The Profit of Pity

Self Pity I

If a person lives long enough, the realization of learning that life can be unfair becomes a painful and repetitive reality. Often times those who suffer unfortunate circumstances feel they are unique in their experiences. This myth can’t be further from the truth! As long as you are living and breathing, unfortunate situations are bound to occur in the lives of everyone. The common factor is that no one is exempt; No one…

I have lived long enough to know for sure that life runs in phases; three to be more specific. We are either just coming out of a storm, getting ready to enter into one, or smack dead in the center of one. There seems to be short increments of calm in between each phase but the peace rarely last long. If you are fortunate, you may be awarded just enough time to catch your breath and dry off your rain gear before needing to face the next downpour.

During these times most experience a world wind of emotions. Self-Pity is a popular one. Questioning “Why me?”, Why now?”, and “When will this be over?”, are common questions we ask ourselves, people we know, and even God if we are believers. Since we know that problems are inevitable, unavoidable and temporal, I have wondered if there is any profit to Self-Pity….

During a very recent storm in my own life I experienced a combination of devastating events back to back. I found out that my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and I lost a family member to a sudden heart attack on the same day. Both events occurred 3 weeks before I was to be married. The family death took away my wedding coordinator, for she was the wife of the family member who died. What was supposed to be a joyous occasion ended up turning into a great deal of overwhelming and heart wrenching stress. My mother required emergency surgery to remove the lump and we had to attend the funeral of our loved one all within a two-week period. Of course finalizing the wedding plans had to be done and I had no coordinator. I forgot to mention that I started a new job just one month before that leaving me little opportunity to be in places that I wanted to be and to grieve openly. I suppressed my true feelings for weeks. I told myself that I was being strong this way. Truth of the matter is I was scared to death, riddled with guilt and succumbing to the pressure. I was not only in a storm but a mental, physical, and spiritual tsunami!! I was breaking under the pressure and trying desperately not to show it. Self-Pity was at an all-time high and I began to become resentful that life had dealt me such an incredibly unfair hand. All these events were so close together that I barely had time to take a deep breath in-between. Why so much at the same time? It did not take long before I literally had a mini-nervous breakdown. Those closest to me witnessed my unraveling wondering where this crazed woman emerged from.

Truth is, there is really no profit at all to Self-Pity, especially if it is wallowed in for too long. If I had to certainly find any benefit at all it was the painful reminder I am a sane human being in touch with my logical feelings. After my break down I sought counsel to help sort out what happened. The feedback I received was had I not come to a breaking point, I probably would have needed to be committed. No one in their RIGHT mind could have gone through all of those unpredictable events unshaken. I felt such a sense of relief that what I was feeling was completely normal. I thought I had to hold it together and put up a façade of strength. But for a long moment I was dying inside and no one knew until I came undone… I can say I am qualified to offer some advice for those who find themselves in similar positions.

If you have experienced devastating, life altering circumstances such as the loss of a child, spouse, job, home, your health, finances or a combination of these things and more, get into survivor mode as soon as possible. YOU CAN’T DO IT ALONE! Thinking that you can is a trick of the enemy and he will use this to his fullest advantage to take you out of the game! Don’t allow him to wreak havoc on your mind. That precious and spiritual space should never become his playground. Please know, you survived for a reason. Consider the following:

  • Acknowledge the situation(s) and you emotions to confirm your sanity but don’t stay there long!
  • Find a healthy way to grieve. Don’t get caught in the lie that you can do this without others.
  • Regroup as quickly as possible before depression, self-worth, self-doubt, procrastination, spiritual paralysis, and the will to keep going sets in.
  • Seek counsel in spiritual leaders, mentors, support groups and those you respect with your best interest to help re-channel your thoughts towards healing.
  • Don’t look at the lives of others and become envious. No one’s life is better than your own! Those people are just in different phases of life’s stormy process. Remember you are looking out and not in.

For those who come under attack constantly with horrific life events that most can’t begin to comprehend, this is mostly for you. You are they that the enemy is after hard because you are a threat to his agenda! You must fight harder to recover, no matter how weary you become. If you don’t, the world will be deprived of you and your true purpose. Get up, set the rules, fight back, and live!

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