Broken, motherhood, Parenting, Sickness

Blessings in Brokenness 

  

I wasn’t suppose to be a mother. This is what my mindful flesh settled on. I had been barren for 22 years. With age 40 being just two years away and recently divorced, I abandoned the prophecy.
Isaiah 54 was given to me to compliment the prophetic word by a well known Pastor,  but I gave up hope.

 

 
For 8 years I read and re-read the passage until I nearly memorized all versus. When I divorced in 2008 after nearly 11 years of marriage, I abandoned the word and walked away from my faith. I was full of anger and completely broken.

 
 

Then in January of 2010 I discovered I had conceived. I was out of wedlock and far from the Cross. Just because I abandoned the Word, it was clear that God did not abort the promise that was predestined to come to pass. The ultrasound revealed a boy. For his name shall be Isaiah after the scripture that helped call him forth.

My first child at 39 years of age. I was overjoyed and frightened out of my mind to have the responsibility of molding another human being. I had little to no support from family and friends and questioned if I would be any good at the most important role of my life and his.

Isaiah entering into my world did not come without considerable pain. I’m not referring to physical labor but by mental anguish when I learned during my 5th month ultrasound that he would be born with a disability. A rare birth defect that occurs 1-7500-10,000 births. Mine, my first that I desired for many ages would be that one. My world was shattered all over again and all I could think was “Lord haven’t I been through enough?”

  

The day my son was born, I remember that I did not smile when the doctors ripped him from my womb by C-Section and showed him to me briefly around that thick blue surgical curtain. I was hoping that what doctors saw on the films would be human error. But when I saw him, his deficiency was overwhelming obvious. He was missing a hand and what we thought were going to be some form of functional fingers were just undeveloped nubbins that never reached their full potential. I was petrified and had no clue how I was going to raise a child with special needs after I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis just about one year prior. I was single, felt abandoned but realized I had better role up my spiritual sleeves and get it together. If not for myself; for baby Isaiah. He, if no one else, deserved nothing less.

  

I loved him right away and motherhood instincts kicked in instantly. I surprised myself how much of a natural I really was. I initially thought I had grown too selfish to sacrifice everything for another, but I indeed stepped up to the challenge.

  

  

   
  

In order to be my best for my son in mind, body and spirit, I so desperately needed God. I repented and returned to His arms for healing, guidance and direction. My Savior responded immediately and began supplying me with the things and people I needed as a new mother. I became overwhelmed by his goodness and vowed never to leave his shelter again.

  

As for baby Isaiah, he is the most amazing gift besides Christ that I have ever received in my life. He has proven to me and the world that his disability is far from that! Nothing stops this kid. When I once wondered how he would accomplish a task, I now wonder 4 years later, what he will conquer next!

As I reminisce on our beginnings together, my son was my saving Grace from a life I was building that was completely self-destructive. Had he not come when he did, I don’t know how or when I would have returned to my Faith. He’s truly amazing. Everyday when I look in his sweet little face, I thank God for providing me the greatest blessing of all in my most broken places.

  

For more information about children living with upper limb differences, please visit http://www.luckyfinproject.org

#tenfingersareoverrated

#luckyfinsrock

#butGod

#jesus

31 thoughts on “Blessings in Brokenness ”

  1. Oh my goodness Chanel, He is so beautiful. I just want to squeeze him. I see nothing wrong with him. How boring life would truly be if everyone were the same. God in His infinite wisdom, made me, a 52 year old empty nester a mom/grandma again. I will be 63 in December, and my Jonathan keeps my arthritis from getting the best of me. Thanks for sending me to Nicky’s blog too. I have already begun to pray for you both. We are kindred spirits. God bless and keep you and Isaiah.

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    1. A www thank you so much!!! My son is my miracle for I didn’t think I could be a mom after 22 years of being barren! But God! I was afraid at first on how I would raise him but I’m such a natural! Lol! I thought you were my age! You go lady looking fab in your 60’s!😳 Thanks for the prayers and kindred spirits we are!

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  3. Wow, amazing testimony! And I can somehow sympathize, as my wife and I could not have a child, until the Lord gave us a miracle boy. He is healthy, thanks be to God, but miracle nonetheless. I pray that the Lord whom you love will be everything that you have been missing, as He is your all in all. The Lord bless you!

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    1. Thank you so much for stopping pass my blog and reading. Our children are indeed miracles from Heaven especially when they come delayed but not denied! Blessings to you and yours!😇

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    1. Tikeetha thank you so much for stopping past my blog, reading and commenting. I don’t take these actions for granted and consider it a blessing. Purpose for Pain and I must give it away to encourage the heat of another. Thanks again!😆

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  6. A great post and a very moving one as well 🙂 Isaiah is a wonderful name for your child and those are wonderful pictures too 🙂 And despite hard times, things finally started to look up for you concerning your faith and how your blog has successfully attracted tons of visitors (me included) 🙂 I hope things continue to look up for both you and your child 🙂 Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

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  7. This has me in tears. Look at the goodness of God! Makes me want to shout! What a beautiful boy and an awesome journey you are on. May God continue to bless your family.
    xoxo

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    1. NickyB, I was hoping you had a chance to read this girl! You are really the one who God used to inspire me to share this. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to put my son on display but I considered my own thoughts towards your son MJ and I want to cheer him on at every victory as long as you keep him in the hearts of your readers! Our children with special needs are sweet blessings from God and their differences keep us on our knees and near God! The journey has been amazing! Thank you for following me. I’m so glad we are connected! Blessings always!😇

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      1. I’m so thankful that you shared your story. It has blessed me today and I know it will bless others. Every time I think about your testimony I want to praise God all the more. Thank you for this😊😊😊

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  10. Wow you never cease to Amaze Me……Powerful Testimony, well said and so Transparent, a message of Deliverance and Freedom and a reminder that the things we suffer is nothing compared to the Glory when God’s Grace gets finished with It.

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  13. What a beautiful testimony. Thanks so much for sharing. God knew what it would take for you.
    Job 23:10 But he knows the path that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold.
    Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. James 1:17

    Praise God for little Isaiah.

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    1. Thanks Barbara! So thrilled that I noticed the warning. I have no clue what else would have been able to get my attention during that season in my life like my son. God knows his children for sure as individuals and deals with us all accordingly! Thanks for that awesome scripture in Job as well. So very appreciate!☺️

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