The Bigger Person

I recently had an encounter with a woman who is obviously bitter and stuck on a series of events that occurred nearly 12 years ago. Her demeanor towards my husband and I on a day that was suppose to be nothing but sheer joy was just down right inappropriate!

My flesh wanted to rise up so badly but I was able to reframe from counter reacting in the same way. There were children around and I considered the conduct of God so I said nothing. 

As I walked away I felt my insides boiling hot!! This is not the first time this person has been disrespectful to me. Previous times were indirect but this time was right in my face! I wanted so desperately to shut her down but knew I would not have been able to do so with the love of the Lord. 

Several days later I still felt myself reliving the event. Does she think I’m weak, a push over, or some simple woman because I remained silent? I don’t ever want her thinking that this sort of behavior will be both tolerated and acceptable going forward! I had to consult my Heavenly Father about what to do at our next encounter; for there WILL be one!

I clearly heard him speak of what Proverbs 29:11 says; “A fool uttereth all his mind, but a wise man keepeth it till afterwards.”

Furthermore, Ecclesiastes 10:14 says “A fool multiplies words; no one knows what is coming…”

He also reminded me that in the event that we meet again, a soft answer will turn away wrath. (Proverbs 15:1)

If I decide to respond in the same manner, a war of words at minimum will indeed be the result and two fools will be present vs. the initial one!


My flesh of course wants to give her not just a piece of my mind but the entire thing! She has it coming, but what good will that do and how will I be honoring my Father who has provided the ultimate instruction? She hasn’t gotten over or won anything, rather continues to prove how immature she steadfastly remains.

Have you ever had a situation like this before?
What happened and how did you handle it?

Were you able to represent Christ although your natural man wanted to completely take over?

I know for sure that a war of nasty words by exchange would have been instant gratification to my flesh. The outcome also could have been worse. I thank God for helping me that day not to consider an eye for an eye. This woman too is a believer and still a child of the Most High God Never-the-less.

Turning the other cheek may not be what we want to do in instances like this, but is the action our Savior certainly expects when we represent Him.

30 thoughts on “The Bigger Person”

  1. At times it is truly best to just keep quiet when we have been provoked because the person will be looking for a response from us. As hard as it is, I simply ignore it when it happens.

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    1. Good for you Colleen! I am still such a work in progress in this area but can learn from examples like you and certainly the scriptures!!! I prevailed in this instance and hope I do when we meet again! Geesshhhh! Lol

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      1. It is not easy at all because naturally you want to put the person in their place but since developing an “I can’t be bothered attitude” to a lot of things that try to steal my joy, I realise some of these things are actually not worth it. At the end of the day we pray to God to help us deal with these situations cause honestly on our own we fail.

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  2. This is an amazing reminder that meek isn’t weak. Often, I let too many words out determined to let others know I’m not weak and simple. I’ve learned from past mistakes that instead I was foolish. Every now again, it nice to be reminded that less can be more! Great verses!

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  3. Chanel,
    This was an excellent example on how to defuse the enemy’s attacks to try and make us compromise our witness of God’s Character…..when you acknowledge God in your thoughts and
    then in prayer…..God gave you the answers you needed to stay in the nature and character of Christ. Yes you are truly a Gift from God!

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    1. My dear sister, WWJD s/b DWJD (DO WhatJesus DID!) Father forgive them (& help me 2). The BOC hurt & offend our own & blame anyone but themselves when we offend each other. Forgiveness is for You (it Frees you) & takes back your Power to Love! ( not always easy but always necessary.REMEMBER: We are Commanded to LOVE(spirit) but we aren’t commanded to like. (deeds of the flesh). God will judge! Selah, Dr.b*t

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  4. I’m truly glad that you didn’t fall into the enemies trap honey. Although I may have enjoyed it at the time, It would’ve likely been a scene that we both would’ve regreted… May we continue to grow in the Lord 🙂


  5. I just had one of these. God had already told me that morning before the email came I was to be silent and bear it patiently. Oh, how our flesh longs to “set the record straight” and defend ourselves, especially when we know the attack is untrue. Silence does not seem particularly brave but oh how wise it is, and when we our calmer, and have walked in the shoes of Jesus (and feel his smile) is that not worth it all? The Holy Spirit whispered to me afterwards, “If you cannot run with footmen, you will never run with horses” meaning I believe that if we cannot “bear” these small offenses, and small “attacks”, how shall we bear the larger ones that will surely come with greater influence? Thanks for the great post! It certainly was timely for me.

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    1. And thank you for sharing! Reminders that my fellow brothers and sisters in the Lord face the same situations really helps to move past what you so accurately stated as “small offenses.” It didn’t feel like it at the time but in the grand scheming things, the moment truly was. Blessing to you always!

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      1. Mine did not feel small either. Took me all day to get myself calmed down again. Oh, my. I do have a way to go & grow! Mine came from someone I’m related to which made it double hurtful. !had to tell myself all day long, the LORD knows EXACTLY how I feel. And when I read your post it was like He was saying, “Yes, I do!” (and so does she!) Chuckling now, but you’re right, it is hard to bear sometimes. This Jesus-thing is not for sissies! I love your stuff… thanks again.

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  6. One of the things God used in my life to ‘counter’ such tirades against me and not be shocked by it because the person is a Christian is what was said about Him. “He did not commit Himself to any man for he KNEW what was IN man.” Let’s look at this in the Amplified version of the bible:

    John 2:24-25 AMPC But Jesus [for His part] did not trust Himself to them, because He knew all [men]; And He did not need anyone to bear witness concerning man [needed no evidence from anyone about men], for He Himself knew what was in human nature. [He could read men’s hearts.]

    Now for Christians of today, we know that not everyone is fully mature as this takes time and we all do not have the same ‘starting point’ in our walk with him due to the many ‘wounds’ we suffered in our lives before Jesus came into our lives. Some are ready to discard all ill feelings and forgive all who had hurt them before but have they released them from their judgments against them or broken their own promises to themselves that were made at the time of their hurt? We may say something like, “I will never let someone like that into my life” or something akin to this. This is considered by God an oath or a vow. Many times we consider this a good thing but not with God. He considers it sin,

    Leviticus 5:4-5 NKJV ‘Or if a person swears, speaking thoughtlessly with his lips to do evil or to do good, whatever it is that a man may pronounce by an oath, and he is unaware of it—when he realizes it, then he shall be guilty in any of these matters. ‘And it shall be, when he is guilty in any of these matters, that he shall confess that he has sinned in that thing;

    The reason it is considered sin is that we ‘pit’ our will against God’s will. Anytime we act in our thoughts or actions through our own will, we sin for then we are acting from the flesh or selfishness. We are instead, to ‘take captive every thought that exalts itself against the knowledge of God’ which is what you did. But as Paul mentioned elsewhere in his writings, “let me show you a better way” than reacting in a defensive mode. This ‘better way’ is the way of love but love is NOT blind that it does not know what a brother or sister in Christ is still capable of. Actually, we are taught to put on the ‘whole armor’ of God.

    Ephesians 6:10-18New King James Version (NKJV)

    The Whole Armor of God
    10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[a] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
    14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 ABOVE ALL, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—

    Notice verse 16 says ABOVE ALL (my emphasis), take the shield of faith which will be able to QUENCH ALL the fiery darts of the wicked one. When others strike out, whether they are believers or not, they strike out because they are hurt and view you, your words, your actions or even just your presence, as a threat to them. The shield of faith does not simply DEFLECT the fiery darts but actually puts the fire out, which is that part of the dart that causes our reaction because of the pain it inflicts. The shield of faith put the fire out and then we can see the source of that flame and that source reveals the hurt in the person casting that dart.

    When the Spirit of the Lord showed me this, it changed everything in me. First I realized that not all of my brethren in Christ are fully healed yet and this lets me realize that they are still capable of hurting others because of the hurt still living and active in their own lives. Once I accepted this truth, I began looking for the reason for their ‘attacks’ as coming from an existing but invisible wound. For this, I needed to know what was in their heart and since man cannot know what is in the heart of another man, I was going to need to rely heavily on the Holy Spirit to show me. This He will do because now, instead of us reacting out of defensiveness we have chosen to respond with His love. Now the ability to walk in this truth did not come quickly or automatically. I needed to pursue this as we pursue the truth in all things in our lives. Do I see this as a ‘treasure’ worth selling all I have to ‘gain’ this truth? Or is this ‘too complicated’ for me and ‘not worth the pursuit’? We all have to ‘count the cost’ for this is part of WHO Jesus is and HOW He walked, fully dependent on what His Father will show Him and what His Father will instruct Him to say.

    In a nutshell, this is only a small part of what it means to ‘walk by the Spirit’. When we walk by the Spirit, we have cast off from us our own ‘rights’ which includes ‘what others think of us’. If we have truly died to self, does a dead man/woman ‘care’ what others are saying or thinking about them? No! They are dead and nothing anyone thinks or says can ‘hurt’ them any longer. The only we God gives is to put to death the deeds of the flesh IS to walk by His Spirit. No longer to trust in our own judgment or what others may think of us. Jesus already said they will hate us because they first hated Him. We can accept this when it comes to unbelievers but when it comes from those who name the name of Jesus as their Savior and Lord, we are typically completely unprepared for this. Our expectations are such that we believe they are just like us but this is where we miss it. Only through Spiritual Eyes can we “see” the wounds still present in our brethren’s lives. God wants to ‘train’ us to walk in the Spirit so that we are not taken by surprise by the actions or words of another believer. If they speak or act inappropriately, the first thing we are to do is to forgive them immediately. In fact, the way the Spirit of the Lord showed me was to WEAR forgiveness as a CLOAK. Forgive BEFORE the need for forgiveness arises. To ‘walk in forgiveness’ is to walk in the armor of God with the shield of faith to reveal the source of the pain in our brethren as this pain is the reason for their lashing out.

    We will not become expert or fully mature in this kind of walk immediately but in time, as we pursue Him who IS our example by leaning entirely on the Spirit of the Lord for ALL things and all situations, we WILL be able to ‘know what is IN man’ just as Jesus knew for it is He who will show us.

    Walking in love MEANS to walk in the whole armor of God, this is trusting Him, hearing His voice and obeying His voice and casting off from us our own ‘rights’ and not walking in ‘defensive mode’ but walking in His love.

    I apologize for the length of this but I do hope it helps. Blessings to you dear sister!

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    1. Incredible because this comes at a time when I am doing a deep study of the book of Ephesians and learning Spiritual Warfare! I have been immature and lacking true knowledge on how to fight in this realm and it’s time for me to grow up! Lol! Confirmation this has been for God did show me that she is still very much a hurt individual and requires healing. I have now begun to pray for her and truly know that we don’t fight against flesh and blood. Thank you for taking the time and being obedient to the Holy Spirit.😇

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      1. Thank you for the confirmation. I am always a bit guarded when giving such a long reply but I realize that the Holy Spirit is bidding me to and you confirmed to me why He wanted me to be so detailed. He is so good to us and knows exactly what we need! Blessings to you as you continue this path He has you on.

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  7. Great post! We truly need to listen to God’s instruction in situations like this! Sometimes, He wants us to “speak the truth in love”, & other times, to be silent. We don’t really know what is best, but He does. 🙂

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