Tag: Strength

Inspiration, motivational, reflection, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness

You are Such a Weirdo!

 

 

I’m different and I know it.  In personality, conversation, demeanor, sense of humor and overall character.  Yes everyone is different by their own definition, but many can fit effortlessly in common situations when I simply feel completely out of place often times.  This use to bother me for most of my life but now I embrace it for I have learned to see the benefits of my uniqueness!

 

 

As a youngster and into part of my adulthood, I use to think that my personality was seriously flawed. I was mature beyond my years and for other reasons outside of my control.  I felt I belonged more with an older crowd than those of my same or similar age range.  I was drawn to the fact that it seemed that older people knew more.  I could not decipher if that knowing was more beneficial or damaging initially, but I was attracted to their extended experiences none-the-less.  I was often disinterested in what my peer groups found conversationally entertaining most of the time.  This became extremely prevalent for me during my high school years. I remember as a freshman, I stuck out like a sore thumb.  I was quite, a bit odd, guarded and did not fit in easily with any particular group, especially the girls!  I watched countless cliques that were catty, loud, showboats outwardly, unrestrained and full of drama.  That just wasn’t me!  Those were lonely years for me and I remember at times trying to fit in and being tired of my personality appearing strange to most.  I found opportunities to enter into the “Girl’s Club” and would fake being interested in their priorities.  The façade never lasted long.  When conversations became overwhelmingly mindless to me, I would mentally check out and become self-absorbed in my own thoughts.  The countless exchanges would never hold my interest for very long no matter how hard I tried!  Someone in the group would always notice my shift in group engagement because I would be staring off into space somewhere.  I would instantly be put on the spot by at least one in the crowd. Talk about awkward!

 

Once everyone’s attention was on me I could literally hear that Sesame Street Theme song in my mind (One of these kids is doing his own thing; One of these kids is not like the others; One of these kids just doesn’t belong…)  I would shake loose from my trance but knew that I would no longer be invited into the circle. Purposely avoided for being a weirdo!!  I really thought something was terribly wrong with me. Why did I have to be so different and not like everyone else? This identity crisis caused me to suffer from depression and I became extremely introverted as a youngster and into my early adulthood years. Since most of the matters I thought heavily about were not discussed in my peer groups, I would document my feelings by writing. Journals and diaries were often my friends!!

I ultimately gave up trying to fit in.  The effort took too much of my energy and was way too much work! I finally began the process of identifying the value of my distinctiveness in my 30’s. What a relief that was!  I am who I am, take me or leave me!  By the time the next decade of my life came around, this issue was completely obsolete!  There is something about turning 40!  The “I don’t give a Cat’s Meow” switch kicks in full force! Any other opinion besides the Lord my God and those select few who he has sent to love and accept my little quirky ways, are all I will ever need. THAT’S REAL TALK!

 

Truth is; I am Innovative, Creative, Forward Thinking, Driven, a Risk Taker and Challenger of self to knock down obstacles in my life, mind and environment.  My tenacity sometimes even shocks me!  When my mind is set on a matter, watch out world, here I come! I am simply FABULOUS!

 

 

 

I give all credit to this new attitude because I finally have embraced and understand who I am in the sacrifice of Christ Jesus.

A few of my favorite scriptures that remind me there is not a thing wrong with me are:

I am Fearfully and wonderfully made! Psalm 139:14

I am created in the image of God! – Genesis 1:27

I have been called to live an abundant life! – John 10:10

I seek the praises and approval of God, not others!  2nd Corinthians 10:18

Now that I get it and despite the cards life has dealt me, You can’t tell me nothing!!

 

I read an article that I found quite interesting.  The connection between depression and people that are considered “Weird” is no coincidence. It’s the make-up of their creative brains. They don’t walk, talk, operate, rationalize or see the world as the majority.  Therefore depression may become an issue because the struggle to understand why they are so different can bring on feelings of hopelessness.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life/201204/little-weird-prone-depression-blame-your-creative-brain

 

But once we accept who we are as individuals, we can begin to flow continuously in our creative matchlessness. The world is waiting and needs what we have to offer! Not a bad place to be by far, especially if you hook up with like-minded weirdos!

Here is another article that deserves consideration. If you have a gift of writing, then sorry to tell you, but you were born to be weird!

 http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/9-weird-habits-that-famous-writers-formed-write-better.html

 

Do you think you are weird?

If so in what ways?

Have you accepted who you are and tapped into your creative strengths?
If not what are you waiting for? It’s pretty cool to be weird so just get over yourself already!

 

#weirdosrock
Suggested Book Read – 

http://www.amazon.com/WEIRD-Because-Normal-Isnt-Working/dp/031031576X

Inspiration, motivational, Self Empowerment, self-help, Spiritual Awareness, Uncategorized

So I Dream

I want to be a New York Times best selling author! Yes that’s what I aspire to be. But how, when and do I even dare to invest in this dream? The vision is big, the order tall, the obstacles great and  the competition many….

 

Yes me; little ole me whose odds in the past have been mostly unfavorable is dreaming; long, hard and consistently as of lates. I’m haunted daily by this fantasy that refuses to go away…
This strong desire comes at a time when life looks so uncertain in the natural and I am unable to see or predict next steps. I’ve completely lost control of the process.  Nothing right now makes sense and I’m extremely uncomfortable. THAT’S REAL TALK!

But my dreams are demanding me to embrace the challenge and see myself out of my current circumstances by taking a chance. Speak those things as though they were, is what my Savior taunts me to do. (Isaiah 55:11, 2nd Corinthians 4:18)

 

I see myself completely exposed to the attention, the life, the perks and the acclaim. I like most of what I am seeing but not really comfortable with others that will naturally come with the territory (pesky paparazzi and the gossip columnists. I could do without all of them!). It all seems so real through the lens of my discerning eye.

Journey with me for a moment; if you will..

I see my name in the papers, the critics praise and critique my work. I am the talk of the town!

My “Pen Name” is scripted on the cover of books; hard, soft and electronic copies. They are published in the U.S.A and abroad; in various languages for all to appreciate.

I am preparing for awards and writing acceptance speeches; and yes, I’m nervous but I can and must do this!

People are throwing honorary gatherings in my name! The parties are simply fabulous and I must get ready!

I’m draped in breath taking gowns meant for a Movie Star. Vera Wang wants me to model her latest design. So does Versace. I’m confused on which to choose. I certainly won’t be going with CHANEL right now for that would  be way too predictable of course! What’s a girl to do? (sigh!)

I’m Living in a “castle like” abode and hire a wonderful chef to prepare my meals.  Lots of veggies and salad please! 

I’m giving back to the very few who cheered me along the way; when I was no one and my voice was silent. I would not be here without them and my gratitude is endless!

 

Yes, I’m Dreaming like I hit the lottery today but the reward comes from the work of my own hands and not by luck of the draw.
My dreams contradict my reality and common experience. For I’m from poverty, neglect, and routinely overlooked in most places I venture.
But recently I read the backgrounds of two authors whom I admire greatly. They both made it to my dream status and they sound like me! In Fact, they were me, long ago until they started to act out on their dreams….

I shall keep hoping, wishing and yearning. My sacrificial work that must be done in conjunction is my act of faith for I too deserve. Yeah, that’s right; with my head held up high I boldly profess, “Why Not Me!”

What about you? What are you longing for? Share and come dream with me!

#Dream #Ibelieveinme  #Dreambig  #Nevergiveup 

Inspiration, Relationships, Self Empowerment, Spiritual Awareness

When its time to Let Go

Letting-Go-Quotes-28

Have you ever remained in a toxic relationship because you felt you had to? You knew it was unhealthy.  All the signs were there.  In fact, nearly every time you were in the presence of  a certain person confirmation constantly warned you.  You knew it was unhealthy and more than likely would never improve.  However, the expectations of others coupled by your own guilt and people pleasing ways, you continue to endure.  The hurt, backstabbing, selfishness, conditional love, inconsistencies and lack of give and take; you accept it all, every time. Its all you have ever done and all you have ever known.   You are the only one in the relationship truly trying and all for the sake of what’s expected.  It’s a very heavy facade to bear long term.  Exposed you appear strong, handling it well, smile and laugh on cue because others are certainly watching and judging.  But behind closed doors you cry, ache, pray and long for change.  For waiting for change is easier than considering the inevitable…Letting go.

I think we all experience situations like this at some point in our lives.  Seasonal people come and go whether we release them or they walk away on their own.  Accepting the process is easier with some people than others.  Sometimes we recognize right away the unnecessary chaos a person is causing in our lives.  The “Good Byes and Good Riddance” comes effortlessly.  But what if this painful situation involves a loved one.  A person you are connected to by D.N.A. 1st line blood born relation.  What do you do then?

I have had to withstand this unfortunately a few times in my life. Not because I wanted to but because I had to.  One situation involved my biological father.  A man who walked out of my life as a toddler and remained excessively inconsistent for years.  Out of my desperation of wanting to be “Daddy’s Little Girl” I chased after him in an effort to win his approval, affection and adoration.  This failed pursuit lasted for nearly two decades.  If I did not chase he would not bother.  His words said that he loved me but his actions more than proved otherwise.  Letting go was not easy by far.  I was going to make him love and treat me the way I thought I deserved as his daughter.  That was my will and far from his.  After much hurt, countless tears, severe rejection and lack of support I finally let go.  It wasn’t until my heart lined up with my spirit that peace in the decision took over me. Today, its been nearly 4 years and I continue to experience a calm with this matter that has been priceless.  It is well with my soul for I am certain that I have done all I can. This type of serenity I only wish I had awarded myself in half the time versus 20 years.  But feeling obligated by the urging of others (But That’s Your Father!) and the little wounded girl within me still longing for his approval, I suffered longer than I ever had to.  I pray and wish nothing but the best for my Father, for he has missed out on the ultimate prize; the evolution of ME:-)

Unhealthy relationships can tear down the human spirit and cause one to lose focus on God’s infinite purpose for their life. Along the way depression, self loathing and a crushed esteem can be the ultimate result of staying in unprofitable relationships long term.  We get so stuck on a person’s title in our lives that we feel that we can do nothing but actively deal with it.  Just because someone is your Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Aunt, Uncle or Cousin gives them no right to wreck havoc in your life.  If these people are not working with you to improve the relationship in a give and take fashion a decision needs to be made to let them go.

The only obligation you have is towards yourself.  If you don’t take care of you certainly no one else will.  That’s a stark and painful reality when you consider family members for it is not politically correct to sever a relationship with certain people.  Right? Well I’m no politician by far and dare to go against the grain!

If a person continues to cause you pain, let them go!  if they are not working towards improving themselves or acknowledge their wrong doing in the relationship, let them go!  If they have continuously shown that they are envious, spiteful, un-supportive, critical  and simply don’t have your best interest at heart, LET THEM GO!  This may be scary but depending on the person, this may not be permanent.  Once they see how far away they have pushed you, they may come back around.  But in your letting go, have no expectations for this will only lead to more of a broken heart.

If you are reading this, can relate and are considering a situation like this in your life, ask yourself “What am I truly holding on to?” As painful as it may be, loosen up your grips, close your eyes, open your hands and let go.  Without guilt, without regret, without fear, heal and be free…..

“At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life” – Sandi Lynn

Inspiration, Relationships, Self Empowerment, Spiritual Awareness

Being Mad At God

Mad at God

While checking the activity of one of my social media accounts, I saw an interesting post that stopped me in my tracks.  It solicited responses to a very simple but thought provoking question. It read, “If you had the opportunity to talk to one person who is no longer on this earth, who would that be and what would you say to them?”  This poll obviously caught the attention of many for there were countless replies to the common thread.  The evident was noted as people wrote out their desires to see, touch and feel loved ones who had pass away.  Mothers, fathers, spouses, friends, children and others were a mutual theme.  Yet as I considered the remarks of numerous strangers to this question, I also noted another trendy response.  Many wished they had the change to talk face-to-face with the Heavenly Father and ask him countless “Why” questions.  Why so much poverty?; Why the premature death?; Why did this thing not work out when I tried my best?; Why did you allow the enemy to win in this situation?; WHERE ARE YOU? These common pleas confirmed in my spirit that there are a lot of people Mad at God.

As a believer, I can relate to these sentiments and have no problem admitting so.  Many of us will not.  Giving off the ongoing façade that they remain in the glory, ever believing, faithful and trusting at all times is perceived as the right thing to do as a mature Christian.  Personally I think this mindset is a completely deceiving testament to those who struggle to understand how God operates in our lives.  If we are not REAL about our experiences, (while we are going through them, and not just after the deliverance), we silently give off a false perception about this walk. Who is that really helping?

I am a realist and a very practical thinker.  As a believer, I see strengths and flaws in these personality traits, but they are who I am none-the-less (And God knows this already for I am his child).  As I pen these words, I myself am going through my own state of mixed emotions with God.   There are sets of circumstances going on in my life that I am just not happy with and I wonder where he is and what he is doing in the midst of it all.  Not proud to admit but in my times of frustration, I stop communicating with him for I don’t know what to say.  This is especially true during those times when I think I have heard from him so clearly, walked out in what I thought I heard and then it does not work out.  What now? I certainly don’t want to hear a bunch of Christian Cliché’s, for they are not resourceful. I don’t want to be around a bunch of fake believers who are not honest about “The going through” process either. Who needs that!  My relationship with God is very personal and has similar ups and downs to when I am having a challenge with my spouse, a friend a co-worker or other significant relationships.  The only difference is no matter how indifferent I become, I always end up back on my knees apologizing, asking for forgiveness and falling right back into his arms. The truth is, no matter how mad I get, the act of coming back to him shows I still trust him with my life; for there is nothing else I choose to do.

For those today who are disappointed or angry with God, let me encourage you to not stay there long.  Sort out your feelings, have your spiritual temper tantrum then remember that he is the God that has your best interest at hand (Even when it doesn’t seem like it!)  Although we are made in his image, He does not think like us, he does not move like us, and he certainly does not react like us. Thank Goodness! Could you imagine if he did?  I don’t even want to think about it!!

Some may disagree with me, but I believe that its human nature to be mad and disappointed with God at times.  We are with everything else, so why be phony about this factual position?  We are fooling no one especially not HIM! He knows each and every one of us no matter how perfect we try to present ourselves to others.

My best words of advice on this controversial topic is to tell God how you feel.  In your anger, in your tears in your frustration….Be REAL with him!  He already knows anyway but you will feel so much better when you can get it out in the open with HIM first!  After you have “vented” immediately go into the act of asking for forgiveness, thank him, worship him and tell him that in spite of it all, you still trust him.  REALLY, what else are you going to do that makes sense, is profitable and will restore your sense of peace?

There is a song that I listen to when I am feeling this way.  It’s called “Fragile”. Listen to the words and I am sure you will be able to relate to each and every lyric.  God still has our backs no matter how mad we get or how improbable life seems to become.

Tasha Page-Lockhart – Fragile-   https://youtu.be/UGzjeLFCqCI