Category: Self Empowerment

Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness

The Somebody I am

The great I am

My last blog post spoke on the topic of “Letting Go” of painful relationships endured with relatives.  The example I gave concerned my estranged relationship with my biological father.  Ironically as I was penning the words and undenounced to me, he was dying a horrible and painful death by the destruction of cancer. It metastasized from his stomach, to his liver, to his lungs and ultimately to his brain. I was informed that the morphine stopped working and he experienced agonizing and unfathomable discomfort until his very last breath. He passed away this week. We had not spoken in nearly 4 years…….

I grieve today but not in the way that most would when losing a parent.  Unfortunately I did not know the man.  Alcohol and a chronic gambling addiction that I have seen as a part of his existence for more than 30 years were the primary culprits. We were never able to gain consistent momentum as a healthy father and daughter duo. We had our moments in between his attempts to quit the alcohol at least, but they never lasted long.  I don’t publicize this information in an effort to demoralize his character by far; they are just facts in the way he chose to live his life.

Furthermore as a believer in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I don’t have confidence that my soul will meet his again for I also understand that with great reluctance, he refused with his heart accepting the Lord as his Savior; even on his death bed. For this alone my core is extremely heavy.  For I have not only been robbed of being “Daddy’s Little Girl” in the natural because of his struggles, but spiritually I am also robbed of a possible divine reconciliation. I often wonder what lied behind his obvious deep rooted struggles that would make him be so steadfast against assuring that his soul rested in heaven.

When I consider the traits and generational curses on both sides of my family, they are great in number.  Alcoholism, gambling addictions, drug dependencies, mental illness, poverty, physical, sexual, and criminal offenses are just to name a few.  It is more than enough to question how anything good could come out of such transgressions. For through the years I have even found myself tempted, participating and suffering from a few of the above mentioned…. This is REAL TALK.

What I have found that is even greater is the fight to not allow these curses to overtake my life and continue to affect the generation that God has blessed me to start.  I am now a parent and my greatest apprehension is for any of these issues becoming a part of my Son’s future.  I purpose to give him the childhood and start that I was denied and keep him forever lifted up and covered in prayer.

But back to me, Who am I? This is a question that I have constantly asked myself over the years.  My truth is I am nobody, I am nothing, I am neglected, cast down, rejected, forsaken, unwanted, overlooked and misunderstood……All in the Natural. If any of these descriptions were matters my biological father accepted as his misguided reality without consulting the spirit, it’s no wonder his life ended the way that it did.  I have found that I cannot answer the question of “who I am” nor survive the cards that life has dealt me in the natural.  With gratefulness beyond description I have discovered In the SuperNatural that I am all of the opposite.  I am Loved, accepted, cherished, precious, protected, wanted, regarded, considered and completely comprehended. Had it not been for the sacrifice of Jesus Christ coupled by my belief in what he did is true, my end could certainly look like that of my earthly father.   The curse stops here!

I do thank my biological father for his contribution towards my existence. He is gone now and I remain content that I did all that I could to better our relationship.  I don’t have any regrets just some sorrow that he was never able to see that life could have been lived a completely different way with extraordinary results.

Never-the-less, my Spiritual truth is because of the sacrifices of The Great “I AM”, I survive and overcome the malice of my genetic makeup. I know though HIM and only through HIM that Somebody, I am………….

Inspiration, Relationships, Self Empowerment, Spiritual Awareness

When its time to Let Go

Letting-Go-Quotes-28

Have you ever remained in a toxic relationship because you felt you had to? You knew it was unhealthy.  All the signs were there.  In fact, nearly every time you were in the presence of  a certain person confirmation constantly warned you.  You knew it was unhealthy and more than likely would never improve.  However, the expectations of others coupled by your own guilt and people pleasing ways, you continue to endure.  The hurt, backstabbing, selfishness, conditional love, inconsistencies and lack of give and take; you accept it all, every time. Its all you have ever done and all you have ever known.   You are the only one in the relationship truly trying and all for the sake of what’s expected.  It’s a very heavy facade to bear long term.  Exposed you appear strong, handling it well, smile and laugh on cue because others are certainly watching and judging.  But behind closed doors you cry, ache, pray and long for change.  For waiting for change is easier than considering the inevitable…Letting go.

I think we all experience situations like this at some point in our lives.  Seasonal people come and go whether we release them or they walk away on their own.  Accepting the process is easier with some people than others.  Sometimes we recognize right away the unnecessary chaos a person is causing in our lives.  The “Good Byes and Good Riddance” comes effortlessly.  But what if this painful situation involves a loved one.  A person you are connected to by D.N.A. 1st line blood born relation.  What do you do then?

I have had to withstand this unfortunately a few times in my life. Not because I wanted to but because I had to.  One situation involved my biological father.  A man who walked out of my life as a toddler and remained excessively inconsistent for years.  Out of my desperation of wanting to be “Daddy’s Little Girl” I chased after him in an effort to win his approval, affection and adoration.  This failed pursuit lasted for nearly two decades.  If I did not chase he would not bother.  His words said that he loved me but his actions more than proved otherwise.  Letting go was not easy by far.  I was going to make him love and treat me the way I thought I deserved as his daughter.  That was my will and far from his.  After much hurt, countless tears, severe rejection and lack of support I finally let go.  It wasn’t until my heart lined up with my spirit that peace in the decision took over me. Today, its been nearly 4 years and I continue to experience a calm with this matter that has been priceless.  It is well with my soul for I am certain that I have done all I can. This type of serenity I only wish I had awarded myself in half the time versus 20 years.  But feeling obligated by the urging of others (But That’s Your Father!) and the little wounded girl within me still longing for his approval, I suffered longer than I ever had to.  I pray and wish nothing but the best for my Father, for he has missed out on the ultimate prize; the evolution of ME:-)

Unhealthy relationships can tear down the human spirit and cause one to lose focus on God’s infinite purpose for their life. Along the way depression, self loathing and a crushed esteem can be the ultimate result of staying in unprofitable relationships long term.  We get so stuck on a person’s title in our lives that we feel that we can do nothing but actively deal with it.  Just because someone is your Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Aunt, Uncle or Cousin gives them no right to wreck havoc in your life.  If these people are not working with you to improve the relationship in a give and take fashion a decision needs to be made to let them go.

The only obligation you have is towards yourself.  If you don’t take care of you certainly no one else will.  That’s a stark and painful reality when you consider family members for it is not politically correct to sever a relationship with certain people.  Right? Well I’m no politician by far and dare to go against the grain!

If a person continues to cause you pain, let them go!  if they are not working towards improving themselves or acknowledge their wrong doing in the relationship, let them go!  If they have continuously shown that they are envious, spiteful, un-supportive, critical  and simply don’t have your best interest at heart, LET THEM GO!  This may be scary but depending on the person, this may not be permanent.  Once they see how far away they have pushed you, they may come back around.  But in your letting go, have no expectations for this will only lead to more of a broken heart.

If you are reading this, can relate and are considering a situation like this in your life, ask yourself “What am I truly holding on to?” As painful as it may be, loosen up your grips, close your eyes, open your hands and let go.  Without guilt, without regret, without fear, heal and be free…..

“At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life” – Sandi Lynn

Inspiration, Relationships, Self Empowerment, Spiritual Awareness

Being Mad At God

Mad at God

While checking the activity of one of my social media accounts, I saw an interesting post that stopped me in my tracks.  It solicited responses to a very simple but thought provoking question. It read, “If you had the opportunity to talk to one person who is no longer on this earth, who would that be and what would you say to them?”  This poll obviously caught the attention of many for there were countless replies to the common thread.  The evident was noted as people wrote out their desires to see, touch and feel loved ones who had pass away.  Mothers, fathers, spouses, friends, children and others were a mutual theme.  Yet as I considered the remarks of numerous strangers to this question, I also noted another trendy response.  Many wished they had the change to talk face-to-face with the Heavenly Father and ask him countless “Why” questions.  Why so much poverty?; Why the premature death?; Why did this thing not work out when I tried my best?; Why did you allow the enemy to win in this situation?; WHERE ARE YOU? These common pleas confirmed in my spirit that there are a lot of people Mad at God.

As a believer, I can relate to these sentiments and have no problem admitting so.  Many of us will not.  Giving off the ongoing façade that they remain in the glory, ever believing, faithful and trusting at all times is perceived as the right thing to do as a mature Christian.  Personally I think this mindset is a completely deceiving testament to those who struggle to understand how God operates in our lives.  If we are not REAL about our experiences, (while we are going through them, and not just after the deliverance), we silently give off a false perception about this walk. Who is that really helping?

I am a realist and a very practical thinker.  As a believer, I see strengths and flaws in these personality traits, but they are who I am none-the-less (And God knows this already for I am his child).  As I pen these words, I myself am going through my own state of mixed emotions with God.   There are sets of circumstances going on in my life that I am just not happy with and I wonder where he is and what he is doing in the midst of it all.  Not proud to admit but in my times of frustration, I stop communicating with him for I don’t know what to say.  This is especially true during those times when I think I have heard from him so clearly, walked out in what I thought I heard and then it does not work out.  What now? I certainly don’t want to hear a bunch of Christian Cliché’s, for they are not resourceful. I don’t want to be around a bunch of fake believers who are not honest about “The going through” process either. Who needs that!  My relationship with God is very personal and has similar ups and downs to when I am having a challenge with my spouse, a friend a co-worker or other significant relationships.  The only difference is no matter how indifferent I become, I always end up back on my knees apologizing, asking for forgiveness and falling right back into his arms. The truth is, no matter how mad I get, the act of coming back to him shows I still trust him with my life; for there is nothing else I choose to do.

For those today who are disappointed or angry with God, let me encourage you to not stay there long.  Sort out your feelings, have your spiritual temper tantrum then remember that he is the God that has your best interest at hand (Even when it doesn’t seem like it!)  Although we are made in his image, He does not think like us, he does not move like us, and he certainly does not react like us. Thank Goodness! Could you imagine if he did?  I don’t even want to think about it!!

Some may disagree with me, but I believe that its human nature to be mad and disappointed with God at times.  We are with everything else, so why be phony about this factual position?  We are fooling no one especially not HIM! He knows each and every one of us no matter how perfect we try to present ourselves to others.

My best words of advice on this controversial topic is to tell God how you feel.  In your anger, in your tears in your frustration….Be REAL with him!  He already knows anyway but you will feel so much better when you can get it out in the open with HIM first!  After you have “vented” immediately go into the act of asking for forgiveness, thank him, worship him and tell him that in spite of it all, you still trust him.  REALLY, what else are you going to do that makes sense, is profitable and will restore your sense of peace?

There is a song that I listen to when I am feeling this way.  It’s called “Fragile”. Listen to the words and I am sure you will be able to relate to each and every lyric.  God still has our backs no matter how mad we get or how improbable life seems to become.

Tasha Page-Lockhart – Fragile-   https://youtu.be/UGzjeLFCqCI

Self Empowerment

Failing Forward

Failure

So that thing you thought was a game changer didn’t quite work out the way you had hoped, planned and prayed.  That relationship, that job, that business venture, that spontaneous move, or that new thing you just felt so confident would alter your life for the better.  Now it has fizzled, fallen completely apart leaving you feeling like a failure.  You have come to the harsh reality that salvaging is by no means possible.  What remains are not fragmented pieces but fine sprinkles of dust far beyond reconstruction.  No matter how many times you play your steps over and over again in your mind, your ego remains crushed, your heart broken, your esteem scarred, and your mind constantly wondering what exactly went wrong.  What to do now in the midst of your devastation?

I’m inspired to write about this because I am going through a situation like this right now.  I had no doubt that this thing was for me and me for it.  I asked, I prayed, I believed and I received!  But still I failed! Natural human instincts was to self-examine.  What did I do wrong in the process?  I found many faults that I would not have recognized before-hand until I fell flat on my face.  I did not take these as lessons initially but saw myself as a complete failure for I have never been at this place before and was completely baffled.  When I came too and realized that this mindset was not going to be healthy for the long term for myself, nor my family, I went into regroup mode.  What do I REALLY do next?

Prayer: As a believer, the first step should always be to pray especially if you really don’t know what to do going forward.  I must admit that I did NOT do this initially and paid the price for not submitting all things to the one who has it all under control to begin with!  I paid the ultimate price in my mind.  No one to blame but me for I know better!  So completely thankful for unconditional love in my savior, husband and children.  I don’t know how they put up with me at times for real!!!

Reassess the Situation:  Failure is not all bad!  They are lessons to refine, shape, and improve our character.  This only happens if we don’t keep making the same mistakes and learn from the initial mishaps.  As much as I hate admitting this, failure is truly part of the formula for achievement.  Not a new revelation by far, but rather a stark reminder!  Embrace the lessons and keep them in your FRONT pocket when faced with yet another forward moving opportunity.  They will always present themselves as long as your eyes are open to recognize them.

Forgive Yourself:  This was a challenge for I am usually very hard on myself.  (Proud Petunia what they call me!) I want to succeed and be the best at all efforts put forward especially when I am in full motivation gear.  When things don’t work out I come down tough on myself.  Yeah, I might need a little kick in the pants but sometimes I smash my own face in the dirt when I am already down for way too long.  Can you relate?  Truth is, the longer I am down and blinded by the muck, I can’t see my way forward.  I’m so over it, NEXT!

Change Your Attitude:  Another chance will come so stay encouraged and watchful.  I am in my “meantime” and waiting.  Taking advantage of this “Down” period is key.  Dusting myself off by getting my psyche in order, mentally spiritually and emotionally is a precondition.  I will be ready for the next break and have my “Lessons Learned” notes handy for reference.  I am still the blessed bomb if you haven’t already heard!  Aren’t you?

Help Someone Else:  While I am waiting I am taking advantage of times to help other people who are struggling in areas that I have had success in.  I had an opportunity to do this twice last week and found that this is a great recipe for my little damaged ego!  Most importantly, edifying is necessary as a believer!  All things work together………

What failed thing are you beating yourself up about that you need to look at differently?  Find the opportunities in those misfortunes and take the recommended steps above with me. (Preferably In Order!)  You will look back and find the necessary beauty in Failing Forward.

Self Empowerment

Challenge Yourself; Stay Turned Up!

Turn down for what

So we are quickly approaching the month of March. Its last week marks the close of the 1st quarter of 2015.  3 months, 12 weeks and 89 days to be exact.  Reminiscing back to when the clock struck in a new year, I can only imagine how many resolutions and promises were made to get focused on fresh agendas.  By this time, many are beginning to feel the faint sense of slowing down, procrastination, and wondering if the journey is worth it in the first place.  I relate with those sentiments to the fullest!

One of my self-commitments this year was to finally focus on my writing.  I believe it is a natural God given gift.   However, I lacked confidence for years and stuck in wondering if I am “Good enough.” So 2015 comes in and I finally get the gull to take a chance on me; what do I have to lose?  My friends, family and associates have all told me that I have it so why not give it a go!  They have my back and are my initial fan base.  They will hold me accountable if I try to give up, Right?; WRONG!!!!

It has been 1 month and 12 days since I launched my blog; my big debut of Chanel’s courage to share her talent with the world. I chose to launch on my Birthday as an extra gift to myself. I was super excited about taking a chance on the new me!   Surely I would have double digit followers within the first few weeks; At least 20, right?; Another WRONG. I have 9 to date after 43 days.

My initial reaction was major discouragement.  Out of nearly 300 contacts on social media 9 signed up and this is after I asked twice to perform a 30 second task.  Refusing to ask again, I was forced to think and research different ways to promote my writing. This is not going to be easy but I have declared its worth it…..

When I consider the recent popular song entitled “Turn Down For What?” by DJ Snake and Lil Jon, it exudes excitement and energy that seems to never end.  It’s infectious and contagious! When you add others in the mix of the hype, it’s much easier to remain on a focused high than going at it alone. People influence people; but what if it’s just you; then what?

Maybe you have made resolutions of your own and have already faced lack of support with that weight loss goal, returning back to school, finding a new job, going from permed to natural hair, starting that business, or some other adventurous thing that you felt would be a turning point in your life.  When you started off you just knew that certain people would be there but they are not.

I have come to the following conclusion and encourage anyone who is taking a step towards birthing something new to join me in doing the same:

Deal with the offense! Being offended is a negative and sometime petty emotion.  It is also a trick often used by the enemy to stop us from moving forward.  Consider these reasons why family, friends, associates or even your spouse are not showing as much support as they claimed they would:

  1. People are really busy themselves. They may temporarily be absorbed in pressing life issues that are taking precedence in their own lives right now. Don’t give up on this group, they may eventually become your biggest fans once their own smoke clears!
  2. Have you pitched too many new ventures in a short period of time? If this is the case, for those who know you, it’s going to take some time for you to show that you are committed to your new plans and show results.  Once you do, your fan base will expand instantly. Take this time to Show and Prove!
  3. How do people in your circle think? Are you connected with a greater percentage that don’t put emphasis on what you are interested in? Are they just existing from day to day and don’t have anything going on of their own?  Love them but find a way to even out your crowd. Doers are better than Sayers any day!

Ok all of this has been considered and makes sense. Now you may be wondering what’s next? Here are some tips that I am following:

  1. Network – Identify with like-minded people and build on those relationships.  They may be strangers but those who don’t know you will get the initial impression that you are a go-getter.  Search for social groups, your church and use the internet. (One of my biggest networking tools!)
  2. Stay Focused By Any Means Necessary – Stay turned up! Have your own hype party but don’t quit; it should never be an option!  Remember the excitement you had when you first started and find a way to keep that ignited.  I use motivational quotes, prayer, audio books and music to stay centered.
  3. Picture Completion – What do you look like at the end of this thing? See it before you get there and dreaming about that vision should help you to not drift backwards.  You can’t embrace what’s ahead if you keep going in the opposite direction!  You already know that outcome so stay doing something different by moving ahead with or without people!

I will take my own advice and put it into practice daily.  For I know the danger of getting to month number 6 of a New Year. This is when most resolutions are completely abandoned and buried.  Don’t want to become a part of that statistic and get back into a vicious cycle and making more promises to myself at the beginning of 2016. I hate starting over!!!

Like the saying goes, I will dance like no one is watching; or rather in this case, I will write as if the entire world is reading…….. #Ibelieveinme

Self Empowerment

4 Ways To Acquire a Mentor

Mentor

I don’t like brick walls or plexi-glass ceilings. In fact, I resent them.  I know those are strong sentiments but dead ends represent limitations in my mind.  When I hit one in my career, valued relationships, or spirituality, I don’t accept with ease that this is it.  I can come to terms with the end of a thing with factual proof that it’s over; but if there is even a smidgen of hope or proof that matters can be conquered; I’m finding a way to bust through; No question!

Often times in order to make upward progress, I must consult others who have been there and done that!  These consults I refer to as my mentors whether they know it or not.  Mentors are essential for advancement in business and personal matters.  I would not be where I am today had it not been for the act of reaching out to get advice from people who know more than I do.  I have mentors for every facet of my life. My career and spiritual mentors have changed the way I originally accepted myself in various situations. They have challenged me to move beyond my current circumstance and give practical advice on the steps I should take to move forward.

Seeking the advice of a mentor is just simply smart. No one can get to the top or pull themselves out of a ditch alone.  The most influential and business savvy people have and retain mentors through their every advancement.  Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft is mentored by Warren Buffet, one of the wealthiest American Business Tycoons. Oprah Winfrey named The Late Maya Angelou, nationally recognized Poet and Author, as her mentor. Finally the Late Steve Jobs, founder of Apple was mentored by Robert Friedland, International Financier.  It is undeniable that when considering these pairs, nothing but perpetual success has been the ultimate result.

The right mentors have the ability to:

  • Help you get started or unstuck

  • Provide Advice on successes as well as failures

  • Lead you In the right direction

  • Hold you accountable

  • Expose you to resources you may not be able to obtain on your own

So you may ask yourself, well how do I find a mentor?  Glad you asked!  I don’t have a Warren Buffet or Maya Angelou to offer but I have used the following as practical resources to propel forward.

1. Consider your current circle.  These are people you work with, friends, associates or maybe those at your local church.  It is highly likely that you know someone who knows someone that has experience in what you are struggling with or what you want to accomplish.  Don’t be prideful or make assumptions that people don’t want to be bothered. Ask!  From a spiritual perspective, I have mentors at my church who I can call on when I need advice.  They have been instrumental in helping me regain focus on challenging matters that I have faced.

2. Buy One!  The wealth of knowledge from those who are experienced may sometimes come with a fee but the investment could very well be worth it.  Several years ago I made a $600.00 investment with a career coach who mentored me for 3 months.  The return I received was nearly a 27% increase in my annual salary or $20,000!  Not a bad return if I do say so myself! That was the largest raise I had ever received at one time and I did not wait for an annual review to get it.  I positioned myself to receive it through mentoring.

3. Research! – Seek and you will find! We are really fortunate to live in times where we have a world full of information at our fingertips by way of the World Wide Web!  Google search mentorship topics.  Purchase books, take classes, go to a conference or seminar that addresses your interest.  They are all over the place! At this phase in my life I am obsessed with the teachings of Napoleon Hill. He is the profound author of the number one best seller “Think and Grow Rich.” Although he passed away 3 years before I was even born, I want to read everything this man has ever penned.  His teachings have changed my life and I am forever grateful for his legacy! Many of his teachings can be found free on YouTube!

4. Self-Identify! – Categorize yourself with a person that you wish to be like or admire.  This person should be sought if they are dead or alive! (Again Use the Internet!) Find out as much about them as you can.  Read about their life, their successes and failures.  Find out what challenges they faced as they moved towards what you want to accomplish.   Since I desire to become a published author one day, The Great Alice M. Walker, world acclaimed author of “The Color Purple”, is my mentor and she doesn’t even know it!  Her journey is amazing and worthy of recognition and praise.

I have had to use a combination of these suggestions as mentorship tools during various aspects of my life. I suspect that I will continue to do so indefinitely or at least until I fulfill my dreams.  They work!  Mentorship may not be easy to find or come in the common forms that many expect (Mother, father, teacher, or neighbor); but being creative in landing one by considering this advice can still yield great results! Don’t let another door slam in your face without seeking counsel through mentorship.  It’s essential and not an option relative to your breakthrough.

Keep me posted on your journey!

For more about the importance of mentors, consider this article:

http://www.forbes.com/sites/sujanpatel/2014/11/12/why-every-entrepreneur-needs-a-mentor/

Self Empowerment

Black History Month Tribute – Alice M. Walker

Alice Walker III

 

In observation of Black History month, I must dedicate my 1st February blog post to someone of great integrity. The timing could not be any better for me as an aspiring author.  Last week, I accepted a challenge extended by one of my virtual mentors. I am to identify a person that has experienced and established great success in the passion that I am pursuing.  Furthermore I am to absorb facts about this person and see myself in their position.  Successful, proven, respected and sought after by the masses.  I must also consider the struggle, lessons and tireless efforts it took them to get to where they are. The challenge further encouraged me to get a picture of this person and place it in areas that I will reference daily as a point of focus.  In the event that discouragement invades my spirit along my journey, the picture of my inspirer will speak to me. Like a mother wooing her baby to take her first steps…. Come to me; One foot in front of the other; You can do it; Don’t get frustrated, Keep on trying, Get back up when you fall and start again, but never ever quit…

This person for me is none other than the notable Alice Malsenior Walker.  Born February 9, 1944, the world best knows her as the Author of the controversial fictional novel entitled “The Color Purple” published in 1982. The story depicts an African-American woman who suffered terrible physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her father then her husband. As a result of years of abuse and low self-esteem, the woman finally breaks free and reclaims her life and identity. This labor of love won Walker the 1983 Pulitzer Prize in the fiction category. There are only 13 of these prizes awarded annually for literature, American Journalism, and music. Walker is the very first African-American woman to ever achieve this honor. She also won the National Book Award for Fiction that same year.

Just three short years after obtaining these prestigious and national recognitions, “The Color Purple” was released on movie screens across the country and was ultimately a huge success cross-culturally. The film received 11 Academy Award Nominations. In 2005 the books, made movie, appeared on Broadway as a musical.  This was also a tremendous success and performances can still be seen today in various theatrical venues.

Alice M. Walker is also a political activist very passionate about women’s rights, those of African-Americans and other cultures suffering injustices.  She has written multiple books, penned various essays, and scribed numerous poems. She is still very active today in voice as a teacher, speaker, inspirer and continues to flow in her first love of writing.

I pay homage to Ms. Walker in every sense of the word this month.  She has shown me that as long as you stay consistent and put your best work forward, God will open up doors you never could have dreamed possible.  It took one book to put her on the map and it did not take long before it went from book to movie to Broadway and beyond.  Her journey is amazing and forever will inspire me that success in this regard is truly possible.  A bonus for me is that her last name is Walker; equivalent to my maiden name.  Who knows, maybe there is a genealogy connection; if not, the very thought of it will forever ignite my dreams to keep the “Walker” legacy alive.

For more information on Alice M. Walker visit her website at:

http://www.alicewalkersgarden.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJR86ncuMgE – Alice Walker Interview

 

Self Empowerment

Burst on the Scene in 2015

2015 II

The entrance of a new year gives most a sense of renewed hope.  Putting the challenges or disappointments of the past behind creates a surged expectation for better outcomes.  Energy is high, awareness is keen, and having a heightened consciousness that something good is coming our way can be our repetitive emotional theme.  The New Year means new beginnings, a chance to start over, and trusting that our fate will change for the better. The clock strikes mid-night then suddenly we step into our second chance. Like a child on Christmas morning we are filled with excitement. We peer through our individual mental screen doors with dreams and hopes that our destiny is on its way.

I attended a prayer service at my church two weeks before the New Year of 2015.  The pastor facilitating the meeting gave a profound statement concerning the outlook for the coming year.  He challenged us to look at our expectancy differently.  The dare changed my life!

In summary of his passionate expressions he states that we should not be waiting in excitement for the New Year; The New Year is waiting on us!  Most people view the calendar changing with aspirations that things will change for them with little or no efforts applied on their own.  They may set goals and make resolutions initially but then quickly lose their momentum as the months go by.  They lose their passion and steam for various reasons by mid-year or sooner. Instead they allow a mentality of, “If it’s meant to be, it will be.” set in or put their faith in the concept of luck. By the last quarter of the year, these same people find themselves building up excitement again that a New Year is soon coming. They prepare to start the same vicious cycles over and over again with little or no progress made while life quickly passes by.

When I applied this mentality towards myself, I had a serious rude awakening. I was one of the many stuck in this cycle. So much time has been wasted on simply hoping and wishing.  I am now in the middle of my life and have missed out on countless opportunities because I gave up, lost steam, or became distracted.  Some things have been out of my control but most have been the result of my own choices. If things are going to change and I really want to embrace life’s best I have to allow the New Year to know that I am here and here to stay!

Can you see yourself in this same cycle or am I the only one? If you can relate to what I am expressing, ask yourself, what am I waiting for? Things are not going to come to me. I have to get up, get vision, stay committed and make it happen! The chances of our dreams dropping clear out of the sky without working for it is just like buying a lottery ticket.  The odds of winning this way are absolutely ridiculous! Let’s do something different and hold ourselves accountable. It’s not anyone else’s fault but our own if we feel held back. Set goals, make those resolutions but stick to them!  Sometimes goals have to be revised or delayed but should not be completely abandoned. Making the most out of every single day that we are given should be the ongoing intention of embracing every new morning.

I am going to trust the journey over these next 365 days. Excuses are not an option. I MUST change; it’s not anyone else’s responsibility.   What is the worst that can happen?  I already know what simply hoping and dreaming produces.   If my new ambitions don’t work I can always go back to simply wishing. However, something tells me that formula will never be an advancer.

Watch out 2015, Chanel Walker-Bailey is bursting on the scene!  Anybody with me?

Self Empowerment

Demise By Association

George Washington

I have mentioned in my introduction that I am extremely fond of motivational quotes.  They are short yet thought-provoking statements that influences me to keep life matters into perspective.  Sometimes they come to me as confirmation of a theory I already had.  I get terribly excited when I see someone else’s paraphrased notion in comparison to my own.

While on my lunch break at work this week, I was scanning the internet and ran across this proclamation:

“Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for tis better to be alone than in bad company.” President George Washington

I nearly shouted in the office! “That’s what I’m talking about George!” Although  I am not a political person to say the very least, the very 1st President of the United States of America earned my respect and attention with this one! His words of wisdom, admirable character, a believer in the Bible, and historic successful nature are all characteristics of a person that I want to know more about or associate with.  Amazing how these words spoken nearly two centuries ago still hold valid and true today.

One of my greatest fears is to wander aimlessly through life and get to my end with the harsh reality that I did nothing of remote significance to justify a respectable legacy notable of remembrance. This became more real to me once I became a mother.  I look into the face of my son daily and accept the great responsibility to pave the pathway for him.  I am not concerned if he grows up to fully appreciate my efforts or not. That’s solely his choice.  It is my duty as a parent to provide him with the best possible start in life. What he does with it is up to him. I know that this goal cannot be accomplished if I don’t associate myself with people of like minds that I can grow with, impart to, and learn from.

Over the past several months I have been taking an inventory of my life and those in it.  I found that I have been wasting an incredible amount of time that I can never recover on unproductive activities and people.  This statement is not meant to be an insult to anyone by far.  But I was sick and tired of going nowhere and desperately wanting to change my position.  I made a vow to myself to set some goals and commit to seriously working them daily in 2015. If I were to do this I had to make an assessment of people in my circle and gauge how they fit into my agenda.

When considering my very short list of friends and associates, I asked myself two questions; (1) Are they working on goals of their own or are they just drifting through their standard day-to-day experience? (2) How will maintaining this relationship at this time impact my desire to move forward and complement my own goals?  If I scratched my head too long with answering either question, I had to make the sometimes painful decision to back away.  Just because someone is in your yesterday does not mean they are supposed to remain in your today indefinitely.

I almost did not have to do much work when I began to pray about who should remain in my circle.  Some voluntarily walked away while others showed in their actions that they don’t have my best interest at hand.  I also had a long heart-to-heart talk with a woman I consider a true friend.  When I informed her about some of the actions of the people I called a friend she simply stated; “Why are you questioning answered prayer? You asked God to remove those that are not supposed to be in your life.  Now that they are gone you are surprised, Why is this?” Well that alone left me with the ultimate dumb look on my face for sure! I never considered looking at it that way!  She further challenged me to look at the individual lives of each person I was referencing.  What are they doing of significance? What do they have going on for themselves? Are they in a relationship? How can each one support your vision? Again I came back empty-handed with answers to most of these questions.  The conversation ended with the perception that I clearly need to re-build my circle from the ground up! (Thanks Ms. SG, You are Fabulous!)

This painful process has actually left me feeling very much alone in the friendship category.  But I am a few months in and when I look back I have gotten so much accomplished as a result.  I am so very proud of myself! It feels good! God is also beginning to bring new people into my life that I am anticipating building great relationships with.  The future finally looks awesome from this perspective!

A person can literally kill their character and assassinate their fullest potential by settling for less in those in their lives.  We all need relationships and desire friendships, but like George Washington said, it’s better to be alone at times than to compromise your destiny.  God will bring you who you need at the precise time that you need them!

Here are some clues that may indicate that a person may not need to be in your circle (Unfortunately, this may include people you are related to.):

>  They may show that they are jealous of you.

>  They suffer from paralysis and laziness in moving themselves forward.

>  Their definition of a come up is taking advantage of others.

>  They lack spiritual awareness combined with natural efforts.

> The bulk of their conversation is constant gossip, slander and judgement of others.

>  They are constantly complaining that they don’t have anything.

> They spend too much time on mindless entertainment. (Thus the reason why they probably don’t have anything!)

Now if you are a person reading this post that knows me personally, don’t make assumptions that this pertains to you.  Filling in the blanks is very dangerous territory.  Get to the source and facts!  If you are unclear where our relationship stands, CALL ME!  We can clear up that mystery with a simple conversation.  On the other hand if I am one that has slowed down your progression because we are on completely different pages right now, I respect that to the fullest and would NEVER walk in offense in this regard.  We can circle back later when the time is right.  Do your thing! I want nothing but the best for all I know and care for.  That’s REAL and genuine.

For now I must keep rolling with the confirmed wisdom of old.  Say what you want adversely about the 1st Father of our great country.  Today with these words, he’s alright with me!

Relationships, Self Empowerment

The Power of Forgivness

Forgivness II

 

There have been countless articles, books, preached sermons, and empowering lectures spoken on the topic of forgiveness throughout our time.  It seems to be such a prevalent issue that continuously inspires people to write on it time and time again.  It’s an ageless matter that never gets old or useless from generation to generation. Different faces, from various places during distinct times will craft their unique thoughts and opinions on the value of forgiveness.  Although written in different ways with dissimilar tones, all the messages proclaim how necessary and beneficial the process of forgiving is in the lives of every human being.  Another similarity in forgiveness messages is that the act is more for the person who has become offended by another than the offender themselves.

So what could I possibly add to this matter that has not already been addressed?  Not much; just my own experience in finally taking the advice to heart.  I don’t consider myself a person who harbors or holds grudges for long.  You have to really do something beyond description for that to happen.  I have had instances like this occur throughout my lifetime; mainly by people who I care for the most.  Sometimes I have forgiven and maintained working at the relationship while other times I have had to make the decision of forgiving my offender but letting them go at the same time.  The act of forgiveness has taken place but the person’s order of importance in my life may have forever been changed as a result.  I have learned that this is necessary sometimes as well in order to move on and grow….

In 2014 I experienced a miraculous process of forgiveness that I never thought would be possible.   I want to share this encounter because I really do believe it is my first real act of exercising true and complete forgiveness while becoming a willing participant of saving the relationship. I don’t think I have ever experienced forgiveness at this level in my entire life. Hopefully my story will help and inspire one of my readers.

I married my husband in October of 2014. We had a beautiful yet intimate wedding with close family and friends and planned the event in 4 short months.  Most would stop and think that this alone is a beautiful situation however, when our history is considered most would wonder how we ever got to the altar!

We are not newlyweds that don’t know each other and drowning in heavenly new relationship bliss.  On the contrary we are going on nine years in each other’s lives.  Our relationship has been, for lack of better words, excessively rocky and off and on at various times during these nine years. No matter what we put each other through, we just could not let go permanently.  Too much time vested, too many memories established, and bonds created that were unbreakable contributed to our vicious cycle of on again, off again.  Truth of the matter is, we are soul mates and best friends. No one knows him like I do and no one knows me like he does.  One commonality among us during our rocky years is that we  were extremely afraid of committing due to coming out of our previously failed marriages.   We purposely at times sabotaged our partnership in a crazed effort of not falling too deeply.  As you can probably guess that did not work!

My husband has hurt my heart over the years prior to us exchanging vows like no other.  Habitual and repetitive behavior patterns that most relationships could not survive was a huge problem.  As a reaction to his actions I would do things to make him hurt as much as he made me.  We would separate, be ok for a little while, cry, apologize then return to each other’s arms and start the process all over again.

In the winter of 2013 I got this incredible strength to break the adverse cycle by ending the relationship.  I purposely put up barriers to make sure I would not give in again.  He noticed this new resilience in me and thought for sure he had lost me forever.  This break was our longest and lasted nearly a year.  We had never gone that long without each other but it was a blessing in disguise.  I remember hating him for everything he had done to me but could not completely not talk to him because we had a young son together who was nearly two years old at the time.  I remember being as civil as I could when I had to talk to him but then would quickly escalate into a raged mad woman when he would try to change the subject.  I wanted to be done for good. I would cuss, insult him, call him names and repeat all the horrid details of the things he had done in an effort to remind him why I was done for good.

When I was not talking to him I noticed that my attitude was not healthy.  I was bitter, angry, resentful, mean-spirited and just not a nice person to be around.  All of these negative emotions were a direct result of me not forgiving but I did not know this at the time.  I was dying mentally and spiritually; I needed help. My breaking point was when I caused such a scene in a popular shopping store around the holidays because the customer service representative did not treat me as I felt I deserved as a paying and repeat patron.  That day I knew I was out of control and needed to deal with the route of my anger.

One evening we talked.  The conversation was like no other that we have ever had in the past.  He just wanted me to listen.  He pour out his heart and soul and was the most transparent that I have ever heard him to be. He shared his struggles as a man, and pain that I had no idea he was dealing with. There was no way I could hang up, get angry, or interrupt as would be my normal response to any subject other than our son.   During this moment I experienced complete forgiveness.  I no longer saw him as the man who has repeatedly hurt me, but rather a wounded human being who was crying out for help.  Although we were not together, truth still remained that I was indeed still his best friend and he mine.  He could not have entrusted anyone else to that level of information.   I saw him for this brief moment not through my own eyes but through the eyes of God himself.

When we hung up I replayed the conversation over in my mind.  It was so different, so profound and so pure and ever enlightening.  I laid in my bed and a cleansing feeling came over me.  It felt like a purge.  I remember the sensation like it was yesterday.  I had never experienced it before.  It was an instant exhaling relief; the surge of forgiveness.  I slept so soundly that night and was so grateful for I had not had a good night’s rest since we broke up nearly a year ago.

He noticed something was different about me as soon as the next day.  I was chipper, willing to talk to him and not rejecting his calls. I was laughing, giving advice; simply being my old self.  He bought this to my attention and I really did not realize it until he mentioned it. I knew for sure that complete forgiveness had taken place.

We entered into family counseling for the next 10 months which ultimately converted into premarital counseling.  The couple who helped us saw almost instantly that we were two people madly in love but just needed some spiritual guidance getting over our indifferences.  We both began to truly heal.

I am forever grateful for this experience. My husband thought that he needed me but I needed him just as much. He saved me from spiraling out of emotional control and heading towards my own self destructive habits.

Forgiveness is a powerful elixir with the abilities to heal the mind, body and spirit. It has permeating affects and will extend beyond those directly involved. Children will be happier, families will be healthier and individuals can experience wholeness.