Tag: Inspirational

Soulful Sunday – Seasons of Favor

When I woke up this morning, I felt a sense of gratitude to see yet another dawning but still perplexed that today is the final one of 2017.

This emotion has been rather consistent at the close of the past several years. I simply accredit the feeling to the process of maturity. I no longer take new days, weeks nor years for granted. Rather I embrace them with thanksgiving that My Savior gave me another chance.

I feel a season of favor is at hand. Not just upon my life, but many who will receive and perceive it with the right state of mind.

This “ Favor” I speak about is defined as a wave of blessings expected and unexpected. A massive switch in life’s normal outcomes that keep us at a status quo. An elevation to another level that we once only dreamed of is now becoming a tangible reality!

This is certainly the season I personally believe I am in. What will manifest in 2018 is going to blow me away! I just feel it and God has revealed it! For those reading this who believe the same is true in your own lives, you, I, we, must prepare to embrace this great takeover!

For all others considering these words, “Favor” doesn’t happen for everyone simultaneously. However, it does occur none-the-less if we are accurately positioned. How big that wave of “Favor” comes is strictly up to us individually and is directly connected to how much we believe.

This can’t be done without a level of faith coupled by natural acts we are all responsible for doing in order to bring that “Favor” into our realities. As we move into action, God will move with us operating in those areas that we have no control over. That’s Indeed The Formula For Favor!

If you don’t feel that you are in this season right now, that’s ok. We are not suppose to be at the same time. During these times of stillness we must be very careful not to become envious of others who are experiencing their overflow for they were once in a calm themselves. It’s just their time!

Yours WILL come if you are taking the necessary steps to get there. Until then we are to genuinely celebrate one another at every advance and realize that the spirit of jealousy is a trick from the enemy to cause a divide, distraction and a delay.

Instead of focusing too deeply on another’s progress, take this time to

Restrategize, be supportive, serve others, and seek God for direction on how to advance the agenda He’s called you to. The opportunity is there for us all just at separate times.

As we usher in 2018 in just a few hours, make it a point to get closer to God so that you may find out what your personal “Favor” looks like. Write out the vision, cheer on others then watch “The Suddenly” overtake you at it’s due time!

Until next Time,

Happy Sunday and Happy New Year!

Soulful Sunday – Tempted By Sight!

These last days that we live in have proven to be filled with difficult challenges, great disparity and corrupt with incredible immoralities. It is more critical now than ever for the believing heart to remain tied to The Savior.

He is the ONLY thing that remains consistent, unchanged, refreshing and true. Hope, peace, restoration, healing, abundance and so much more are a guarantee in Our Heavenly Father.

But because we live in flesh and face a spiritual enemy that lives to destroy our connection with God, we are sometimes tempted by the things we see.

I consider myself a strong woman of great faith. Yet, a few weeks ago I was challenged in an area that I allowed to affect me and I became tempted by my sight.

My 6 year old son suffered some symptoms that appeared asthmatic in nature. Neither I nor my husband recognized what he was going through initially. It started with a cough, runny nose and sneezing. Surly this was just a common cold for the whether swiftly changed from warm sunny days to brisk chilly mornings filled with dew in the air. The change was sudden and a bit of a shock for everyone.

Several days went by and my son’s symptoms remained. His cough continued and he told me “Mommy, I can’t do the big breath.” Yet I still didn’t get it and kept providing him treatment for a cold.

After a week, he developed a fever and seemed to be using his entire diaphragm to take simple breaths. His heart was racing uncontrollably and clearly he appeared distressed. That’s when I knew something was terribly wrong. As my husband and I took him to the emergency room, we remained for 5 hours and they could not get his symptoms under control. They admitted him to ICU and there he remained for nearly 2 days.

The enemy messing with my baby was overwhelming! To see him on a breathing machine with IVs in his little arm and not being able to feed or hold him affected me in a way nothing ever could. We watched numbers on him monitors rise and fall. Over 24 hours of unstable readings and no clarity on his condition I allowed my emotions to be toyed with.

My son shedding a river of tears due to being weary, hungry and scared were down right torturous to my very soul. I lingered by feeling absolutely helpless and would take his place if only I could.

There were periods throughout this 72 hour ordeal when my eyes indeed fell off my Savior. I was tempted by what my son was enduring and what I was seeing.

Our Heavenly Father commands us to keep our eyes on Him in every situation that we face. Any other action temps us to be ensnared by the enemy’s tactics. We will certainly begin to worry, doubt, become offended, say the wrong things and react with fear. These emotions are contrary to The Word of God.

The longer we keep our eyes on our circumstances, the longer it takes to be delivered from them all. No one purposely wants to prolong pain so the quicker we adjust our perspectives spiritually, we allow our Savior to go to work on our behalf.

I eventually recognized that the attack on my son was to get me questioning God’s power in my life. I shut him down by putting out a call to some warriors that I knew would stand in the gap with consistent prayer.

Within hours my son began to recover. He was discharged and returned to his normal self within days.

Are you facing a situation today that you keep looking at with your natural eye? If so quickly adjust your understanding and trust God! He is not taking too long neither is He ignoring your cry. This mentality is yet another trick of the enemy to keep you in emotional bondage with what you face.

Fight him by aligning back in faith quickly! You may not be able to do this alone so do what you must to regain your peace, your trust, your prosperity, your sanity and your future. This thing WILL turn around for your good when you no longer allow the enemy to tempt you by sight!

Until Next Time, Happy Sunday!

Soulful Sunday – No Other Way!

I gave my life to Christ at the tender age of 14. At that stage I had experienced some minor challenges in life that felt rather monumental back then. Peer pressures, 1st heart break, fleeting friendships and academic problems. At that time, those issues seemed rather detrimental but then life REALLY began to hit!

As a teenager transitioning into a young adult, I wavered away from my faith quiet a bit. I began to stumble through life; desperately trying to discover who I am, what’s my purpose and where do I truly belong. During times of great frustration in many failed attempts at trying to figure it all out, I would deviate spiritually. Doing my own thing seemed more simple, less pressure, and indeed much easier. That never lasted long! Ultimately, I would return asking myself why do things that are not so pleasing to my Savior feel so darn good? At least initially they did; until I found myself in deep rooted trouble, despair, guilt and shame!

Today as a woman in my 40’s, I no longer suffer with roller coaster of emotions wondering where I belong. I’ve made up in my mind that I am a child of The Most High God and in Him I shall remain.

I’ll spend the rest of my days crucifying my flesh in order to magnify His Name. I’ll forsake the opinion of others and consider only what my Savior says of me. Most other opinions that did not line up with the Word of God have consistently failed me anyway. To this day, God has never!

I’ll speak of His goodness, praise His name and share my testimonies in RealBoldTruth unapologetically! He has been too good to me to live any other way! I’ll allow Him to develop my gifts then use them to win more to the body of Christ, for this is what’s required of me.

I’ve spent enough time on both sides of faith to effectively analyze which life is more beneficial for me. I’m fully persuaded these days to live no other way but in my Heavenly Father.

All else is darkness, confusion, trouble, pain, compromise, wayward thinking, Luke warm, non prosperous, curse inducing and Destiny forsaken.

I’ve lived enough years in all of the above and now consistently want all that God has for me. There truly is no other way!

That may mean I’ll spend the rest of my days fighting my sinful flesh and commanding it to line up with God’s will! It may be difficult but I no longer desire the easy way out! That’s cowardly and will lead to nothing else but what I’ve truly been delivered from. RealBoldTruth!

There’s no turning back for freedom I’ve experienced in Christ in my mind, in my body, in my spirit. That freedom is now evident in my family, in my ministry and everything that God allows me to touch! I can’t turn back now! There’s so much more and I’m finally excited about my life!

When you sit back and consider where you came from and where you are today, are you too convinced that you can’t live no other way but for God?

What stark differences do you see?

What’s your experience and how have those around you changed toward and around you as a result?

The benefits of living my life as a Believer in the Gospel of Jesus Christ has not and will not fail me. It’s the only constant that I’ve ever known. For that reason alone, there’s no other way!

Until next time, Happy Sunday!

Kish Magazine – It’s Your Time!

Happy Wednesday RealBoldTruth Readers!!!

I sincerely pray this day finds you encouraged regardless of what your situation looks like in the natural! God is still alive, able and working matters out on behalf of those who trust and believe!!

Stopping by to share this month’s RealBoldTruth Dreamer’s inspiration posted on Kish Magazine ‘s website. It’s entitled “The Reveal: It’s Your Time!”

This is a very specific prophetic word given to me by someone I highly respect in ministry. God began to expand on it in my spirit and just had to write it down and share!

http://kish-magazine.com/the-reveal-its-your-time/

For those who have been consistently overlooked, this is for you!

Kish Magazine is a Christian publication that features inspirational articles, spotlights testimonies, new authors and so much more! Subscribe today!

You are Such a Weirdo!

 

 

I’m different and I know it.  In personality, conversation, demeanor, sense of humor and overall character.  Yes everyone is different by their own definition, but many can fit effortlessly in common situations when I simply feel completely out of place often times.  This use to bother me for most of my life but now I embrace it for I have learned to see the benefits of my uniqueness!

 

 

As a youngster and into part of my adulthood, I use to think that my personality was seriously flawed. I was mature beyond my years and for other reasons outside of my control.  I felt I belonged more with an older crowd than those of my same or similar age range.  I was drawn to the fact that it seemed that older people knew more.  I could not decipher if that knowing was more beneficial or damaging initially, but I was attracted to their extended experiences none-the-less.  I was often disinterested in what my peer groups found conversationally entertaining most of the time.  This became extremely prevalent for me during my high school years. I remember as a freshman, I stuck out like a sore thumb.  I was quite, a bit odd, guarded and did not fit in easily with any particular group, especially the girls!  I watched countless cliques that were catty, loud, showboats outwardly, unrestrained and full of drama.  That just wasn’t me!  Those were lonely years for me and I remember at times trying to fit in and being tired of my personality appearing strange to most.  I found opportunities to enter into the “Girl’s Club” and would fake being interested in their priorities.  The façade never lasted long.  When conversations became overwhelmingly mindless to me, I would mentally check out and become self-absorbed in my own thoughts.  The countless exchanges would never hold my interest for very long no matter how hard I tried!  Someone in the group would always notice my shift in group engagement because I would be staring off into space somewhere.  I would instantly be put on the spot by at least one in the crowd. Talk about awkward!

 

Once everyone’s attention was on me I could literally hear that Sesame Street Theme song in my mind (One of these kids is doing his own thing; One of these kids is not like the others; One of these kids just doesn’t belong…)  I would shake loose from my trance but knew that I would no longer be invited into the circle. Purposely avoided for being a weirdo!!  I really thought something was terribly wrong with me. Why did I have to be so different and not like everyone else? This identity crisis caused me to suffer from depression and I became extremely introverted as a youngster and into my early adulthood years. Since most of the matters I thought heavily about were not discussed in my peer groups, I would document my feelings by writing. Journals and diaries were often my friends!!

I ultimately gave up trying to fit in.  The effort took too much of my energy and was way too much work! I finally began the process of identifying the value of my distinctiveness in my 30’s. What a relief that was!  I am who I am, take me or leave me!  By the time the next decade of my life came around, this issue was completely obsolete!  There is something about turning 40!  The “I don’t give a Cat’s Meow” switch kicks in full force! Any other opinion besides the Lord my God and those select few who he has sent to love and accept my little quirky ways, are all I will ever need. THAT’S REAL TALK!

 

Truth is; I am Innovative, Creative, Forward Thinking, Driven, a Risk Taker and Challenger of self to knock down obstacles in my life, mind and environment.  My tenacity sometimes even shocks me!  When my mind is set on a matter, watch out world, here I come! I am simply FABULOUS!

 

 

 

I give all credit to this new attitude because I finally have embraced and understand who I am in the sacrifice of Christ Jesus.

A few of my favorite scriptures that remind me there is not a thing wrong with me are:

I am Fearfully and wonderfully made! Psalm 139:14

I am created in the image of God! – Genesis 1:27

I have been called to live an abundant life! – John 10:10

I seek the praises and approval of God, not others!  2nd Corinthians 10:18

Now that I get it and despite the cards life has dealt me, You can’t tell me nothing!!

 

I read an article that I found quite interesting.  The connection between depression and people that are considered “Weird” is no coincidence. It’s the make-up of their creative brains. They don’t walk, talk, operate, rationalize or see the world as the majority.  Therefore depression may become an issue because the struggle to understand why they are so different can bring on feelings of hopelessness.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life/201204/little-weird-prone-depression-blame-your-creative-brain

 

But once we accept who we are as individuals, we can begin to flow continuously in our creative matchlessness. The world is waiting and needs what we have to offer! Not a bad place to be by far, especially if you hook up with like-minded weirdos!

Here is another article that deserves consideration. If you have a gift of writing, then sorry to tell you, but you were born to be weird!

 http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/9-weird-habits-that-famous-writers-formed-write-better.html

 

Do you think you are weird?

If so in what ways?

Have you accepted who you are and tapped into your creative strengths?
If not what are you waiting for? It’s pretty cool to be weird so just get over yourself already!

 

#weirdosrock
Suggested Book Read – 

http://www.amazon.com/WEIRD-Because-Normal-Isnt-Working/dp/031031576X

Hope Remains – 2015 Year-End Blog

Hope

At the start of this year I developed this blog with great anticipation and enthusiasm.  Finally I was brave enough to act out on “The Gift”.  I have procrastinated long enough on what I am sure God has given me.

 

I envisioned at least 20 followers in the first month.  Mostly friends and family for sure.  Then of course would come multiple unique comments that would promote thought provoking conversation.  Of course thereafter I would be presented with an opportunity to be a guest blogger on bigger sites with more traffic. Finally I would finish my manuscript and get prepared for publishing.  But 29 articles later, what I really got was over 1600 website views; most never returned, 700 visitors; again most of them were non-returns as well; and just 18 followers of which only 3 or 4 are actual true readers.

 

These are my stats over the course of 359 days.  Not good or anywhere close to what I was expecting.  I received more “likes” on one of my Facebook posts over this past weekend than I received “Likes” on all of my blog articles combined.  How crushed is my ego!

 

Still the passion remains and I still hear the soft urging of God’s voice followed by inspiration to just write.  Its frustrating, but I will never be able to shake the desire to keep at it.  It’s ingrained in my soul and a permanent fabric of my being.  One day, perhaps in the coming year, a break through will occur.  I remain hopeful…..

 

What I do know for sure is the topics I write about are strong, serious and inspirationally centered. I have painfully become aware that our society wants information in a millisecond and rarely has time for a 10 minute read especially if its faith based.  Quick and fast is how most like it.  Confirmation has been received by way of feedback stating that my writings are too long. Others show actions of quick acknowledgement of my posts on social media followed by no evidence of reading its content.  What an insult; I would rather they not!  Or simply just pure silence from my connected audience. How do I develop and reach a consistent following without compromise?

 

I don’t know the answer right now but I refuse to use my talent to advance the work of the enemy.  Sex, lies, greed and destruction are all subject matters that are already being automatically promoted by more than enough people.  I can’t have those matters being part of my legacy or attached to my name.  So I press forward with renewed vision and extended hope.

 

I shall hold on to my faith that God will show me how to develop a reading audience in numbers and consistency. 2015 did not turn out the way I had hoped and visualized but I won’t abort the vision.  I must endure the the process which sometimes involves failure and setbacks.  Writing is way too intimate to my make up which will never be satisfied on anything else.

 

I walk into 2016 with my head held high and my ear focused on his voice.  My spirit is well endowed with expectancy.  No matter what it looks like in the natural.  The best is yet to come for he has reminded me so.  (Jeremiah 29:11)

Stay tuned…..

 

 

 

 

Not On My Watch

 

The text message both shocked and disturbed me. Not only its content but the person it came from. As I sat at a stop signal after picking up my son from daycare, my phone lit up. I found myself staring at these words “. I would like to speak to you in person or on the phone. It’s about suicide….” For just a moment, I became mentally paralyzed by what I was reading. Initially I didn’t hear my child calling my name to turn on his favorite song nor did I know what color the stop light was now reading. The extended sound of multiple car horns began to ring out in symphony. I had obviously annoyed people behind me because the light was indeed green when I looked up. I returned to existence by throwing my cell phone into the passenger seat, hit the gas pedal forward and reached for the radio dial. I must remain calm….

For the remainder of my ride home I thought about the person whom I’d received the message from. I know her, but I don’t. She hasn’t let me in over the years; and I have tried. I’d taken an interest in wanting to get to know her better for she is a reflection of me 20 years ago. Young, beautiful, intelligent yet awkward, severely misplaced and constantly misunderstood….

As soon as I reached my house and got my son a snack I called this young woman. I reached her voice mail so I left a message. I received this calm and peace that she was physically fine but desperately needed my ear. It was God assuring me not to let my mind run off with the unthinkable simply because she didn’t answer my call. Is she thinking about taking her own life? Is she even capable of such an act? Had life really gotten that bad that she feels this is her only resort? These questions echoed in my mind for the next 2 hour as I got my son settled and handled other routine domestic duties.

By the end of the night my energy level was nearly depleted but I was not going to let the dawn arrive before talking to her. I found a quiet place to have my conversation without forewarning anyone of the situation. This was a precious, private and personal matter that warranted no other intervention but the moving power of the most high.

When I dialed her number she answered on the first couple of rings. After a few minutes of small talk I got right to the matter. What do you have to ask me about suicide? Over the next hour the space I was trying to get to with this young person was made available. She shared with me her deepest pain. Very heavy, very complex very rooted. In her mind permanent rest seemed like her only escape because life just is not getting any better.

I allowed her to spill every account without interruption. For it was evident that she needed it. What she didn’t know, so did I. When I had the chance to speak I shared with her my own painful past which connected the dots she has been having trouble understanding; we have so much in common and are a lot alike. The phone call ended by leading her to the only source that can help her with this battle in her mind; Jesus Christ, The Great I Am. God led me to turn the conversation into a prayer line and that I did. I plead his protection, power and healing all over her life. For she can’t see it now but she’s living her testimony that she must share with others who will soon be facing her same mind set. I urged her to find a reason everyday to keep on going. She is chosen regardless of how displaced she may feel.

After we hung up I texted her a phone number to seek Christian Counseling. Therapy is necessary for the matters she is facing are years in the making and she continues to add weight to those burdens as she experiences new ones. The pressure is becoming to heavy to keep concealed and handle alone.

I learned a couple of lessons after this encounter. One of them confirmed to me that the experienced must help the less than. Maintaining tunnel vision is selfish especially as believers. Our lives are meant to be lived to help others and not just focus on our own agendas. The Movie “War Room”, a Christian film on how to really fight life’s difficulties shows an awesome example of an older woman purposed to help a younger woman. In fact she prayed for the opportunity and for God to send her a specific person. God did just that! When her work was done the Sr. Challenged the Jr. to pay it forward and find someone younger than her to help in the same way. We need more of this for sure today.

The topic of suicide is taboo in our society. We don’t openly speak of it until someone has actually acted out. If you dare mention that you have had the thought you are labeled as weak or suffering from mental illness. I don’t feel that is 100% accurate. I feel it takes an extremely strong and brave person to admit they have been or in fact are there! Life is extremely difficult and when being pressed on every side, waking up and facing the pressures all over again can be more than a challenge. Even The character Job in the bible wished his life to be over when he lost everything that meant anything to him.

Can you admit that you have been where my young friend is? Well I have! If it had not been for the Gospel, I truly would not be here! This is REAL TALK!

If you or someone you know feels like Suicide is the answer, please understand that the difficulties you face are so much bigger than what you can fathom. Your life is about the Will of God and not your own. What you are facing now is your pain to your life’s purpose. You must live it and unfortunately can’t fast forward this part. But stick around to see the goodness of God show himself strong in your life. While you wait, pray, get counseling, find someone who can relate to help pull you through. You will survive this no matter how hard it seems!
As for my friend, I’m committed to being there for her and check in often. I have and I will. She must live and not die, at least not on my watch..

Love Conditions

Conditional Love

I have lived on this earth long enough and have survived enough trials to confidently declare that the human heart needs what it needs. As a result, and like a wounded child acting out in a tantrum, the heart won’t stop bleeding and crying out until it is fulfilled.   Depending on the situation connected to the yearning, this silent fret may unfortunately be a life- long muted experience for many.

Human beings need to be loved.  I don’t declare this as if it is news but just restating its fact.  But there are different degrees of love that are extended to us that cannot be duplicated by any other source.  The love a child gives its mother is not the same as the love given by her husband.  Just as the love provided by a true friend cannot be substituted by that extended by a parent.  This can be validated when considering a man successful in his trade, wealthy in his accounts, healthy in his status, and plentiful in friends, family and business relationships. He appears to have it all.  But in the midnight hour and when no one is watching he must deal with that hollow area in his heart that desires a companion. Nothing else in his life will satisfy this longing so his heart will bleed.  Or what about that woman who has the most loving husband, the house, the cars, the career and the reputation that most would envy.  Yet her wound is barren and she can’t conceive.  Her longing for a child has been denied so her heart aches and bleeds in the very same way.  There is no substitute that will completely end this painful flow from the heart but the thing it desires; WITH CONDITIONS .  Time can and will be spent attempting to substitute the void but nothing ever truly satisfies.

It has been nearly three weeks since my biological father left this earth.  I am experiencing varying degrees of grief that have surprised me. I resent that I miss what I never had that only he could provide.  There was never any substitute for me.   During my second day out on bereavement leading up to his funeral, I spent several hours alone and I cried out to the Lord probably like I have never.  I asked one question repeatedly, “Why didn’t my father love me?” God responded to me in my dream after crying myself to sleep, “Chanel, he did, just not by your definition.” With the inquisitive mind that I have I had to analyze this answer.  How was I expecting my father to love me?  All I wanted was for him to be Present, to Provide and to Protect. That wasn’t too much to ask or was it? It should have been a natural fraternal instinct but it wasn’t for my father and I didn’t get that.

I put conditions on his love towards me.  As a result I could not see what love he was either able or willing to provide.  I wanted love on my own terms and what he was offering simply wasn’t good enough then and honestly it would not be now if he were still alive.  I am human and that’s Real Talk! Love by his definition did not stop the bleeding of my heart or fill that void only he as a father could.  I felt I deserved more and stopped talking to him for periods at a time as a result.  I have heard my father utter that he loved me many times throughout my life. But since his actions did not line up with my expectations I took his words as lip service and lies.  God showed me on that day that my father was not ever capable of loving me the way that I wanted him to. That’s just not how he was made up. This has been the sole source of discord in our relationship and it took his death for me to finally get clarity. I am forever grateful for the resolve.

Because we are human we have hopes of those significant relationships in our lives. When we get them we have expectations.  We feel that certain people should automatically treat us a in a guaranteed way.   These hopes come with outlined conditions and if we don’t get what we want we will react.

For those empty hearts that may never be filled with what we think we need or want, God is there unconditionally.  He never proposes prerequisites like we do and loves us all the time in spite of our ways.   Hallalujah! That is really good news!  Can you imagine if God loved us in the same fashion as we do others?  The human race would be lost for sure!

Although it is part of the human spirit to long for people to treat and love us in certain ways we need to consider reason and if we are putting unrealistic expectations on what we know is imperfect.  Then give reverence to the all mighty God who is the ultimate definition of Love.  He is really the only one qualified to satisfy those voids we try desperately to fill in our hearts.

Is there someone in your life that you are at odds with because they are not loving you as you wish they would?

If so what is your definition of love and is it reasonable?

Can you still find a way to respect and honor that person regardless?

In your answering of these questions, ask God to help you see these people through his eyes and thank him for loving you just as you are; totally  free of limits ; totally free of conditions.

The Somebody I am

The great I am

My last blog post spoke on the topic of “Letting Go” of painful relationships endured with relatives.  The example I gave concerned my estranged relationship with my biological father.  Ironically as I was penning the words and undenounced to me, he was dying a horrible and painful death by the destruction of cancer. It metastasized from his stomach, to his liver, to his lungs and ultimately to his brain. I was informed that the morphine stopped working and he experienced agonizing and unfathomable discomfort until his very last breath. He passed away this week. We had not spoken in nearly 4 years…….

I grieve today but not in the way that most would when losing a parent.  Unfortunately I did not know the man.  Alcohol and a chronic gambling addiction that I have seen as a part of his existence for more than 30 years were the primary culprits. We were never able to gain consistent momentum as a healthy father and daughter duo. We had our moments in between his attempts to quit the alcohol at least, but they never lasted long.  I don’t publicize this information in an effort to demoralize his character by far; they are just facts in the way he chose to live his life.

Furthermore as a believer in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I don’t have confidence that my soul will meet his again for I also understand that with great reluctance, he refused with his heart accepting the Lord as his Savior; even on his death bed. For this alone my core is extremely heavy.  For I have not only been robbed of being “Daddy’s Little Girl” in the natural because of his struggles, but spiritually I am also robbed of a possible divine reconciliation. I often wonder what lied behind his obvious deep rooted struggles that would make him be so steadfast against assuring that his soul rested in heaven.

When I consider the traits and generational curses on both sides of my family, they are great in number.  Alcoholism, gambling addictions, drug dependencies, mental illness, poverty, physical, sexual, and criminal offenses are just to name a few.  It is more than enough to question how anything good could come out of such transgressions. For through the years I have even found myself tempted, participating and suffering from a few of the above mentioned…. This is REAL TALK.

What I have found that is even greater is the fight to not allow these curses to overtake my life and continue to affect the generation that God has blessed me to start.  I am now a parent and my greatest apprehension is for any of these issues becoming a part of my Son’s future.  I purpose to give him the childhood and start that I was denied and keep him forever lifted up and covered in prayer.

But back to me, Who am I? This is a question that I have constantly asked myself over the years.  My truth is I am nobody, I am nothing, I am neglected, cast down, rejected, forsaken, unwanted, overlooked and misunderstood……All in the Natural. If any of these descriptions were matters my biological father accepted as his misguided reality without consulting the spirit, it’s no wonder his life ended the way that it did.  I have found that I cannot answer the question of “who I am” nor survive the cards that life has dealt me in the natural.  With gratefulness beyond description I have discovered In the SuperNatural that I am all of the opposite.  I am Loved, accepted, cherished, precious, protected, wanted, regarded, considered and completely comprehended. Had it not been for the sacrifice of Jesus Christ coupled by my belief in what he did is true, my end could certainly look like that of my earthly father.   The curse stops here!

I do thank my biological father for his contribution towards my existence. He is gone now and I remain content that I did all that I could to better our relationship.  I don’t have any regrets just some sorrow that he was never able to see that life could have been lived a completely different way with extraordinary results.

Never-the-less, my Spiritual truth is because of the sacrifices of The Great “I AM”, I survive and overcome the malice of my genetic makeup. I know though HIM and only through HIM that Somebody, I am………….

When its time to Let Go

Letting-Go-Quotes-28

Have you ever remained in a toxic relationship because you felt you had to? You knew it was unhealthy.  All the signs were there.  In fact, nearly every time you were in the presence of  a certain person confirmation constantly warned you.  You knew it was unhealthy and more than likely would never improve.  However, the expectations of others coupled by your own guilt and people pleasing ways, you continue to endure.  The hurt, backstabbing, selfishness, conditional love, inconsistencies and lack of give and take; you accept it all, every time. Its all you have ever done and all you have ever known.   You are the only one in the relationship truly trying and all for the sake of what’s expected.  It’s a very heavy facade to bear long term.  Exposed you appear strong, handling it well, smile and laugh on cue because others are certainly watching and judging.  But behind closed doors you cry, ache, pray and long for change.  For waiting for change is easier than considering the inevitable…Letting go.

I think we all experience situations like this at some point in our lives.  Seasonal people come and go whether we release them or they walk away on their own.  Accepting the process is easier with some people than others.  Sometimes we recognize right away the unnecessary chaos a person is causing in our lives.  The “Good Byes and Good Riddance” comes effortlessly.  But what if this painful situation involves a loved one.  A person you are connected to by D.N.A. 1st line blood born relation.  What do you do then?

I have had to withstand this unfortunately a few times in my life. Not because I wanted to but because I had to.  One situation involved my biological father.  A man who walked out of my life as a toddler and remained excessively inconsistent for years.  Out of my desperation of wanting to be “Daddy’s Little Girl” I chased after him in an effort to win his approval, affection and adoration.  This failed pursuit lasted for nearly two decades.  If I did not chase he would not bother.  His words said that he loved me but his actions more than proved otherwise.  Letting go was not easy by far.  I was going to make him love and treat me the way I thought I deserved as his daughter.  That was my will and far from his.  After much hurt, countless tears, severe rejection and lack of support I finally let go.  It wasn’t until my heart lined up with my spirit that peace in the decision took over me. Today, its been nearly 4 years and I continue to experience a calm with this matter that has been priceless.  It is well with my soul for I am certain that I have done all I can. This type of serenity I only wish I had awarded myself in half the time versus 20 years.  But feeling obligated by the urging of others (But That’s Your Father!) and the little wounded girl within me still longing for his approval, I suffered longer than I ever had to.  I pray and wish nothing but the best for my Father, for he has missed out on the ultimate prize; the evolution of ME:-)

Unhealthy relationships can tear down the human spirit and cause one to lose focus on God’s infinite purpose for their life. Along the way depression, self loathing and a crushed esteem can be the ultimate result of staying in unprofitable relationships long term.  We get so stuck on a person’s title in our lives that we feel that we can do nothing but actively deal with it.  Just because someone is your Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Aunt, Uncle or Cousin gives them no right to wreck havoc in your life.  If these people are not working with you to improve the relationship in a give and take fashion a decision needs to be made to let them go.

The only obligation you have is towards yourself.  If you don’t take care of you certainly no one else will.  That’s a stark and painful reality when you consider family members for it is not politically correct to sever a relationship with certain people.  Right? Well I’m no politician by far and dare to go against the grain!

If a person continues to cause you pain, let them go!  if they are not working towards improving themselves or acknowledge their wrong doing in the relationship, let them go!  If they have continuously shown that they are envious, spiteful, un-supportive, critical  and simply don’t have your best interest at heart, LET THEM GO!  This may be scary but depending on the person, this may not be permanent.  Once they see how far away they have pushed you, they may come back around.  But in your letting go, have no expectations for this will only lead to more of a broken heart.

If you are reading this, can relate and are considering a situation like this in your life, ask yourself “What am I truly holding on to?” As painful as it may be, loosen up your grips, close your eyes, open your hands and let go.  Without guilt, without regret, without fear, heal and be free…..

“At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life” – Sandi Lynn