Category: Self Empowerment

Inspiration, Live, motivational, reflection, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness, Win

Rear View Mirrors

  

 
I’m a bit annoyed today! PO’ed, disgusted and down right angry. Not at anyone or anything in particular; just the foolishness and stupidity of the spiritual adversary.

  
His tricks and lies have so many bound up that they fail to see that life has so much more to offer. Will you join me and stop wasting so much time entertaining his agenda? He’s doing his job consistently. When will we begin to do ours with that same level of tenacity and more? 

  
I know a mature woman who has endured a great deal of trouble in her youth. For her, these days occurred well over 30 years ago. She’s a believer in the Gospel yet she’s majorly stuck in her past. I don’t talk to her much and frankly I just can’t. Whenever I do she finds a way to bring up her past as if I haven’t heard the story countless times already! She’s wasting her precious later years dwelling on yesterday. She says with her mouth that it’s her testimony but is not using the experience effectively for the good of others. Her actions clearly reflect that she never got over the pain leaving other areas in her life completely unfulfilled. Although I have a level of sympathy for her it does not run deep. She has options but chooses to think the same way, producing the same results while her time is winding down…

  

Does this story sound familiar? Is this someone you know? Is this you? If so, How long will you remain stuck, affected, paralyzed, play the victim, seeking sympathy, operating in jealousy, living in lack, non-prosperous spiritually, physically and mentally?

  

If you are a believer in the gospel of Christ Jesus, His sacrifice, His resurrection and His precious blood, I honestly believe it is an insult to all He has done for us if we CHOOSE to remain defeated! The mentality is indeed a CHOICE! It’s a mindset and no one else can be blamed certainly after a time.

  

He blesses us with a new day, everyday to take steps to walk into our destiny. He won’t affect your free will to remain hopeless but why choose that when he said that He came that we may have life and life more abundantly? (John 10:10)

  

We will always have trouble in this world. (John 16:33) We can’t get away from it! So will you remain ineffective, unproductive, heavy laden, cast down and defeated all the remaining days of your life? That’s exactly what the enemy wants! Stop allowing him to run amuck in your mind! You have the power, authority and dominion to live in abundance! (I’m not speaking of just material things.) Open your mouth, speak those things, get up and fight back! Don’t leave this earth with a gift you never shared, a ministry/business you never birthed, a testimony you never spoke and a destiny you never experienced because you allowed the enemy to win!

You can’t blame anyone else for your current circumstances especially if the offenses occurred 10,20,30 40 or even 50 years ago! 

So you were rejected 

So you were robbed 

So you were molested 

So you got fired 

So you were denied 

So you filed bankruptcy 

So your loved one left you

So you got a bad report from the doctor

So your child disrespected you

So that person you prayed for died anyway

So your life doesn’t look the way you planned it…..

What are you going to do inspite of?? Grieve for a while but NOT indefinitely!!!How long will you remain unproductively stuck???

  

We must Live and not die! (Psalm 118:17) While we still have a chance, another heart beat, another breath, can still walk, can still talk, can still think….. Get Up, shift and make today the beginning of the rest of your life. Just in case you forgot, The Bible declares We Win!!

  

#Destiny #wewin #Jesus

Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness

Hey Boss, I Quit!!

Less than a year ago I was offered what I thought was an opportunity of a life time! A job earning more money than I had ever imagined, the distance was 10 minutes away from my home, and I could even telecommute periodically. It was a promotional opportunity and when I applied I did not think I completely qualified. I took a step out on what I thought was faith. Six interviews with 13 people later I, yes I, was selected as the final candidate!

 

I couldn’t believe it and praised God for the increase! I was really nervous about starting and hoped that I had the ability as a professional to excel in my new role. I had experienced much success in countless others, this one just seemed to make sense as the next career stepping stone on my way to the top.

 

Approximately 7 months later I found myself resigning from the job I thought was going to put my career on the map and I was absolutely devastated! I endured a tremendous set of unusual trials beginning a little more than a month into the position.  Ultimately, I crumbled under the pressure. My health, both physical and mental were being grossly affected. I was disappointed beyond description in myself and thought the enemy had won! Certainly I had failed and now it was over before it truly got started….

 

 

After consulting God about the ordeal, He revealed why I was subjected to such overwhelming insults in my workplace. I learned that I have been incredibly stubborn in my pursuit for success, have been operating in my own self-defined purpose without His consent, and have been grossly neglecting the gifts He has placed in my life. What a tremendous eye opener, harsh reality and a lesson long over due that I had to learn!

 
You see, for years I have been chasing dollars and trading my life in to the highest bidder. This has been because I truly lacked faith in God that He is capable of supplying all my needs which far exceeds monetary provision in a paycheck. Since I have never experienced increase any other way besides earnings from a job, I literally convinced myself that the only way to experience the God of “More Than Enough” (2nd Corinthians 9:8)  was by heavy pursuit of the next big promotion in title, statute and theory. I couldn’t see it any other way but Faith doesn’t operate by what Chanel could SEE! REAL self TALK!

It was clear very early on in my new position that this was not God’s will for my life. But I ignored the signs which were many!!! Initially I chalked up the controversy I was facing as the enemy trying to steal my blessing. I began to pray for my co-workers, leadership and external partners thinking that was the key to turning the fast sinking ship around. My so called spiritual logic was so far from the truth and was my WILL and not the WILL of my Heavenly Father.

 

 

I began seeing my husband, children and friends as thorns in my life because they wanted me after work and I simply could not produce the best me for them because I was stressed and exhausted! That’s when my health became seriously affected.

 

 (Mommy/Daddy, Stop working and come play with me!)

 

After extended time away from my hostile work environment, God showed me that the thorns in my life were really the job! The roses were those significant relationships I was half giving myself too. Repentance was necessary! No job or amount of money is worth their sacrifice nor mine! Never Again!

 

I finally accepted that it wasn’t me, due to the high turn over not only in the role I was in but in the office overall. (They couldn’t keep staff and leadership failed to look in the mirror!) Acceptance did not come easy but it did at a cost!

 

 

Are you holding on to a job that is robbing you from God’s best?  Are you struggling in your level of faith to believe that if you let go of this thing that you think you need that you will suffer lack?

 

This is not for everyone and I am certainly not suggesting or promoting a campaign for people to walk out on their jobs!  All things in due season and with wisdom.  This is the first time I ever walked away from a job without a concrete back up plan.  But I knew without question that I was hearing from the Lord!

 

If your stress level is through the roof resulting in change in temperament, sleep, eating habits and you are struggling to be present for the true important matters in your life, I encourage you to seek God and analyze if you are trying to remain in control because you don’t trust that HE will deliver. (Proverbs 3:5)

 

For me, I have suffered zero lack and have actually experienced abundance beyond my imagination since I let go and truly started trusting God with my provision. My confirmation that this entire things was and is HIM! My faith today is through the roof that as long as I keep my confidence in words, deed and action that my Heavenly Father is taking care of me, I shall never want for nothing! (Philippians 4:19) 

  
#quityourjob  #ihatemyjob  #lovelife  #Godourprovider #Jesus #mypurpose

Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness

You are Such a Weirdo!

 

 

I’m different and I know it.  In personality, conversation, demeanor, sense of humor and overall character.  Yes everyone is different by their own definition, but many can fit effortlessly in common situations when I simply feel completely out of place often times.  This use to bother me for most of my life but now I embrace it for I have learned to see the benefits of my uniqueness!

 

 

As a youngster and into part of my adulthood, I use to think that my personality was seriously flawed. I was mature beyond my years and for other reasons outside of my control.  I felt I belonged more with an older crowd than those of my same or similar age range.  I was drawn to the fact that it seemed that older people knew more.  I could not decipher if that knowing was more beneficial or damaging initially, but I was attracted to their extended experiences none-the-less.  I was often disinterested in what my peer groups found conversationally entertaining most of the time.  This became extremely prevalent for me during my high school years. I remember as a freshman, I stuck out like a sore thumb.  I was quite, a bit odd, guarded and did not fit in easily with any particular group, especially the girls!  I watched countless cliques that were catty, loud, showboats outwardly, unrestrained and full of drama.  That just wasn’t me!  Those were lonely years for me and I remember at times trying to fit in and being tired of my personality appearing strange to most.  I found opportunities to enter into the “Girl’s Club” and would fake being interested in their priorities.  The façade never lasted long.  When conversations became overwhelmingly mindless to me, I would mentally check out and become self-absorbed in my own thoughts.  The countless exchanges would never hold my interest for very long no matter how hard I tried!  Someone in the group would always notice my shift in group engagement because I would be staring off into space somewhere.  I would instantly be put on the spot by at least one in the crowd. Talk about awkward!

 

Once everyone’s attention was on me I could literally hear that Sesame Street Theme song in my mind (One of these kids is doing his own thing; One of these kids is not like the others; One of these kids just doesn’t belong…)  I would shake loose from my trance but knew that I would no longer be invited into the circle. Purposely avoided for being a weirdo!!  I really thought something was terribly wrong with me. Why did I have to be so different and not like everyone else? This identity crisis caused me to suffer from depression and I became extremely introverted as a youngster and into my early adulthood years. Since most of the matters I thought heavily about were not discussed in my peer groups, I would document my feelings by writing. Journals and diaries were often my friends!!

I ultimately gave up trying to fit in.  The effort took too much of my energy and was way too much work! I finally began the process of identifying the value of my distinctiveness in my 30’s. What a relief that was!  I am who I am, take me or leave me!  By the time the next decade of my life came around, this issue was completely obsolete!  There is something about turning 40!  The “I don’t give a Cat’s Meow” switch kicks in full force! Any other opinion besides the Lord my God and those select few who he has sent to love and accept my little quirky ways, are all I will ever need. THAT’S REAL TALK!

 

Truth is; I am Innovative, Creative, Forward Thinking, Driven, a Risk Taker and Challenger of self to knock down obstacles in my life, mind and environment.  My tenacity sometimes even shocks me!  When my mind is set on a matter, watch out world, here I come! I am simply FABULOUS!

 

 

 

I give all credit to this new attitude because I finally have embraced and understand who I am in the sacrifice of Christ Jesus.

A few of my favorite scriptures that remind me there is not a thing wrong with me are:

I am Fearfully and wonderfully made! Psalm 139:14

I am created in the image of God! – Genesis 1:27

I have been called to live an abundant life! – John 10:10

I seek the praises and approval of God, not others!  2nd Corinthians 10:18

Now that I get it and despite the cards life has dealt me, You can’t tell me nothing!!

 

I read an article that I found quite interesting.  The connection between depression and people that are considered “Weird” is no coincidence. It’s the make-up of their creative brains. They don’t walk, talk, operate, rationalize or see the world as the majority.  Therefore depression may become an issue because the struggle to understand why they are so different can bring on feelings of hopelessness.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life/201204/little-weird-prone-depression-blame-your-creative-brain

 

But once we accept who we are as individuals, we can begin to flow continuously in our creative matchlessness. The world is waiting and needs what we have to offer! Not a bad place to be by far, especially if you hook up with like-minded weirdos!

Here is another article that deserves consideration. If you have a gift of writing, then sorry to tell you, but you were born to be weird!

 http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/9-weird-habits-that-famous-writers-formed-write-better.html

 

Do you think you are weird?

If so in what ways?

Have you accepted who you are and tapped into your creative strengths?
If not what are you waiting for? It’s pretty cool to be weird so just get over yourself already!

 

#weirdosrock
Suggested Book Read – 

http://www.amazon.com/WEIRD-Because-Normal-Isnt-Working/dp/031031576X

Inspiration, motivational, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness, Uncategorized

So I Dream

I want to be a New York Times best selling author! Yes that’s what I aspire to be. But how, when and do I even dare to invest in this dream? The vision is big, the order tall, the obstacles great and  the competition many….

 

Yes me; little ole me whose odds in the past have been mostly unfavorable is dreaming; long, hard and consistently as of lates. I’m haunted daily by this fantasy that refuses to go away…
This strong desire comes at a time when life looks so uncertain in the natural and I am unable to see or predict next steps. I’ve completely lost control of the process.  Nothing right now makes sense and I’m extremely uncomfortable. THAT’S REAL TALK!

But my dreams are demanding me to embrace the challenge and see myself out of my current circumstances by taking a chance. Speak those things as though they were, is what my Savior taunts me to do. (Isaiah 55:11, 2nd Corinthians 4:18)

 

I see myself completely exposed to the attention, the life, the perks and the acclaim. I like most of what I am seeing but not really comfortable with others that will naturally come with the territory (pesky paparazzi and the gossip columnists. I could do without all of them!). It all seems so real through the lens of my discerning eye.

Journey with me for a moment; if you will..

I see my name in the papers, the critics praise and critique my work. I am the talk of the town!

My “Pen Name” is scripted on the cover of books; hard, soft and electronic copies. They are published in the U.S.A and abroad; in various languages for all to appreciate.

I am preparing for awards and writing acceptance speeches; and yes, I’m nervous but I can and must do this!

People are throwing honorary gatherings in my name! The parties are simply fabulous and I must get ready!

I’m draped in breath taking gowns meant for a Movie Star. Vera Wang wants me to model her latest design. So does Versace. I’m confused on which to choose. I certainly won’t be going with CHANEL right now for that would  be way too predictable of course! What’s a girl to do? (sigh!)

I’m Living in a “castle like” abode and hire a wonderful chef to prepare my meals.  Lots of veggies and salad please! 

I’m giving back to the very few who cheered me along the way; when I was no one and my voice was silent. I would not be here without them and my gratitude is endless!

 

Yes, I’m Dreaming like I hit the lottery today but the reward comes from the work of my own hands and not by luck of the draw.
My dreams contradict my reality and common experience. For I’m from poverty, neglect, and routinely overlooked in most places I venture.
But recently I read the backgrounds of two authors whom I admire greatly. They both made it to my dream status and they sound like me! In Fact, they were me, long ago until they started to act out on their dreams….

I shall keep hoping, wishing and yearning. My sacrificial work that must be done in conjunction is my act of faith for I too deserve. Yeah, that’s right; with my head held up high I boldly profess, “Why Not Me!”

What about you? What are you longing for? Share and come dream with me!

#Dream #Ibelieveinme  #Dreambig  #Nevergiveup 

Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Relationships, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness

WHERE YOU THINK YOU GOING??

Jesus Take the Wheel

This experience is amazing! The feeling is incredible, it’s peaceful serenity beyond my imagination and a calming I have never known. I don’t want it to ever escape me. So I am holding on with a grasp so strong that I can almost feel the warm sensation of bleeding trickling down my soul. It’s cutting, but I welcome the agony for it really hurts so good.

 

Yet I’m way too vulnerable for complete comfort. I feel naked and exposed; emotionally and spiritually. I’m use to calling my own shots, making my own way and producing my own results. Surrendering my will is the hardest thing I have ever had to do! That’s REAL TALK! Yet at this precise moment in my life, I have no other choice. My health, my sanity, my destiny are all at risk if I keep trying to create my own path which has been leading me absolutely nowhere! That’s the agony and bleeding of it all.

 

 

hamsterwheel

I have talked a good talk and presented myself outwardly as if I’m truly believing. But I confess that I have been a counterfeit. Far from authentic in what I know to be true! My pride has gotten the very best of me and I’m left weak and out of options.

I’m talking about a REAL faith walk. REALLY trusting God with my now and my future. I’ve been delaying my own destiny with my stubbornness and trying to go in the opposite direction of his will for my life. I haven’t trusted that he REALLY is going to do what he said he will.

 

 

Faith Walk

Father God I’m sorry, for my ego has been my drive. I’ve been an Indian giver and playing tug of war with you for too long. I’m letting go and finally surrender my wheel to you….

 

 

Are you trying to make your own way out of fear, being comfortable in routine, lack of patience and not trusting God enough? Having more faith in our own strength than his promises is a sure method to a dead end.

 

 

 

im me i trust

Think about it as I have as you journey through 2016 and make some adjustments. Is it time for you to give up that stressful job that is clearly taking a toll on your health but you fear lacking provision? Is it time to stop procrastinating and start that business but you fear not having resources? Is it time to stop demanding your own way in your relationships because you just have to always be right? Is it time for you to go to the alter and solidify your union according to God’s plan for man and wife but you are fearful because your last ended with divorce? What ever it is that you are trying to keep control of, ask yourself an honest question; is it really working for you?

His best for your life is directly connected to you simply letting go and TRULY letting God….

 

Let Go

 

Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Self Empowerment, Spiritual Awareness

Something New – 2016

 

 

 

Doing-a-new-thing

 

Happy New Year to all my RLRT readers!   I am so excited about this New Year! As many are, I have identified some resolutions and am quickly putting action behind the vision!

 

The Real Life/Real Talk site is going through some changes!  This is a very good thing!  In 2016 the blog site will have:

 

A New Look with user friendly navigation (Published Now~)

 Monthly Video Blogs – (1st will be featured on Jan 5th)

Access to Instagram

Short Power Reads

And More…..

 

God said to write the vision and make it plain. (Habakkuk 2:2)  Sometimes that vision has to be tweaked along the way as we learn from experienced bumps and bruises as we run thereby! That is ok and should be expected as well, as long as the vision is not abandoned!

 

My last blog post of 2015 said to “Stay Tuned”. Well that period was never intended to be a lengthy wait!  God is up to something New this year and my theme will be conforming to his will vs. my own agenda.  Not something easy for me to do but my way just has not been working so time to give it up!

 

God bless you all as you journey into the year and work on your own visions; for this we all must do!

 

 

Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness

Hope Remains – 2015 Year-End Blog

Hope

At the start of this year I developed this blog with great anticipation and enthusiasm.  Finally I was brave enough to act out on “The Gift”.  I have procrastinated long enough on what I am sure God has given me.

 

I envisioned at least 20 followers in the first month.  Mostly friends and family for sure.  Then of course would come multiple unique comments that would promote thought provoking conversation.  Of course thereafter I would be presented with an opportunity to be a guest blogger on bigger sites with more traffic. Finally I would finish my manuscript and get prepared for publishing.  But 29 articles later, what I really got was over 1600 website views; most never returned, 700 visitors; again most of them were non-returns as well; and just 18 followers of which only 3 or 4 are actual true readers.

 

These are my stats over the course of 359 days.  Not good or anywhere close to what I was expecting.  I received more “likes” on one of my Facebook posts over this past weekend than I received “Likes” on all of my blog articles combined.  How crushed is my ego!

 

Still the passion remains and I still hear the soft urging of God’s voice followed by inspiration to just write.  Its frustrating, but I will never be able to shake the desire to keep at it.  It’s ingrained in my soul and a permanent fabric of my being.  One day, perhaps in the coming year, a break through will occur.  I remain hopeful…..

 

What I do know for sure is the topics I write about are strong, serious and inspirationally centered. I have painfully become aware that our society wants information in a millisecond and rarely has time for a 10 minute read especially if its faith based.  Quick and fast is how most like it.  Confirmation has been received by way of feedback stating that my writings are too long. Others show actions of quick acknowledgement of my posts on social media followed by no evidence of reading its content.  What an insult; I would rather they not!  Or simply just pure silence from my connected audience. How do I develop and reach a consistent following without compromise?

 

I don’t know the answer right now but I refuse to use my talent to advance the work of the enemy.  Sex, lies, greed and destruction are all subject matters that are already being automatically promoted by more than enough people.  I can’t have those matters being part of my legacy or attached to my name.  So I press forward with renewed vision and extended hope.

 

I shall hold on to my faith that God will show me how to develop a reading audience in numbers and consistency. 2015 did not turn out the way I had hoped and visualized but I won’t abort the vision.  I must endure the the process which sometimes involves failure and setbacks.  Writing is way too intimate to my make up which will never be satisfied on anything else.

 

I walk into 2016 with my head held high and my ear focused on his voice.  My spirit is well endowed with expectancy.  No matter what it looks like in the natural.  The best is yet to come for he has reminded me so.  (Jeremiah 29:11)

Stay tuned…..

 

 

 

 

Forgiveness, Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Relationships, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness

Forgive God

Several months ago I discovered an extremely disheartening fact about my life. Although I did nothing to contribute to the circumstances, the news left me incredibly disturbed. In digesting what had been shared about how I came to be, my emotions ran extremely wild. At first I was shocked and numb, then I was grateful that I had not heard this years earlier. For my fragile and unstable spirit in my adolescent years could have possibly led me to an untimely grave.
Then I shifted to understanding. I felt a heightened level of empathy for those involved and even hoped one day they will find peace in it all. The news also provided real clarity concerning some difficult questions I have bared about my life for countless years. It all makes sense to me now. Finally I know; But left extremely livid with God…

A blog post I wrote earlier this year was entitled “Being Mad at God” To this day I don’t believe enough people will admit to having these sentiments. I am indeed a believer in the Gospel of Christ but I am also a realist which may not alway be a valuable quality. I feel I am doing my relationship with my Savior an injustice if I don’t remain authentic with my feelings. THAT’S REAL TALK! How else can I move forward?

Two weeks ago I had the privilege of sharing my truth with someone who survived a similar fate in life. This woman is a wise pillar of incredible strength. A nurturing motherly figure she is with a sweet and genuine disposition. She is also extremely no-nonsense when it comes to spiritual warfare. A powerful intercessor in prayer and counsel. I was divinely set up to share my pain with her and I was ready.

“You must Forgive God.”, was part of her advice as she prayed for me. In all of my 42 years on this earth I had never heard of such a thing! I’m already Mad at him which I dare not share with a single soul now I have to forgive him? Who am I to have such audacity? It almost sounded like blasphemy; an insult to the High One who does no wrong, EVER! I was left overwhelming perplexed but intrigued at the same time.

I left my counselor feeling renewed but still confused. How do I begin a process that I can’t even relate feeling worthy of? He’s God and nothing he does or allows is error. ! (All things are working for our good. Romans 8:28) Still I needed to consider if there was any validity to the theory.

After a week of digesting my nearly 3 hour mentoring conversation I finally decided to explore the option. I was still feeling some kind of way towards God. I had to do something. I referenced the Internet and Googled the term “Forgive God”. As I suspected, I received very few hits in return. No one is admitting to my experience nor have they written on the topic. I initially felt awful and nearly chalked this matter up as me simply being immature in my Christian Walk. I just need to grow up once and for all. But then I ran across an article on a credible website. It was just what I needed to read!

My anger with God is due to my hurt feelings. In all honesty, I have felt let down, disappointed, betrayed and ill regarded by the one who created me. How can he allow these things to happen to me if he loves me and is in control of all things?

I must deal with these individual emotions and come to grips that God truly cares about my views. If I don’t, my future and others tied to it are in jeopardy. His perfect will is indeed manifesting in my life and all circumstances had to be, even those I have been grossly offended by.

I am learning that the act of “Forgiving God” is not equivalent to that of Flesh & Blood. Human lives WILL DO wrong requiring forgiveness. But since God NEVER wrongs, addressing forgiveness with him must be approached differently.

The adverse emotions that I feel towards him are what the enemy wants in order for me to stay stuck in self pity. The longer I reside in these emotions the longer I delay my destiny that the pain is a direct part of. Like my counselor, my pain is not about me alone. Others are waiting to be free by my testimony. Just as she did for me I must position myself for those in waiting.

Forgiveness is a process which I am still working through. More prayer scripture and faith in the matter is the only prescription I need to finally heal. I’ve tried, but truth is I simply can’t live without God. There is no other way….

(Cut and paste the below links to access the article and theme song. For those who have discretely dealt with this issue, you will be blessed!)

Article –  Will you forgive God?
http://www.charismamag.com/spirit/spiritual-growth/15336-will-you-forgive-god&ei=hMAdUMeAF8nTyAG_loH4Bg&usg=AFQjCNHVwalZDmXZh_CYjUYXa4KsIw76_g
Theme Song –  There is no way I can live without you.

 

Inspiration, motivational, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness

Not On My Watch

 

The text message both shocked and disturbed me. Not only its content but the person it came from. As I sat at a stop signal after picking up my son from daycare, my phone lit up. I found myself staring at these words “. I would like to speak to you in person or on the phone. It’s about suicide….” For just a moment, I became mentally paralyzed by what I was reading. Initially I didn’t hear my child calling my name to turn on his favorite song nor did I know what color the stop light was now reading. The extended sound of multiple car horns began to ring out in symphony. I had obviously annoyed people behind me because the light was indeed green when I looked up. I returned to existence by throwing my cell phone into the passenger seat, hit the gas pedal forward and reached for the radio dial. I must remain calm….

For the remainder of my ride home I thought about the person whom I’d received the message from. I know her, but I don’t. She hasn’t let me in over the years; and I have tried. I’d taken an interest in wanting to get to know her better for she is a reflection of me 20 years ago. Young, beautiful, intelligent yet awkward, severely misplaced and constantly misunderstood….

As soon as I reached my house and got my son a snack I called this young woman. I reached her voice mail so I left a message. I received this calm and peace that she was physically fine but desperately needed my ear. It was God assuring me not to let my mind run off with the unthinkable simply because she didn’t answer my call. Is she thinking about taking her own life? Is she even capable of such an act? Had life really gotten that bad that she feels this is her only resort? These questions echoed in my mind for the next 2 hour as I got my son settled and handled other routine domestic duties.

By the end of the night my energy level was nearly depleted but I was not going to let the dawn arrive before talking to her. I found a quiet place to have my conversation without forewarning anyone of the situation. This was a precious, private and personal matter that warranted no other intervention but the moving power of the most high.

When I dialed her number she answered on the first couple of rings. After a few minutes of small talk I got right to the matter. What do you have to ask me about suicide? Over the next hour the space I was trying to get to with this young person was made available. She shared with me her deepest pain. Very heavy, very complex very rooted. In her mind permanent rest seemed like her only escape because life just is not getting any better.

I allowed her to spill every account without interruption. For it was evident that she needed it. What she didn’t know, so did I. When I had the chance to speak I shared with her my own painful past which connected the dots she has been having trouble understanding; we have so much in common and are a lot alike. The phone call ended by leading her to the only source that can help her with this battle in her mind; Jesus Christ, The Great I Am. God led me to turn the conversation into a prayer line and that I did. I plead his protection, power and healing all over her life. For she can’t see it now but she’s living her testimony that she must share with others who will soon be facing her same mind set. I urged her to find a reason everyday to keep on going. She is chosen regardless of how displaced she may feel.

After we hung up I texted her a phone number to seek Christian Counseling. Therapy is necessary for the matters she is facing are years in the making and she continues to add weight to those burdens as she experiences new ones. The pressure is becoming to heavy to keep concealed and handle alone.

I learned a couple of lessons after this encounter. One of them confirmed to me that the experienced must help the less than. Maintaining tunnel vision is selfish especially as believers. Our lives are meant to be lived to help others and not just focus on our own agendas. The Movie “War Room”, a Christian film on how to really fight life’s difficulties shows an awesome example of an older woman purposed to help a younger woman. In fact she prayed for the opportunity and for God to send her a specific person. God did just that! When her work was done the Sr. Challenged the Jr. to pay it forward and find someone younger than her to help in the same way. We need more of this for sure today.

The topic of suicide is taboo in our society. We don’t openly speak of it until someone has actually acted out. If you dare mention that you have had the thought you are labeled as weak or suffering from mental illness. I don’t feel that is 100% accurate. I feel it takes an extremely strong and brave person to admit they have been or in fact are there! Life is extremely difficult and when being pressed on every side, waking up and facing the pressures all over again can be more than a challenge. Even The character Job in the bible wished his life to be over when he lost everything that meant anything to him.

Can you admit that you have been where my young friend is? Well I have! If it had not been for the Gospel, I truly would not be here! This is REAL TALK!

If you or someone you know feels like Suicide is the answer, please understand that the difficulties you face are so much bigger than what you can fathom. Your life is about the Will of God and not your own. What you are facing now is your pain to your life’s purpose. You must live it and unfortunately can’t fast forward this part. But stick around to see the goodness of God show himself strong in your life. While you wait, pray, get counseling, find someone who can relate to help pull you through. You will survive this no matter how hard it seems!
As for my friend, I’m committed to being there for her and check in often. I have and I will. She must live and not die, at least not on my watch..

Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness, Uncategorized

Alone in a Crowd

  
I have grown accustomed to my uniqueness. It has taken many years to actually embrace and see the beauty of my individuality. But every now and then the desire to simply want to fit in effortlessly with the majority still emerges from time to time. Like a switch I wish to trade in my difference for the sake of being common and socially acceptable…

Ever heard the term “I feel alone even in a room full of people”? I have actually spent most of my years with this sentiment. I was never the life of the party and often felt awkward trying to fit in when I am forced to. In school, at parties, during gatherings and even sometimes at church. I don’t stand out and people are not naturally drawn to me. I am often overlooked and not the initial choice of most in social settings. It’s like I am invisible. I sometimes wonder what people see when they look at me. Those who venture to get to know me typically find themselves pleasantly surprised, but it won’t happen the first time around….

This by no means bothers me as a mature adult as it once haunted me daily as a youth. I have found a sense of peace through God that there is nothing wrong with me for he has assured that I am wonderfully made. I do know this for sure and am confident in the skin I’m in. I have even discovered advantages to my personality type; it is full of creativity! I am an intense thinker and when I channel those moments that are out of my control of wanting to be excepted, I tap into the gifts that my Heavenly Father has graced upon me. That always works…

Never-the-less in this world in order to reach certain statuses an art of communicating, mingling and winning over people must be developed in order to advance in certain areas. I have learned and trained myself with much force and effort to deny my introverted comfort zone for the sake of getting ahead in education, business and other areas where people skills are essential. As awkward as it has been at times over the years I kind of find it funny when I consider some of those moments where my attempts have failed. My efforts of altering my personality may have come across as disengenuine, trying too hard or just down right weird! Yet no matter how many times I failed at it, I always tried again. For the natural loner, The art can be perfected once you get out of your own head! For the few who have dared to get to really know me will read this and find these words none applicable to my persona. That is only because they have given the person I really am a chance. I’m thankful for those few. 

Forcing yourself to be someone you are naturally not is terribly exhausting at times. I can put on the facade for a while then after that I must stop the act and retreat before the real me shows up. Talk about weird!! As I pen these words I am out of town on a company trip. Business meetings by day and group dinners by night with corporate lawyers, paralegals, compliance officers and big time executives. The conference room is crowded yet I feel alone but am supposedly “One of them”. That is only true in title but not theory. I don’t fit in! Trying to mingle during breaks feels forced, awkward and down right uncomfortable. I must try because my boss and boss’s boss are watching. I gauge in succeeding at holding small talk with a few in short spurts but that’s about it. My efforts will have to be good enough. It’s all I can do for I’m not holding any one person’s attention long enough for them to want or come back for more. 

Dinner time comes and the business facade continues. Instead of wondering why I can’t fit in which I have been doing for hours I look around at others and find I am not the only one. There are several struggling to engage in conversation they can hold continuously with others. In this uncomfortable reality I feel comfort that I am really not alone in the struggle.

Can you relate to this? I think every one in life has had a similar moment. For some it’s a way of existence. In your singled-outness the next time you find yourself in a crowd but feel alone, instead of getting down about why you don’t fit in and you can’t leave, mentally escape to that place that stirs your creativity. Take a note or capture a thought and hold it until you can get back to your comfort zone to expand on it. If that does not work, look around the room more closely. Everybody there IS NOT as comfortable as they may pretend to be. I guarantee you will find at least one other person either struggling to fit in or has given up all together by sitting alone playing on their cell phone.

Social acceptance is necessary but should not be burdensome. If you are a loner don’t be jealous of another who appears to be a people magnet. That’s their gift. Re-Channel that energy and find out what you have to offer. Endure the odd moments; for we all must. They will come and go. But most importantly know you are not as weird as you think you are. You’re really not! For it is written, You too are fearfully and Wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)