Tag: Depression

Soulful Sunday

Soulful Sunday – Wailing In My Wait

There are times when I am not extremely thrilled with God’s timing towards matters in my life. I feel like I’ve been waiting an exceptionally long time for supernatural words to manifest into the natural.

In fact, just this week I had been rather silent in my prayer life; annoyed more so at myself because of how redundant my prayers have been sounding. I was also trying to avoid complaining and speaking the wrong emotional words out into the atmosphere.

I made a choice to be mute until I could adjust my attitude but still walked in the spirit of discontentment.

Fast forward a few days later, I finally opened my mouth to talk with my Savior but I found myself wailing. I released how I was feeling with an ocean of tears, repented for not talking and entertaining the voice of the accuser then gave thanks in praise for hope I still have in His promises.

In life we sometimes will get discouraged as we call out to God for certain situations to change. This is especially true of those that we have been waiting to adjust for a lengthy period of time. Waiting can be exceptionally hard at times and a sense of desperation rises up which can cause our flesh to wail.

God knows and sees it all but truly has things already worked out for our good. We can confirm the same is true by considering if what we seek Him for lines up with His Word and how he delivered us from the last situation we wailed over.

Trying times and challenges we will have always but our God is truly faithful to see us through our circumstances. He’s never failing!

Wailing in our waiting times can be necessary in order to push through with a praise. So release your negative thoughts and energy today in your personal time with God. Then let Him know how grateful you are, how much you still Trust Him and how much you still love Him.

He shall wipe away all of our tears and still has plans for our lives that will certainly come to pass after our wail and our wait.

Until next Time,

Happy Sunday!

Soulful Sunday

Soulful Sunday – Condemnation & Conviction- The Difference

Since we all live in flesh, that fact alone guarantees that each one of us will make decisions and do things contrary to the word of God. It’s just human nature and practically unavoidable at times.

As we grow spiritually, we do get stronger at avoiding the traps of temptation, but we all will still fall short periodically. During this process, others will judge our lives, question our salvation, and criticize our character. Unfortunately, this too comes with the territory and takes a daily spiritual fight to advance in our Christ-like positions.

As we journey, it’s critical to assure we are not handling the mistakes we will sometimes make using the wrong tactics and state-of-mind.

Sometimes, believers can confuse operating in condemnation vs. conviction. There are stark differences between the two that we must keep in the front of our minds.

When we condemn ourselves after making a mistake, we have issued a personal charge to an extended period of mental punishment, blame and rebuke. Condemnation is a tactic from the enemy to make us feel bad indefinitely, walk In unforgiveness towards ourselves and try to make us feel like we are no longer worthy of all that God has for us.

Conviction is rather a gentle “Check” in our spirits from The Lord to aid us in not finding comfort in behavior that doesn’t reflect His Character. We should never beat ourselves up at this nudge but rather take note and work at making corrections in our conduct so that we can continue to grow in Him.

Are you downcast today because of something you did or said to another?

Are you torturing yourself mentally and not feeling deserving of God’s love?

Are you allowing the slurs of others who witnessed what you did wrong to stop your hand and heart from praising our Savior?

Let me encourage you today to know that you’re not the only one! I know what occurred felt unfixable but that’s a lie from Hell and a way to keep you from the comfort of God’s arms. His grace and His mercy are still for you! Stop mentally bashing yourself with condemnation but rather accept the conviction and move on with God! He’s still and always will be for you! That settles it!

Until Next Time,

Happy Sunday

Inspiration, Motivational Moments

RBT – Motivational Moment

Soulful Sunday

Soulful Sunday – Painful Truths

God sometimes speaks to us through other people. He knows we as humans need what He’s saying at times delivered in the flesh because it’s touchable; It’s relatable.

Having the gift of discernment when others provide us with constructive criticism is critical. For things spoken that don’t line up with the Word of God can be devastating if we don’t know any better.

These days, I so welcome correction for it’s my desire to move forward in growth, naturally and spiritually. There are a handful of people who God has sent in my life to help mold and shape my spirit. This includes addressing my wrongs, inconsistencies and immaturity. I take it free of offense and know that I’m developing into a better person and Representative of Christ because of it.

A young woman I know is clearly being verbally abused by her father. Although she is of legal age and clearly an adult, her father has built a controlling environment around her with his narsacisstic behavior patterns. His words to her are extremely harsh and aims to destroy her character. She is going through an extremely difficult time in her life and gets vulnerable to talk to her father often. The end result is always a complete disaster as he rips her apart at the seams with insults, name calling, and painful judgement. All of it piled on top of her very unfortunate circumstances.

It’s clear to me that this man has deeply rooted issues of his own that were never addressed. His self deflecting ways confirms this as I consider his words, actions and experiences. All of what he says is painful but none the Truth.

A sure way that we can tell if God is speaking to us through another is understanding Him. The only way to do so is through His Word. There is no subject or life event that He has left uncovered. It’s ALL there in The Bible.

God corrects us lovingly.

He knows us individually and uniquely better than anyone.

He would never leave us feeling unwanted, abandoned or without solutions to our problems.

He certainly would not label us adversely with descriptions and name calling that is completely demeaning.

God has regard for us and says specific things about who and what we are in Him that NO ONE can take away!

If God is on our side then the ignorant opinion of all others is completely obsolete!

It is very dangerous and unhealthy to become too dependent on people. They will fail you every time, even those closest to you.

Learn how to hear the voice of The Living God. Building a relationship with The Savior is the only way of discovering REAL truths even if they involve correction that can sometimes be painful.

His opinion, correction, guidance and reverence toward us is all we need and all that truly matters.

Until Next Time, Happy Sunday!

Inspiration, mental health

5 Steps to Going From Awkward to Awesome!

There was a lengthy period in my life when I felt like the poster child of being socially awkward! This is more true as a youth and into my young adult years. I simply hated it!!! I had no clue why and it really bothered me especially when I began to discover that in order to experience success in areas such as business and friendships, one must have some basic fundamental people skills.

I spent most of those years in a shell and excessively introverted. Coming out was about the scariest thing I ever had to face! All eyes on me I never wanted even for a few seconds.

In Christ, I discovered that my awkwardness was due to issues I had with trust, self esteem, lack of experience with people outside of my community and fear! Awkwardness for me wasn’t natural but learned behaviors due to adverse life experiences. I allowed what I was exposed to to shape me and it was indeed crippling!

I don’t like being defeated by my fears so I at least had the courage to face them even though I trembled! Today I am much better in social settings although at times I do still feel like the odd one but I’m ok with knowing I am a little different. (Maybe that or hitting the age “who cares what people think” 40!)

Conquering awkwardness starts with getting over you and embracing your uniqueness.

Stop worrying about what the majority thinks of you when the only opinion that matters is the one that created you!

If you are socially odd you may agree with the statement that people don’t know what to think of you!

You find it hard to fit in and want to so desperately at times. It takes much mental effort to remain in a social setting without wanting to run for isolated cover.

Breaking the Cycle:

1. Do a self assessment- are you off because of a mental health issue?

2. Identify a circle you want to be in and show up.

3. Identify one person and mingle.

4. Stay as long as you can without falling apart.

5. Repeat until it feels natural!

People WILL get use to you, and God always sends someone to embrace you. You will miss this blessing if your exit is premature. You may not connect with anyone the first time around but keep showing up! No matter how hard or uncomfortable it feels, challenge yourself to break through this barrier in your life.

If you’ve done your self assessment and don’t have the mental problems I mention above, then you may be fine just the way you are! Switch to doing an assessment of those you are trying to fit in with. Are you REALLY suppose to be with that crowd?

A fact about Social Awkwardness:

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIH), nearly 15 million people in the U.S. suffer from some form of social anxiety disorder. That’s a lot of people! The one you are looking at wondering if they think you’re odd could very well be looking back at you with the same question running through their own minds!

You are fearfully and wonderfully made says the Word Of God who does not lie!

Step into your position of being all that God called you to be! Get out there in all you awesomeness and make the sentiment of awkwardness a thing of the past! You can and Must do this!

Soulful Sunday

Soulful Sunday – P.P.P.

This weekend, I had a wonderful opportunity to minister on a panel of three women at an annual empowerment conference. The theme of the event was entitled “Its Time To GIFT Yourself Away!”

As a believer, when that statement is pondered on alone, it’s nothing short of deeply powerful and thought provoking!

I was commissioned to facilitate the panel discussion that had an audience of nearly 150 attendees. It was also being audio recorded. I was simply honored to do this for a ministry that has completely changed my life. I give credit for my maturing experience spiritually to this platform fully equipped with a visionary and leader of great integrity!

As I prepared for the conference, I sought the Lord for instruction on what He would have me and the ladies share with the people. We had to elaborate on how each one of us have been able to step into and operate in “The Gifts” that God put in us.

I’ve been blessed over the past 3 years to identify my natural born gift as a writer. Then God filled my life with mentors who have pulled associated talents out of me that I didn’t know were there! Speaking, internet radio, television and becoming a columnist for a Christian Magazine. Within the next few months I will finally be able to add published author to these accolades. It’s all for the glory of God and nothing I saw coming my way just a few short years ago.

Personally, operating effectively in “The Gifts” was a process I call The PPP – Painful Purposeful Purging. Had I not challenged myself to stay the course through my PPP, I certainly would not be doing what I’m doing today!

I want to share what has been involved in PPP for me as I have experienced it. Prior to discovering my gifts, I was a woman full of low self regard, a sufferer of chronic depression for nearly 30 years, a person easily intimidated by others who I thought were stronger than me and didn’t value my life for I had no clue who I was or aspired to be.

When I became affiliated with The DOE Ministry, I instantly discovered that I was at a spiritual crossroad. The ministry demanded in love that all attendees rise and take their rightful position in the body of Christ.

As I looked around at the other women there, the enemy tried to make me feel that I didn’t belong, that I wasn’t good enough, that I would never be as effective in ministry as the others, and a whole host of other lies.

I would either return to my comfort zone of despaired isolation or stay the course and go through A Painful Purposeful Purging. This meant, in a nutshell facing ME! Looking myself in the mirror and deal with my damage! I had to visit some very difficult areas from my past that I had stuffed and suppressed. It hurt like nothing ever has but I could not fathom another 30 years of what I had already endured! There HAD to be more!

Like a boxer in a ring, I decided to roll up my spiritual sleeves, put on my gloves and fight for my life! My opponent, an invisible enemy was clearly trying to take me out! The battle was with no one else but myself!

Committed to being Uncomfortable

Being an introvert and not feeling comfortable around people due to deep trust issue, I had to fight my flesh that wanted to flee every circumstance and environment that would force me to grow up and address my weaknesses. I forced myself to show up consistently and stay to the end. This was so painful in the beginning for I would leave with tremendous headaches at times but felt pride that I conquered something that has had me in bondage for years. The more I showed up, the less uncomfortable I became.

Cleansing My Soul

As comfort came, I was now able to address finding out who I am in Christ.

I began to control my thoughts and renew my mind.

I had to forgive and stop blaming others for my circumstances.

I stopped looking back at my past failures and successes and began looking forward to a future with possibilities!

Most importantly, I started understanding the Spirit of Adoption to deal with my rooted issues of rejection.

My PPP has taken 4 years and is still being refined. I have scaled away layers upon layers of mental mess that has kept me crippled in the Spirt. What is now exposed are my “Gifts” that I can flow in more freely due to heavy weights being lifted. I won in Christ with a major T.K.O.!

For someone reading this, you MUST go through your own person PPP. It will NOT be easy and does not happen overnight. However if you fight hard and long enough, a life is waiting for you filled with abundance! There are also others who desperately need what God put in you!

While you still have time, life and chances, gear up for the purge and start to Gift Yourself Away.

Until next Time, Happy Sunday

Soulful Sunday

Soulful Sunday: What’s REALLY Holding You Back?

As weeks create months and months turn into years, decades are formed and reality becomes evident. We are aging and are often faced with “THE” question directly or indirectly; Are we making the most out of the life we have left?

This thought feels irrelevant in our adolescent years when we feel invincible for it appears that there is plenty of time to think on these things later; much later…

Then one day we wake up, look in the mirror and 40, 50, 60,70 and beyond are upon us. Our stark reality is where did the time go and are we living a purposed filled life? You know, the one that God has called us to before we were ever in existence.

If you can say without hesitation that you spend your days doing the thing God put you on this earth for, I certainly commend you! However, if that’s NOT you and you are in those age categories I mentioned above, What’s Holding You Back?

The level of true purpose I am alluding to has nothing to do with that job you slave at every day to earn a living. You can confirm that this statement is true if you feel that something is missing and deep inside, you’re unfulfilled. I’m talking about your primary reason for being. You gift, your talent, that business idea, that ministry, that book, that masterpiece that only YOU can deliver and birth to the world. 

It’s that thing you have been seeing repetitively in visions or dreams. That idea that gives you chills when you ponder on it but quickly dismiss with a plethora of old and tired excuses..

That hurt

That shame

That lack of confidence 

That comparison to others

That envy of your Brother

That previous failure

That finger pointing and blaming

That lack of Faith in your Lord and Savior 

For many reading this, What’s REALLY holding you back from embracing your destiny is directly connected to a matter you have not officially dealt with in your past. If you don’t face it, you will end up like countless others; leaving this earth and taking what should have been shared with the world with you. Now that’s really selfish! RealBoldTruth!

I recently had to deal with an extremely painful area of my life that I have been suppressing for several decades. I really thought I had it under control especially as of lates. I’ve discovered who I am in Christ, learned how to look to Him and trust Him more, have been in constant fellowship to assure I don’t go back to old ways of thinking and I’ve been serving and giving faithfully in ministry. Yet this soul striping thing keeps coming up and I grew sick of it! I couldn’t put my finger on why I’m still struggling with something that should be so old but knew it was the source of what has been holding me back from all God truly has for me.

I was recently put in a setting and was given the option to become vulnerable and transparent about this thing and my flesh felt reservations. However my spirit prevailed by telling me it’s now or never!

I ultimately shared a very private battle with the most unlikely person and found out she had struggled with the very same thing! I was in complete shock for she seemed to have it all together. She gave me a name for “my thing” and it’s called “Rejection ” she shared with me some tools and specific word that I started using right away and a release I experienced almost instantly!

Initially I was so very uncomfortable being this exposed but it has been way past time to “Tell The Truth and Shame The Devil!” I want my freedom more than my security of holding on to this dead stinky thing that clearly robs me of so many possibilities!

I challenge you today to think on these things. What have you NOT faced, NOT confessed, NOT healed from, buried alive kicking and screaming that will NOT die? It’s the very thing that is stopping you from spending more energy cultivating you “Gift” than dwelling on what won’t change. 

God has so much more for you but you’ll never experience the totality of His blessings if you don’t give this thing up! Stop lying, to yourself, and listening to the voice of the enemy more than the voice of the Lord! 

Do it NOW, before YOU and IT simply become a memory.

Until Next Time, Happy Sunday!

Soulful Sunday

Not Yet Delivered

I gave my life to Christ well over 20 years ago. I distinctly recall standing before a pastor, congregation and a small fleet of deacons at a modest baptist church. I willingly repeated the prayer of salvation and thought finally, I had it all together! The moment felt like a cleansing, a renewal, a refreshing as I asked the Lord to reside within my heart permanently. 

I also remember leaving that place of worship that day the happiest I had ever been! But within days I experienced an incredible, deep, emotional low that seemed to threaten my committed confession to God. I remember asking myself, if I am now saved, why do I still feel so heavy, so worthless, so unwanted, so undeserving, so un-Christ-like? This mental contradiction would actually linger on for nearly two decades thereafter.

Periodically, throughout my Christian experience, I would hear the expression “Deliverance”. Unfortunately, I didn’t know what the term truly meant. As I struggled long-term with overwhelming bouts of depression, low self regard and thoughts of destruction, I wasn’t able to make the connection and often questioned God’s love for me. I was actually saved but not yet delivered.

Not Yet:

Delivered from ill thoughts

Delivered from fleshly struggles

Delivered from seeking value in man

Delivered from wanting things more than God Himself…..

Fast forward to today, I am completely filled, set free and and over the tormenting mindset of my past that has tried to limit and silence me. After giving my life to God, I didn’t know that to reach the position of freedom, I had to go through a deliverance process. That route for me meant getting consistent Word that counter-reacted my automatic state of mind. I had to reprogram every single thought, shift destructive behavior patterns and clean out my circle! In doing this, I had to become incredibly vulnerable by taking a chance with complete strangers. I let them into into my dark and guarded spaces. My secrets, my mistakes, my pain, my shame….. I had to commit to showing up regularly to places where help and mentorship was available no matter how uncomfortable I felt. 

My flesh fought me long and hard in these areas but my spirit won for I wanted and needed to be free! I took the risk because life certainly had to get better than what I was experiencing. I wanted, needed and desired more of God. 

The God of More than enough. 

The God that has plans for me.

The God that would use me to assist in delivering others.

The God known as my Abba Father.

The God that really, truly loves me.


Are you a believer today still stuck in many ways, habits and thought processes that sent you to the alter giving your life to Christ in the first place? If so, the answer to move past this paralyzingly norm is to get DELIVERED! 

At minimum, you need The Word of God specific to your issues. You need mentorship from those who have been in your shoes to help pull you through. You need a committed prayer life to hear the voice of the living God. 

Deliverance is a serious process and won’t happen over night. You will have to be willing, patient, vulnerable and fight your flesh harder than you ever have before! It took me over two years to totally be free of over 30 years of all I’ve ever known in thought and deed. Every step was completely worth it! I’m so grateful and I’ll never go back! 

Until next time, Happy Sunday!

 

Inspiration, Wisdom

Somebody, HELP ME!!!!!!

Being an accountable woman of excellence is extremely difficult at times. The daily demands expected of those she is responsible for can sometimes take an adverse toll mentally, physically and spiritually. This is even more true as she begins to age.

I ended 2016 weary and drained in every way. I’m a full time employee, mother, wife, aspiring author and a servant in multiple ministries. Like many women, my schedule is completely full and I rarely take time to slow down to pay attention to my own needs. 

One evening after a frustrating day of work, I came home with a million things to do. My son needed homework completed, dinner needed to be prepared and so much more. I stopped to pick up groceries and when I walked in the kitchen it was filthy from dinner the night before. My husband was where I typically find him, lounging by the television with his feet up and remote control nearby. My son was now hounding me for a snack and I hadn’t even taken my coat off or set the groceries down!

As you can imagine, my internal instincts were near explosive for I had not been getting enough sleep. My son suffers from chronic eczema and often wakes in the middle of the night. Sometimes up to 2-3 times. My husband has also developed a snore over the past two years that I find extremely hard to sleep through. 

As I gave into my son’s demands for a treat, I began to clean the kitchen. Slamming dishes in the washer and aggressively wiping down counter surfaces. All the while having many thoughts of regret in all the titles that I have. I was feeling like a slave and it seemed that my family was completely blind that I was struggling with my stamina. Not to mention, I already battle daily to fight away the fatigue symptoms that naturally come along with Multiple Sclerosis. I hated everyone for not being concerned about my well being. I had no idea how much longer I could go on doing nearly 15 hours of work off of 4-5 hours of broken sleep every night for months! I felt like I was dying!

As my husband walked into the kitchen making light conversation, he felt the tension I was giving off. When he asked what was wrong, I flew off the handle! Yelling, screaming and ending my rant with these words, “HELP ME!!!!”

He was of course offended with my approach and brushed my tirade off as if it meant nothing and I was just being a typical nagging woman. My short fuse disturbed our son and I just wanted so badly to pack up and run away!

As I dragged my weary body out of bed the next morning, while my family was still sleeping, I went downstairs to pray. I don’t remember weeping that hard in a long time. I cried out to the Lord about all the demands on my life, my lack of strength, not having a solid or dependable support system, and my concerns for my declining health. God, Please HELP ME!! Just like with my husband, these words were the closing ask in my ranted prayer.

Not long thereafter, the spirit of wisdom took the place of my many ill feelings. God began to show me practical areas that I needed to make a priority in order to stay well. First was my diet. I felt run down due to not giving my temple the necessary nutrients that it requires. I changed that quick with juicing! Within a few weeks, my energy has been through the roof! 

I sought wholistic treatments for my son’s condition. I stumbled across the National Eczema Association that had a list of approved products that I had not tried and his doctors had not recommended. Within weeks of using a natural combination, his skin is near 100% healed! He’s been sleeping through the night for the first time in nearly a year!

My husband suggested that we exercise together. We’re taking a weekly spin class and it’s both challenging and really fun! The necessary movement is burning calories, reducing inflammation and relieving a great deal of stress. The time has also ministered to our marriage as we commit to putting nothing before this bonding time together.

He’s sharing a little bit more in household duties and we started off the New Year with a 31 day prayer, one for the other. God has shown Himself faithful in it all! (Still praying for the snoring deliverance though!)

When you feel like you are at a breaking point, stop to recognize the attack is coming from the adversary and ask your Heavenly Father for help. He is the only one who can provide the relief that we need in order to set our crooked, beaten and worn paths completely straight.

Soulful Sunday

Soulful Sunday – Alive in A Dead Place

This time last year, I was loosing my grip on a job that I initially thought was a tremendous blessing. Within 6 months of accepting the position, I had to make a painful choice to resign for the sake of my health. The entire process was painful and a new experience for me. It was also incredibly offensive and I was left devastated. I thought I lost it all.

Within 30 days of resigning, God opened a door to new employment satisfy my provisional needs. Now nearly 11 months in, I’ve discovered that I am in the midst of dry land; a dead place. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful without question! But I am also extremely progressive minded, seek and pursue higher opportunities and am wired to reach for more. I never find comfort with glass ceilings and mediocre states. The ability to advance, learn and grow are simply not present. I’m content with the way things are for the moment but when I consider and plan my future, I know this can’t be it…

I also have recognized that I truly am in the right type of job for what God has me currently doing outside of work. I have unlimited flexibility to function in my creative space and have accomplished much in this time! Yes, I’m grateful!

Subsequently, I have noticed that my co-workers often come to me for encouragement and I gladly give it! I have led at least one to The Lord, have prayed for and with several, and have offered advice to another who was going through a very difficult family time. I tried to take matters further by seeking ways to start a prayer group and have submitted encouraging articles to be featured on the company’s intranet website. (Free from too many Godly specifics of course!) Both requests have been rejected or have fallen on death ears so far…
I am at peace never-the-less while I wait for the next move of God and I’ll continue to seek ways to serve as a light in the middle of heavy darkness.

You know you are in a dead place if first you recognize that life is missing! Your uniqueness stands out when you see those around you settle and grow content in status quo. The same old same sickens you, makes you uncomfortable and you feel a strong urge to go against the grain. 

But what do you do when you just can’t get out? That job, that business, that relationship, that Ministry, or that issue you have identified as a lingering problem? God is silent and not allowing change when you pray for it or try to force it. Stop fighting for it’s just not time!

You have a choice to become a complaining wanderer, join the deadness of others by just existing or Take a stand and LIVE!

Choose with me this day to live in that dead place for God has plans! 

He ordered in His Word to Live and Not Die!

He will make a way of escape in due season!

He is a man that cannot lie and will never leave nor forsake!

If you are with me and are unable to leave your current situation, seek peace without compromising or conforming. Finding the balance is indeed tricky but will take spiritual, calculated and committed moves. Talk to the Lord about what your’s should be. If you look deeper, past your understanding, there is purpose in the dry and dead land and it’s all working for your good!

Until Next Time, Happy Sunday!