Tag: change

Soulful Sunday

Soulful Sunday: What’s REALLY Holding You Back?

As weeks create months and months turn into years, decades are formed and reality becomes evident. We are aging and are often faced with “THE” question directly or indirectly; Are we making the most out of the life we have left?

This thought feels irrelevant in our adolescent years when we feel invincible for it appears that there is plenty of time to think on these things later; much later…

Then one day we wake up, look in the mirror and 40, 50, 60,70 and beyond are upon us. Our stark reality is where did the time go and are we living a purposed filled life? You know, the one that God has called us to before we were ever in existence.

If you can say without hesitation that you spend your days doing the thing God put you on this earth for, I certainly commend you! However, if that’s NOT you and you are in those age categories I mentioned above, What’s Holding You Back?

The level of true purpose I am alluding to has nothing to do with that job you slave at every day to earn a living. You can confirm that this statement is true if you feel that something is missing and deep inside, you’re unfulfilled. I’m talking about your primary reason for being. You gift, your talent, that business idea, that ministry, that book, that masterpiece that only YOU can deliver and birth to the world. 

It’s that thing you have been seeing repetitively in visions or dreams. That idea that gives you chills when you ponder on it but quickly dismiss with a plethora of old and tired excuses..

That hurt

That shame

That lack of confidence 

That comparison to others

That envy of your Brother

That previous failure

That finger pointing and blaming

That lack of Faith in your Lord and Savior 

For many reading this, What’s REALLY holding you back from embracing your destiny is directly connected to a matter you have not officially dealt with in your past. If you don’t face it, you will end up like countless others; leaving this earth and taking what should have been shared with the world with you. Now that’s really selfish! RealBoldTruth!

I recently had to deal with an extremely painful area of my life that I have been suppressing for several decades. I really thought I had it under control especially as of lates. I’ve discovered who I am in Christ, learned how to look to Him and trust Him more, have been in constant fellowship to assure I don’t go back to old ways of thinking and I’ve been serving and giving faithfully in ministry. Yet this soul striping thing keeps coming up and I grew sick of it! I couldn’t put my finger on why I’m still struggling with something that should be so old but knew it was the source of what has been holding me back from all God truly has for me.

I was recently put in a setting and was given the option to become vulnerable and transparent about this thing and my flesh felt reservations. However my spirit prevailed by telling me it’s now or never!

I ultimately shared a very private battle with the most unlikely person and found out she had struggled with the very same thing! I was in complete shock for she seemed to have it all together. She gave me a name for “my thing” and it’s called “Rejection ” she shared with me some tools and specific word that I started using right away and a release I experienced almost instantly!

Initially I was so very uncomfortable being this exposed but it has been way past time to “Tell The Truth and Shame The Devil!” I want my freedom more than my security of holding on to this dead stinky thing that clearly robs me of so many possibilities!

I challenge you today to think on these things. What have you NOT faced, NOT confessed, NOT healed from, buried alive kicking and screaming that will NOT die? It’s the very thing that is stopping you from spending more energy cultivating you “Gift” than dwelling on what won’t change. 

God has so much more for you but you’ll never experience the totality of His blessings if you don’t give this thing up! Stop lying, to yourself, and listening to the voice of the enemy more than the voice of the Lord! 

Do it NOW, before YOU and IT simply become a memory.

Until Next Time, Happy Sunday!

Kish Magazine

Kish Magazine – The Uncontainable God

Hello RBT Readers! I pray this post finds you all well in mind, body and spirit. My articles have been infrequent lately due to a very demanding schedule which includes starting a new job, BUT GOD!

He remains faithful, ever present and renews my strength from day to day! I recognize this and know if it was not for His hand consistently moving in my life, I simply would not be able to sustain!

Speaking of recognizing, someone needs to be reminded today just how incredibly BIG your Heavenly Father is. He’s quite uncontainable!!

This month I wrote a very short yet powerful article for KISH Magazine on this very matter. Please do check it out. It will take you 5 minutes to read but may serve as the ministry source to get your faith moving in the right direction again.

http://kish-magazine.com/the-uncontainable-god/

If your experience today is an impasse or you are growing faint, be reminded of your position and who your Daddy is!!

KISH Magazine is an inspiration Christian Publication that is distributed all across the country quarterly. The website is consistently update with soul stirring articles, testimonies and features of new authors. RBT ministries has a column that also features new material every month. Check out and share the content at:

http://www.kish-magazine.com

Blessings and be encouraged!

Soulful Sunday

Soulful Sunday – Sin Consequence

I am an avid believer that The Heavenly Father is incredibly merciful! There is nothing that compares to His Grace and His Mercy. He’s forgiving, gracious and provides multiple opportunities for each of His children to repent from sin and return to the safety of His arms.

He is well aware that the flesh our spirits live in presents an array of challenges daily! We will all make mistakes, stumble and sometimes fall. Picking ourselves up, turning away from what tempts us and seeking His refuge is what every Believer in the sacrifice of Christ Jesus should do.

However, the enemy has deceived many into becoming content in their premeditated and perpetual acts of sin. This may be in the areas of how we treat others, sexual immorality, adultery, abuse of substances, a repetitive lying tongue, arrogance, pride and so much more. Everyone of us, including myself have been challenged in all these areas at some point in our lives. When I look back over my own life and think about some of the circumstances I put myself in when I knew better and when I didn’t, again, I am overwhelmed by The goodness and protection of The Lord.

As Christians we fool no one, especially not God, when we make a conscious decision by refusing change. We make excuses telling ourselves that we are only human, God will always forgive me, everyone struggles with something and on and on….
It’s true that God will always forgive us but it is also true that He is well aware of the condition of our hearts and how sincere we are when we repent. He also knows if we are truly finished toying with matters that please our flesh but destroys our spirits within.
 

The RealBoldTruth is that the Grace and Mercy of God runs out! How long that takes is unique for each and every one of us but He will eventually let go and turn us over to our reprobated minds.

 In my experience, He won’t do this without countless warnings first. Most of us know that what we do, especially in secret, grieves Him and is subject to destroy our lives. This can’t be more true relative to those fleshly acts we have been engaging in for years! After a time, we convince ourselves that what we do, we simply can’t stop. That’s a lie from the pit of Hell for Christ laying His life down,spilling His blood and giving up the ghost is all the power we need to put ANYTHING under our feet! God leaves the choice up to us whether we want to go from glory to glory.

If we are repetitively engaged in the same sins today as 10 years ago, we have compromised in that state, it’s become easier for us to stay there, and we are in denial, bondage or both. Deliverance is Necessary before Grace and Mercy ends for us!

There are real consequences to be paid if we refuse change. They include but are not all inclusive to losing our families, losing our health, losing our finances, and losing our lives to premature death.

We can continue to play around with this thing indefinitely, or make the choice to get all that God has for us on this side of Heaven. I don’t know about you but I want all The Lord has for me so crucifying my fleshly desires is how I shall live from this day forward.

Until next time, Happy Sunday!

Soulful Sunday

Soulful Sunday – In God We Trust

As we all know, our country has been faced with dramatic and unpredicted changes recently. It’s unfortunate and distressing when considering the alarming number of crushed hearts of at least half of all Americans. An intense level of betrayal, deceit and devastation concerning the reality of our government system is felt today by hundreds of thousands of people. 

Have our voices been silenced? Do we have a say? Have our concerns been diminished to trivial values amongst those who have never had to be concerned about economic provision, healthcare, workforce security and other means of survivor essentials? These and many more are the questions of the middle class and a percentage of others who feel disrespected by recent outcomes. 

In spite of it all; our perceptions, feelings and personal predictions, we really have no other choice but to make plans to move forward. There is no benefit of remaining stuck and planted in a dead place of division. 

I personally have tried desperately not to speak on this matter after seeing the incredible outpour on the news and on social media. I initially took the position that if I can’t say anything of worth then I must remain silent until wisdom prevails. 

So today I will address the matter indirectly and more so from my spirit. I will share that my greatest concern to date is that our international adversaries are watching, finding humor and pleasure in our partition. They are scrutinizing our conduct closely and have deemed our nation as less powerful than we use to be. In my opinion, if we don’t get a grip we are creating a man-made perfect storm for disaster that we have yet to experience. While our backs are turned pointing fingers, causing riots and hating one another, they plot to scheme and destroy.

My words do indeed mimic those of others who have encouraged our country to come together as a united front in this very hour. We need as many voices of reason as possible. The greatest of these is from The word of God who has not changed His mind or position concerning us, His children.

“In God We Trust” is a more powerful statement today for me personally as a believer. It should be for us all. It’s not just a cliche scribed on our monetary exchange or just something to say because other words are far and few. Our Nation was established on the saying and analyzing what it TRULY means is more critical now than ever before.

It means that if we do not, we will remain devastated, hopeless and face failure in countless areas of our lives. Emptiness will remain:

If your trust is in your job.

If your trust is in your money.

If your trust is in making your own way.

If your trust lies in one man in the Oval Office.
If your trust solely depends on your Pastor, teacher, mentor and others wrapped in human flesh that have been placed on a pedestal only meant for The Lord!

None of these have the ability to affect, change or redirect what was already predestined for your life! 

Developing and being rooted in Trusting a God that we cannot see can be difficult living in the natural. But when the odds are weighed we cannot afford to operate in this realm indefinitely. Focus on the spirit within you to quiet the noise, fuss and opinions you hear in order to elevate that assuring small voice who is sure to remind you, “I’ve got this, STILL!”

Until next time, Happy Sunday!

Inspiration, motivational, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness, Uncategorized

So I Dream

I want to be a New York Times best selling author! Yes that’s what I aspire to be. But how, when and do I even dare to invest in this dream? The vision is big, the order tall, the obstacles great and  the competition many….

 

Yes me; little ole me whose odds in the past have been mostly unfavorable is dreaming; long, hard and consistently as of lates. I’m haunted daily by this fantasy that refuses to go away…
This strong desire comes at a time when life looks so uncertain in the natural and I am unable to see or predict next steps. I’ve completely lost control of the process.  Nothing right now makes sense and I’m extremely uncomfortable. THAT’S REAL TALK!

But my dreams are demanding me to embrace the challenge and see myself out of my current circumstances by taking a chance. Speak those things as though they were, is what my Savior taunts me to do. (Isaiah 55:11, 2nd Corinthians 4:18)

 

I see myself completely exposed to the attention, the life, the perks and the acclaim. I like most of what I am seeing but not really comfortable with others that will naturally come with the territory (pesky paparazzi and the gossip columnists. I could do without all of them!). It all seems so real through the lens of my discerning eye.

Journey with me for a moment; if you will..

I see my name in the papers, the critics praise and critique my work. I am the talk of the town!

My “Pen Name” is scripted on the cover of books; hard, soft and electronic copies. They are published in the U.S.A and abroad; in various languages for all to appreciate.

I am preparing for awards and writing acceptance speeches; and yes, I’m nervous but I can and must do this!

People are throwing honorary gatherings in my name! The parties are simply fabulous and I must get ready!

I’m draped in breath taking gowns meant for a Movie Star. Vera Wang wants me to model her latest design. So does Versace. I’m confused on which to choose. I certainly won’t be going with CHANEL right now for that would  be way too predictable of course! What’s a girl to do? (sigh!)

I’m Living in a “castle like” abode and hire a wonderful chef to prepare my meals.  Lots of veggies and salad please! 

I’m giving back to the very few who cheered me along the way; when I was no one and my voice was silent. I would not be here without them and my gratitude is endless!

 

Yes, I’m Dreaming like I hit the lottery today but the reward comes from the work of my own hands and not by luck of the draw.
My dreams contradict my reality and common experience. For I’m from poverty, neglect, and routinely overlooked in most places I venture.
But recently I read the backgrounds of two authors whom I admire greatly. They both made it to my dream status and they sound like me! In Fact, they were me, long ago until they started to act out on their dreams….

I shall keep hoping, wishing and yearning. My sacrificial work that must be done in conjunction is my act of faith for I too deserve. Yeah, that’s right; with my head held up high I boldly profess, “Why Not Me!”

What about you? What are you longing for? Share and come dream with me!

#Dream #Ibelieveinme  #Dreambig  #Nevergiveup 

Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Relationships, Spiritual Awareness

Love Conditions

Conditional Love

I have lived on this earth long enough and have survived enough trials to confidently declare that the human heart needs what it needs. As a result, and like a wounded child acting out in a tantrum, the heart won’t stop bleeding and crying out until it is fulfilled.   Depending on the situation connected to the yearning, this silent fret may unfortunately be a life- long muted experience for many.

Human beings need to be loved.  I don’t declare this as if it is news but just restating its fact.  But there are different degrees of love that are extended to us that cannot be duplicated by any other source.  The love a child gives its mother is not the same as the love given by her husband.  Just as the love provided by a true friend cannot be substituted by that extended by a parent.  This can be validated when considering a man successful in his trade, wealthy in his accounts, healthy in his status, and plentiful in friends, family and business relationships. He appears to have it all.  But in the midnight hour and when no one is watching he must deal with that hollow area in his heart that desires a companion. Nothing else in his life will satisfy this longing so his heart will bleed.  Or what about that woman who has the most loving husband, the house, the cars, the career and the reputation that most would envy.  Yet her wound is barren and she can’t conceive.  Her longing for a child has been denied so her heart aches and bleeds in the very same way.  There is no substitute that will completely end this painful flow from the heart but the thing it desires; WITH CONDITIONS .  Time can and will be spent attempting to substitute the void but nothing ever truly satisfies.

It has been nearly three weeks since my biological father left this earth.  I am experiencing varying degrees of grief that have surprised me. I resent that I miss what I never had that only he could provide.  There was never any substitute for me.   During my second day out on bereavement leading up to his funeral, I spent several hours alone and I cried out to the Lord probably like I have never.  I asked one question repeatedly, “Why didn’t my father love me?” God responded to me in my dream after crying myself to sleep, “Chanel, he did, just not by your definition.” With the inquisitive mind that I have I had to analyze this answer.  How was I expecting my father to love me?  All I wanted was for him to be Present, to Provide and to Protect. That wasn’t too much to ask or was it? It should have been a natural fraternal instinct but it wasn’t for my father and I didn’t get that.

I put conditions on his love towards me.  As a result I could not see what love he was either able or willing to provide.  I wanted love on my own terms and what he was offering simply wasn’t good enough then and honestly it would not be now if he were still alive.  I am human and that’s Real Talk! Love by his definition did not stop the bleeding of my heart or fill that void only he as a father could.  I felt I deserved more and stopped talking to him for periods at a time as a result.  I have heard my father utter that he loved me many times throughout my life. But since his actions did not line up with my expectations I took his words as lip service and lies.  God showed me on that day that my father was not ever capable of loving me the way that I wanted him to. That’s just not how he was made up. This has been the sole source of discord in our relationship and it took his death for me to finally get clarity. I am forever grateful for the resolve.

Because we are human we have hopes of those significant relationships in our lives. When we get them we have expectations.  We feel that certain people should automatically treat us a in a guaranteed way.   These hopes come with outlined conditions and if we don’t get what we want we will react.

For those empty hearts that may never be filled with what we think we need or want, God is there unconditionally.  He never proposes prerequisites like we do and loves us all the time in spite of our ways.   Hallalujah! That is really good news!  Can you imagine if God loved us in the same fashion as we do others?  The human race would be lost for sure!

Although it is part of the human spirit to long for people to treat and love us in certain ways we need to consider reason and if we are putting unrealistic expectations on what we know is imperfect.  Then give reverence to the all mighty God who is the ultimate definition of Love.  He is really the only one qualified to satisfy those voids we try desperately to fill in our hearts.

Is there someone in your life that you are at odds with because they are not loving you as you wish they would?

If so what is your definition of love and is it reasonable?

Can you still find a way to respect and honor that person regardless?

In your answering of these questions, ask God to help you see these people through his eyes and thank him for loving you just as you are; totally  free of limits ; totally free of conditions.

Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness

The Somebody I am

The great I am

My last blog post spoke on the topic of “Letting Go” of painful relationships endured with relatives.  The example I gave concerned my estranged relationship with my biological father.  Ironically as I was penning the words and undenounced to me, he was dying a horrible and painful death by the destruction of cancer. It metastasized from his stomach, to his liver, to his lungs and ultimately to his brain. I was informed that the morphine stopped working and he experienced agonizing and unfathomable discomfort until his very last breath. He passed away this week. We had not spoken in nearly 4 years…….

I grieve today but not in the way that most would when losing a parent.  Unfortunately I did not know the man.  Alcohol and a chronic gambling addiction that I have seen as a part of his existence for more than 30 years were the primary culprits. We were never able to gain consistent momentum as a healthy father and daughter duo. We had our moments in between his attempts to quit the alcohol at least, but they never lasted long.  I don’t publicize this information in an effort to demoralize his character by far; they are just facts in the way he chose to live his life.

Furthermore as a believer in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I don’t have confidence that my soul will meet his again for I also understand that with great reluctance, he refused with his heart accepting the Lord as his Savior; even on his death bed. For this alone my core is extremely heavy.  For I have not only been robbed of being “Daddy’s Little Girl” in the natural because of his struggles, but spiritually I am also robbed of a possible divine reconciliation. I often wonder what lied behind his obvious deep rooted struggles that would make him be so steadfast against assuring that his soul rested in heaven.

When I consider the traits and generational curses on both sides of my family, they are great in number.  Alcoholism, gambling addictions, drug dependencies, mental illness, poverty, physical, sexual, and criminal offenses are just to name a few.  It is more than enough to question how anything good could come out of such transgressions. For through the years I have even found myself tempted, participating and suffering from a few of the above mentioned…. This is REAL TALK.

What I have found that is even greater is the fight to not allow these curses to overtake my life and continue to affect the generation that God has blessed me to start.  I am now a parent and my greatest apprehension is for any of these issues becoming a part of my Son’s future.  I purpose to give him the childhood and start that I was denied and keep him forever lifted up and covered in prayer.

But back to me, Who am I? This is a question that I have constantly asked myself over the years.  My truth is I am nobody, I am nothing, I am neglected, cast down, rejected, forsaken, unwanted, overlooked and misunderstood……All in the Natural. If any of these descriptions were matters my biological father accepted as his misguided reality without consulting the spirit, it’s no wonder his life ended the way that it did.  I have found that I cannot answer the question of “who I am” nor survive the cards that life has dealt me in the natural.  With gratefulness beyond description I have discovered In the SuperNatural that I am all of the opposite.  I am Loved, accepted, cherished, precious, protected, wanted, regarded, considered and completely comprehended. Had it not been for the sacrifice of Jesus Christ coupled by my belief in what he did is true, my end could certainly look like that of my earthly father.   The curse stops here!

I do thank my biological father for his contribution towards my existence. He is gone now and I remain content that I did all that I could to better our relationship.  I don’t have any regrets just some sorrow that he was never able to see that life could have been lived a completely different way with extraordinary results.

Never-the-less, my Spiritual truth is because of the sacrifices of The Great “I AM”, I survive and overcome the malice of my genetic makeup. I know though HIM and only through HIM that Somebody, I am………….

Inspiration, Relationships, Self Empowerment, Spiritual Awareness

When its time to Let Go

Letting-Go-Quotes-28

Have you ever remained in a toxic relationship because you felt you had to? You knew it was unhealthy.  All the signs were there.  In fact, nearly every time you were in the presence of  a certain person confirmation constantly warned you.  You knew it was unhealthy and more than likely would never improve.  However, the expectations of others coupled by your own guilt and people pleasing ways, you continue to endure.  The hurt, backstabbing, selfishness, conditional love, inconsistencies and lack of give and take; you accept it all, every time. Its all you have ever done and all you have ever known.   You are the only one in the relationship truly trying and all for the sake of what’s expected.  It’s a very heavy facade to bear long term.  Exposed you appear strong, handling it well, smile and laugh on cue because others are certainly watching and judging.  But behind closed doors you cry, ache, pray and long for change.  For waiting for change is easier than considering the inevitable…Letting go.

I think we all experience situations like this at some point in our lives.  Seasonal people come and go whether we release them or they walk away on their own.  Accepting the process is easier with some people than others.  Sometimes we recognize right away the unnecessary chaos a person is causing in our lives.  The “Good Byes and Good Riddance” comes effortlessly.  But what if this painful situation involves a loved one.  A person you are connected to by D.N.A. 1st line blood born relation.  What do you do then?

I have had to withstand this unfortunately a few times in my life. Not because I wanted to but because I had to.  One situation involved my biological father.  A man who walked out of my life as a toddler and remained excessively inconsistent for years.  Out of my desperation of wanting to be “Daddy’s Little Girl” I chased after him in an effort to win his approval, affection and adoration.  This failed pursuit lasted for nearly two decades.  If I did not chase he would not bother.  His words said that he loved me but his actions more than proved otherwise.  Letting go was not easy by far.  I was going to make him love and treat me the way I thought I deserved as his daughter.  That was my will and far from his.  After much hurt, countless tears, severe rejection and lack of support I finally let go.  It wasn’t until my heart lined up with my spirit that peace in the decision took over me. Today, its been nearly 4 years and I continue to experience a calm with this matter that has been priceless.  It is well with my soul for I am certain that I have done all I can. This type of serenity I only wish I had awarded myself in half the time versus 20 years.  But feeling obligated by the urging of others (But That’s Your Father!) and the little wounded girl within me still longing for his approval, I suffered longer than I ever had to.  I pray and wish nothing but the best for my Father, for he has missed out on the ultimate prize; the evolution of ME:-)

Unhealthy relationships can tear down the human spirit and cause one to lose focus on God’s infinite purpose for their life. Along the way depression, self loathing and a crushed esteem can be the ultimate result of staying in unprofitable relationships long term.  We get so stuck on a person’s title in our lives that we feel that we can do nothing but actively deal with it.  Just because someone is your Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Aunt, Uncle or Cousin gives them no right to wreck havoc in your life.  If these people are not working with you to improve the relationship in a give and take fashion a decision needs to be made to let them go.

The only obligation you have is towards yourself.  If you don’t take care of you certainly no one else will.  That’s a stark and painful reality when you consider family members for it is not politically correct to sever a relationship with certain people.  Right? Well I’m no politician by far and dare to go against the grain!

If a person continues to cause you pain, let them go!  if they are not working towards improving themselves or acknowledge their wrong doing in the relationship, let them go!  If they have continuously shown that they are envious, spiteful, un-supportive, critical  and simply don’t have your best interest at heart, LET THEM GO!  This may be scary but depending on the person, this may not be permanent.  Once they see how far away they have pushed you, they may come back around.  But in your letting go, have no expectations for this will only lead to more of a broken heart.

If you are reading this, can relate and are considering a situation like this in your life, ask yourself “What am I truly holding on to?” As painful as it may be, loosen up your grips, close your eyes, open your hands and let go.  Without guilt, without regret, without fear, heal and be free…..

“At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life” – Sandi Lynn

Inspiration, Relationships, Self Empowerment, Spiritual Awareness

Being Mad At God

Mad at God

While checking the activity of one of my social media accounts, I saw an interesting post that stopped me in my tracks.  It solicited responses to a very simple but thought provoking question. It read, “If you had the opportunity to talk to one person who is no longer on this earth, who would that be and what would you say to them?”  This poll obviously caught the attention of many for there were countless replies to the common thread.  The evident was noted as people wrote out their desires to see, touch and feel loved ones who had pass away.  Mothers, fathers, spouses, friends, children and others were a mutual theme.  Yet as I considered the remarks of numerous strangers to this question, I also noted another trendy response.  Many wished they had the change to talk face-to-face with the Heavenly Father and ask him countless “Why” questions.  Why so much poverty?; Why the premature death?; Why did this thing not work out when I tried my best?; Why did you allow the enemy to win in this situation?; WHERE ARE YOU? These common pleas confirmed in my spirit that there are a lot of people Mad at God.

As a believer, I can relate to these sentiments and have no problem admitting so.  Many of us will not.  Giving off the ongoing façade that they remain in the glory, ever believing, faithful and trusting at all times is perceived as the right thing to do as a mature Christian.  Personally I think this mindset is a completely deceiving testament to those who struggle to understand how God operates in our lives.  If we are not REAL about our experiences, (while we are going through them, and not just after the deliverance), we silently give off a false perception about this walk. Who is that really helping?

I am a realist and a very practical thinker.  As a believer, I see strengths and flaws in these personality traits, but they are who I am none-the-less (And God knows this already for I am his child).  As I pen these words, I myself am going through my own state of mixed emotions with God.   There are sets of circumstances going on in my life that I am just not happy with and I wonder where he is and what he is doing in the midst of it all.  Not proud to admit but in my times of frustration, I stop communicating with him for I don’t know what to say.  This is especially true during those times when I think I have heard from him so clearly, walked out in what I thought I heard and then it does not work out.  What now? I certainly don’t want to hear a bunch of Christian Cliché’s, for they are not resourceful. I don’t want to be around a bunch of fake believers who are not honest about “The going through” process either. Who needs that!  My relationship with God is very personal and has similar ups and downs to when I am having a challenge with my spouse, a friend a co-worker or other significant relationships.  The only difference is no matter how indifferent I become, I always end up back on my knees apologizing, asking for forgiveness and falling right back into his arms. The truth is, no matter how mad I get, the act of coming back to him shows I still trust him with my life; for there is nothing else I choose to do.

For those today who are disappointed or angry with God, let me encourage you to not stay there long.  Sort out your feelings, have your spiritual temper tantrum then remember that he is the God that has your best interest at hand (Even when it doesn’t seem like it!)  Although we are made in his image, He does not think like us, he does not move like us, and he certainly does not react like us. Thank Goodness! Could you imagine if he did?  I don’t even want to think about it!!

Some may disagree with me, but I believe that its human nature to be mad and disappointed with God at times.  We are with everything else, so why be phony about this factual position?  We are fooling no one especially not HIM! He knows each and every one of us no matter how perfect we try to present ourselves to others.

My best words of advice on this controversial topic is to tell God how you feel.  In your anger, in your tears in your frustration….Be REAL with him!  He already knows anyway but you will feel so much better when you can get it out in the open with HIM first!  After you have “vented” immediately go into the act of asking for forgiveness, thank him, worship him and tell him that in spite of it all, you still trust him.  REALLY, what else are you going to do that makes sense, is profitable and will restore your sense of peace?

There is a song that I listen to when I am feeling this way.  It’s called “Fragile”. Listen to the words and I am sure you will be able to relate to each and every lyric.  God still has our backs no matter how mad we get or how improbable life seems to become.

Tasha Page-Lockhart – Fragile-   https://youtu.be/UGzjeLFCqCI

Spiritual Awareness

A Meaningful Existence

48273-meaningful-life

I woke up this morning with the emotion of offense rushing through my spirit.  I am not a morning person by nature so this added sensation just agitated my already adverse demeanor.  I couldn’t shake it but I had to keep it under wraps before I geared my feelings towards my precious baby boy.  He is a complete handful in the morning and I often have to concentrate really hard on my reactions while getting him ready.  I don’t want to take my feelings out on him; for what I do daily IS mostly for him.

I am not 100% sure if I feel this way because I despise what I do for a living or I am frustrated with the challenging process of trying to turn what matters to me into something of value.  Maybe its a combination of the two.   This is the primary cause of my nasty disposition. How do I make the transition without suffering lack? I hate to admit that this alone is my greatest apprehension.  Balancing the use of wisdom while resisting fear can be a complex matter at times. This is one of them….

The clock goes off around 5:30 am and I intentionally take my time getting out the door.  If I rush while getting myself and my son together, that added stress would cause responses that I would regret.  I will get there when I get there! I am usually out the door around 7:15 am (or so).  I drop my son off at day-care, travel 60 minutes on the highway to my employer, then work an additional 8.5 hours doing duties that I completely loathe.  One additional hour back home and I have literally traded 10.5 hours of my life for a paycheck.  It sucks!  I mean really sucks!  To add insult to injury, while in the mirror this morning I noticed several new strands of silvery greys that I know were not there a week ago.  I am getting older.  Can’t afford to keep going on like this.  SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE!

I often find myself apologizing to God.  Ungratefulness is not my intent.  I make a very decent salary with excellent benefits.  There are a million people that would love to be in my position.  That’s where my guilt comes in.  I distinctly prayed for this position and now that I have it, I don’t want it.  It doesn’t fulfill my spirit and is far from my life’s greatest work.  I need to do something more meaningful and I hate spending so much of my time so far outside of my purpose.  I am working towards refining my gifts but bearing its fruit is a process; In the meantime I must survive……  This brick wall is the fuel that keeps me going even if my efforts don’t look like they are paying off.  Enough climbing latters and going after that next big position.  I have had enough of the Corporate America games.  I need life on my own terms.

I know that I am not alone.  I extend these sentiments to those who are not simply wishing for change but are operating in faith and working towards the same.  We were not designed to function in uselessness.  Our greatest life work should not be solely for a check.  We should be incorporating our gifts to benefit the lives of others.  That’s why we are here on earth. Until this happens, I am convinced that peace will never soothe the restless soul of the ambitious.

Staying in faith means remaining committed to knowing that God is directing my path.  My efforts are not in vain and while I am doing my part in the natural he is working out my end in the SUPERnatural.  Patience must be practiced along with consistent prayer.  Neither is an option less I’m labeled a hypocrite.

To my Lord: Give me the fortitude to endure while my weary body sacrifice’s time to develop my gifts which you said will make room for me. (Proverbs 18:16) In my waiting, I seek no reward, recognition, or empowerment from none other than you.  This is my fervent prayer.

To my readers: can you relate?  What are you doing today to change your tomorrow?  Whatever it is, don’t lose site in the challenges that will surface during the course.  If you are confident that you are on the right track, join me in minimizing earthly disturbances by keeping your mind on your heavenly father. Any other choice will jeopardize the revelation of true destiny. I think we have delayed matters long enough, it’s time to live a meaningful existence………..