It still hurts when I consider it. In fact, I’m still not over it. It’s been easier said than done. No matter how much word, encouragement or affirmation I receive, there is still a sting that remains.
To this day and on occasion, I am haunted and offended by the way I was ill regarded. It’s been over a year since the initial offense and yet I find myself still questioning my abilities, intellect and competence. My ego was left mangled, scarred and completely crushed. I did nothing to deserve that….
The matter has left me looking at a future that feels so uncertain for I thought I was on my way. I’ve secretly been on a mission to redeem myself, someway and somehow. Trying to get up the courage to try at that level again. The need for redemption burns deep within. I want to prove it to myself for I believe I deserve it but have reservations…..
Has life ever dealt you a set of circumstances that you never saw coming and didn’t deserve at the very least? I am sure this happens to everyone, but often the thought of how common these offenses are provides very little comfort. This is even more true when a great deal of time has passed and you haven’t recovered or experienced change. I want to be redeemed.
My greatest truth in this matter is that I am truly weary with trying to conjure up my own way. Those efforts are not going to work. I’m mature enough in the Gospel to understand this as fact. I also had to check myself if whether I want things or approval of man more than I want The Lord.
He shall set my feet on high places. (Psalms 18:33)
He will prepare a plate before my enemies. (Psalms 23:5)
He is my true deliverer. (Psalms 18:2)
My stolen years will eventually be restored. (Joel 2:25)
This day I repent publicly to my Heavenly Father for the enemy does not have the last say over that thing or any other thing!
My Lord, My Daddy, my Abba Father, my refuge, my strength, my everything shall redeem me as I desire more of Him first!