Month: February 2016

Soulful Sunday – 2/28/2016


When The Savior Is Silent

A few weeks ago I had an opportunity to speak at a women’s group at my church. I shared a testimony about an extremely difficult period in my life that I refer to as my “Job-Like Experience.” It lasted nearly three years from late 2007-2011. I lost any and everything important to me back-to-back. The turmoil seemed to come out of no where! One day I was basking in calmness, then the next all hell seemed to break loose simultaneously! 

I suffered multiple family deaths, broken relationships, I was going through a divorce, lost my home, suffered an attack on my health that landed me out of a fairly new job shortly thereafter. I found myself for the first time in my life utterly alone. Only my spiritual life remained and even that hung chronically in the balance. I was incredibly broken from the inside out.

Oh, how I wish I could relay that during these trials that I fell down and worshipped God. I did not! I was utterly offended by my circumstances. I cried out to God often but for the longest time, He never responded. I allowed this silence to completely break my faith and instead of saying “Thou He Slay Me, yet will I trust him…(Job 13:15), I walked away from Him for two years and grew angry, bitter and cold. 

I don’t believe that everyone is called to a Job-Like experience. We will all suffer in this life-time devastation to all of the areas I mentioned above, but a select few will endure this level of loss concurrently. While I was going through, I knew not a soul who was enduring so much loss. Those who knew what I was facing genuinely offered their sympathy but ran out of things to say as I reported one offense after another. They ultimately turned away from me and thanked God that their own situations did not look any where close to mine.

While Job went through, God was silent for what appeared to be a very long time. Job’s first test is revealed in the scriptures in chapter 1 and God doesn’t speak to Job until chapter 38!!! When I consider real time this delay could possibly be translated into weeks, months or even years!!! Never-the-less, Job never sinned against God.

I’m obviously not Job for I sinned a great deal during my trials. Like his wife, I even though it best at times to curse God and die. (Job 2:9) (Real Talk!) Yet when I look back, he never left me. He ultimately began to speak after a time and I looked up noticing how far from the cross I had strayed. I ultimately fell on my knees, repented and came back to the safety of his arms. Like Job, he restored everything I lost and I was forever changed.

Have you had a time in your life when God grew silent?

How did you respond?

What advice would you give anyone struggling to hear his voice during difficulties and He does not speak?

Although I failed my tests miserably, I certainly don’t wish for a retake in that exam by far! I wouldn’t wish the experience on my worse enemy. It is painful long suffering at it’s finest! I am completely thankful that He never left my side during my disobedience and feel honored to share my experience with others.

Regardless of how we view our circumstances, wether in reverence or disobedience, Christ our Savior is still faithful to see us through, even in deafening silence.

Happy Sunday!

Related articles by The RLRT if you are feeling Mad at God. – Forgive God

Hey Boss, I Quit!!

Less than a year ago I was offered what I thought was an opportunity of a life time! A job earning more money than I had ever imagined, the distance was 10 minutes away from my home, and I could even telecommute periodically. It was a promotional opportunity and when I applied I did not think I completely qualified. I took a step out on what I thought was faith. Six interviews with 13 people later I, yes I, was selected as the final candidate!


I couldn’t believe it and praised God for the increase! I was really nervous about starting and hoped that I had the ability as a professional to excel in my new role. I had experienced much success in countless others, this one just seemed to make sense as the next career stepping stone on my way to the top.


Approximately 7 months later I found myself resigning from the job I thought was going to put my career on the map and I was absolutely devastated! I endured a tremendous set of unusual trials beginning a little more than a month into the position.  Ultimately, I crumbled under the pressure. My health, both physical and mental were being grossly affected. I was disappointed beyond description in myself and thought the enemy had won! Certainly I had failed and now it was over before it truly got started….



After consulting God about the ordeal, He revealed why I was subjected to such overwhelming insults in my workplace. I learned that I have been incredibly stubborn in my pursuit for success, have been operating in my own self-defined purpose without His consent, and have been grossly neglecting the gifts He has placed in my life. What a tremendous eye opener, harsh reality and a lesson long over due that I had to learn!

You see, for years I have been chasing dollars and trading my life in to the highest bidder. This has been because I truly lacked faith in God that He is capable of supplying all my needs which far exceeds monetary provision in a paycheck. Since I have never experienced increase any other way besides earnings from a job, I literally convinced myself that the only way to experience the God of “More Than Enough” (2nd Corinthians 9:8)  was by heavy pursuit of the next big promotion in title, statute and theory. I couldn’t see it any other way but Faith doesn’t operate by what Chanel could SEE! REAL self TALK!

It was clear very early on in my new position that this was not God’s will for my life. But I ignored the signs which were many!!! Initially I chalked up the controversy I was facing as the enemy trying to steal my blessing. I began to pray for my co-workers, leadership and external partners thinking that was the key to turning the fast sinking ship around. My so called spiritual logic was so far from the truth and was my WILL and not the WILL of my Heavenly Father.



I began seeing my husband, children and friends as thorns in my life because they wanted me after work and I simply could not produce the best me for them because I was stressed and exhausted! That’s when my health became seriously affected.


 (Mommy/Daddy, Stop working and come play with me!)


After extended time away from my hostile work environment, God showed me that the thorns in my life were really the job! The roses were those significant relationships I was half giving myself too. Repentance was necessary! No job or amount of money is worth their sacrifice nor mine! Never Again!


I finally accepted that it wasn’t me, due to the high turn over not only in the role I was in but in the office overall. (They couldn’t keep staff and leadership failed to look in the mirror!) Acceptance did not come easy but it did at a cost!



Are you holding on to a job that is robbing you from God’s best?  Are you struggling in your level of faith to believe that if you let go of this thing that you think you need that you will suffer lack?


This is not for everyone and I am certainly not suggesting or promoting a campaign for people to walk out on their jobs!  All things in due season and with wisdom.  This is the first time I ever walked away from a job without a concrete back up plan.  But I knew without question that I was hearing from the Lord!


If your stress level is through the roof resulting in change in temperament, sleep, eating habits and you are struggling to be present for the true important matters in your life, I encourage you to seek God and analyze if you are trying to remain in control because you don’t trust that HE will deliver. (Proverbs 3:5)


For me, I have suffered zero lack and have actually experienced abundance beyond my imagination since I let go and truly started trusting God with my provision. My confirmation that this entire things was and is HIM! My faith today is through the roof that as long as I keep my confidence in words, deed and action that my Heavenly Father is taking care of me, I shall never want for nothing! (Philippians 4:19) 

#quityourjob  #ihatemyjob  #lovelife  #Godourprovider #Jesus #mypurpose

Soulful Sunday – 2/21/2016

The Lord Our God is REAL!

I had someone recently respond to one of my blog post who said they don’t believe in God. The remark didn’t surprise me because Non-Believers are alive and well in our country. It’s their constitutional right as an American and human being to believe however they choose. No judgement here but rather a sincere level of empathy! (Unfortunate how much they are missing out on😕)

Regardless of our beliefs there is no arguing that life is difficult at times. For a unique selection of people, that remark is a gross understatement! While we all will face a major challenge at some point in our lives, there are a core group that will go through unimaginable, insurmountable, breathtaking circumstances and then survive them all! It’s not by their own choices, will or might….

In this level of pain is where I absolutely believe God resides! For there is no other explanation of how a person made it out. Doctors can’t explain, lawyers don’t know how the case was won, philosophers can’t produce a theory, family and friends gave up; BUT GOD! The survival was not by human efforts but something far beyond that surface or deepest level of intellect. It’s Super Natural deliverance by the Great I AM! Any other credit-taking is just plain old arrogance! 

I survived a “Job Like” experience several years ago and I was completely manic throughout it all! Oh how I wish I could say I worshipped the entire time and never sinned against God, but unlike the honorable character Job in the Bible, I failed my tests miserably!!!! the trial lasted 3 years and I despised what I was going through. It was agonizing at every turn. 

I walked away from God because I was angry about my circumstances and came close to believing that he cared or was even real.

Inspite of my rebellion I began experiencing blessings and miracles that I could not explain. I ultimately humbled myself with acts of repentance and returned to his arms. Separating myself from His shelter caused me more harm in the long run. I am truly thankful that just because I left him that He never left me! 

I can not fathom for the life of me why some refuse to know that He simply is!
Even with repeat signs, wonders, testimonies and reference, many hearts remain hard to his existence.

How do you deal or respond to people who say they don’t believe in God?

What approach in ministering to this group of people do you think is effective?

For now I just pray for them that one day their eyes will be opened to see and experience him in all his Glory. Oh come taste and see that the Lord is oh so good!

Happy Sunday😇

The Grasp of A Million Pieces

She said she was raped and I am the product of the act. She was young, naive and longing for someone to love her. I just wasn’t expected.

She rationalized in her mind to somehow make right out of the wrong by seeing the pregnancy through and somehow create a family. So she stayed with my father and her offender….

A mother she never wanted to be, at least not now and not this way. She had dreams of her own which were now delayed, deferred and ultimately denied. For this child required so much and sometimes it was hard to give of herself naturally and free from resentment.
He made promises to her that never came to fruition. She ultimately found the courage to leave with the baby born between them; against the visions for her life. Only to meet yet another man with similar behaviors, patterns and intentions….

This is the truth of my Mother…

Mine is…
When calculating the ages of both my parents, my conception was indeed an act of statutory assault if nothing more. He was nearly 10 years her senior when she delivered me at the tender age of 17. She was just a kid that had a kid…

This news was delivered to me after the death of my father at age 69 last year. Cancer stole his last breath. The blow of how I came to be left my already fractured life without reason, completely shattered with revelation into a million pieces….
It all made sense to me now. Our life long struggle to function as a healthy mother and daughter duo and my father’s inability to be just that. Was the sight of me in their eyes a constant reminder of what probably should have never happened in the first place? Mere Speculation on my part but probably not far from reality…

I can not obtain clarity on this question from my father but my mother is still here for she was battling cancer simultaneously…and I’m thankful she survived….

How was it for her to look in the face of a child she was not sure she wanted and yet choose to stay? Quite difficult I can only imagine. The extreme amount of pain left her crippled to effectively mother a girl whose odds of facing her same circumstances were great. Yet she did what only she could; to provide the bare necessities. Anything more was often times agonizing and close to impossible.

Oh and Back to me…my emotions have been grossly mixed. Grateful that I found this out long into my adulthood and not in my unstable adolescent years when I often times contemplated suicide. So hurt that I was defined this way leaving me unable to look myself in mirrors as I passed by; praising my creator for protecting me when I did not have the protection of my parents and angry at God all in the same breath….A weird distasteful emotional concoction equivalent to the mix of pickled red beets, sauerkraut, and albacore; the blend should never be!

Although a tremendous amount of pain, we are healing inspite of..

We hold on to one another less loosely. These days I don’t feel like it’s out of obligation. The grip has become less burdensome since we have discussed this openly and honestly. It got uglier before it got better but this too had to be.
We can’t change the past but have a future we can define however we so choose. As an individual and now mother myself I must accept her truth and deal with my own. I have some control over that at least. I still naturally need her love regardless of how I came to be and how much she chooses to give. She’s the only Mom I have; the DNA can’t be replaced. (Look at the picture of us below; I am her little mini-me.) And when I consider the totality of her story, she has strength that I do completely admire…

So we hold on. Free to love each other without expectations. We take what we can get and its truly enough! I tell the devil to kick rocks in this matter. I need to heal and move on! For this mother and daughter, after all we’ve been through; finally are.

2016 February – Video Blog

Lights Camera Action


Hi RLRT Readers! Here is my February 2016 Video Blog!  This one is a bit shorter than January’s but still informative never-the-less.  Some special shout outs as well to a few of my favorite fellow bloggers that have really been a true blessing to me. Including:


Loretta Schoen – Under His Wings


Ngobesing Romanus


Cynthia Bailey Rug

Stacy – Princess – His Temple

Deanna Reynolds



As always, share, comment, retweet and let me know your general thoughts overall!

Still need to work on my lighting!  Driving me crazy a bit!  LOL!