I woke up this morning with the emotion of offense rushing through my spirit. I am not a morning person by nature so this added sensation just agitated my already adverse demeanor. I couldn’t shake it but I had to keep it under wraps before I geared my feelings towards my precious baby boy. He is a complete handful in the morning and I often have to concentrate really hard on my reactions while getting him ready. I don’t want to take my feelings out on him; for what I do daily IS mostly for him.
I am not 100% sure if I feel this way because I despise what I do for a living or I am frustrated with the challenging process of trying to turn what matters to me into something of value. Maybe its a combination of the two. This is the primary cause of my nasty disposition. How do I make the transition without suffering lack? I hate to admit that this alone is my greatest apprehension. Balancing the use of wisdom while resisting fear can be a complex matter at times. This is one of them….
The clock goes off around 5:30 am and I intentionally take my time getting out the door. If I rush while getting myself and my son together, that added stress would cause responses that I would regret. I will get there when I get there! I am usually out the door around 7:15 am (or so). I drop my son off at day-care, travel 60 minutes on the highway to my employer, then work an additional 8.5 hours doing duties that I completely loathe. One additional hour back home and I have literally traded 10.5 hours of my life for a paycheck. It sucks! I mean really sucks! To add insult to injury, while in the mirror this morning I noticed several new strands of silvery greys that I know were not there a week ago. I am getting older. Can’t afford to keep going on like this. SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE!
I often find myself apologizing to God. Ungratefulness is not my intent. I make a very decent salary with excellent benefits. There are a million people that would love to be in my position. That’s where my guilt comes in. I distinctly prayed for this position and now that I have it, I don’t want it. It doesn’t fulfill my spirit and is far from my life’s greatest work. I need to do something more meaningful and I hate spending so much of my time so far outside of my purpose. I am working towards refining my gifts but bearing its fruit is a process; In the meantime I must survive…… This brick wall is the fuel that keeps me going even if my efforts don’t look like they are paying off. Enough climbing latters and going after that next big position. I have had enough of the Corporate America games. I need life on my own terms.
I know that I am not alone. I extend these sentiments to those who are not simply wishing for change but are operating in faith and working towards the same. We were not designed to function in uselessness. Our greatest life work should not be solely for a check. We should be incorporating our gifts to benefit the lives of others. That’s why we are here on earth. Until this happens, I am convinced that peace will never soothe the restless soul of the ambitious.
Staying in faith means remaining committed to knowing that God is directing my path. My efforts are not in vain and while I am doing my part in the natural he is working out my end in the SUPERnatural. Patience must be practiced along with consistent prayer. Neither is an option less I’m labeled a hypocrite.
To my Lord: Give me the fortitude to endure while my weary body sacrifice’s time to develop my gifts which you said will make room for me. (Proverbs 18:16) In my waiting, I seek no reward, recognition, or empowerment from none other than you. This is my fervent prayer.
To my readers: can you relate? What are you doing today to change your tomorrow? Whatever it is, don’t lose site in the challenges that will surface during the course. If you are confident that you are on the right track, join me in minimizing earthly disturbances by keeping your mind on your heavenly father. Any other choice will jeopardize the revelation of true destiny. I think we have delayed matters long enough, it’s time to live a meaningful existence………..