way. She had dreams of her own which were now delayed, deferred and ultimately denied. For this child required so much and sometimes it was hard to give of herself naturally and free from resentment.
He made promises to her that never came to fruition. She ultimately found the courage to leave with the baby born between them; against the visions for her life. Only to meet yet another man with similar behaviors, patterns and intentions….

This is the truth of my Mother…

Mine is…
When calculating the ages of both my parents, my conception was indeed an act of statutory assault if nothing more. He was nearly 10 years her senior when she delivered me at the tender age of 17. She was just a kid that had a kid…

This news was delivered to me after the death of my father at age 69 last year. Cancer stole his last breath. The blow of how I came to be left my already fractured life without reason, completely shattered with revelation into a million pieces….
It all made sense to me now. Our life long struggle to function as a healthy mother and daughter duo and my father’s inability to be just that. Was the sight of me in their eyes a constant reminder of what probably should have never happened in the first place? Mere Speculation on my part but probably not far from reality…

I can not obtain clarity on this question from my father but my mother is still here for she was battling cancer simultaneously…and I’m thankful she survived….

How was it for her to look in the face of a child she was not sure she wanted and yet choose to stay? Quite difficult I can only imagine. The extreme amount of pain left her crippled to effectively mother a girl whose odds of facing her same circumstances were great. Yet she did what only she could; to provide the bare necessities. Anything more was often times agonizing and close to impossible.


Oh and Back to me…my emotions have been grossly mixed. Grateful that I found this out long into my adulthood and not in my unstable adolescent years when I often times contemplated suicide. So hurt that I was defined this way leaving me unable to look myself in mirrors as I passed by; praising my creator for protecting me when I did not have the protection of my parents and angry at God all in the same breath….A weird distasteful emotional concoction equivalent to the mix of pickled red beets, sauerkraut, and albacore; the blend should never be!

Although a tremendous amount of pain, we are healing inspite of..

We hold on to one another less loosely. These days I don’t feel like it’s out of obligation. The grip has become less burdensome since we have discussed this openly and honestly. It got uglier before it got better but this too had to be.
We can’t change the past but have a future we can define however we so choose. As an individual and now mother myself I must accept her truth and deal with my own. I have some control over that at least. I still naturally need her love regardless of how I came to be and how much she chooses to give. She’s the only Mom I have; the DNA can’t be replaced. (Look at the picture of us below; I am her little mini-me.) And when I consider the totality of her story, she has strength that I do completely admire…

So we hold on. Free to love each other without expectations. We take what we can get and its truly enough! I tell the devil to kick rocks in this matter. I need to heal and move on! For this mother and daughter, after all we’ve been through; finally are.